Femdom Life Coaches & Counselors

This is a topic that really pisses me off! We have life coaches for just about every aspect of life from “normal” relationships to career paths we desire to follow. We have counselors for everything from depression to mental illnesses that help us improve our lives but very few and I mean very few to the point of it being rare for female led relationships. I think because professionals just think it’s wrong or it’s just kink or some other stupid reason. Why is that? Maybe it’s because they just don’t think it’s real or people really want it! 

I have seen some advertisements online for these services but I am also very skeptical of the services offered and think they nothing more than just sites where people can masturbate to and screw a person out of money. I know I do not have the money to just throw out on a chance however I would pay a reasonable fee if I were to find a real person that could help us grow our relationship. 

I think if one were to go to a counselor they would look at the lifestyle as a mental illness and try to fix you rather than help you grow in your respective role as either dominate or submissive. 

Personally I think couples in this type of relationship are happier and more successful then those in vailla ones due to the understanding, trust, love, admiration you have to have for one another as compared to vanilla relationships. 

Although the internet provides and endless amount of information on female led relationships it is at times can be hard to decipher fact from fiction especially for people new to this. 

I think that we all at times need someone to help us whether it be some just to talk to so we don’t think we are alone or someone to help us or coach us in our relationships to more understand each other and grow our roles. 

Anyone out there ever try a life coach or kink friendly counselor?

Female Led Marriage: Roles, Reason and One View vs Another.

Defining the Roles

The whole concept of a Female Led Marriage really isn’t new to society. There are certain things women have always been in charge of in “most” successful, happy marriages. I’m sure we all have heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life”. There is a lot to said about that saying. Regardless of whether you are 100% vanilla or 100% into kink or somewhere in between, if your lady isn’t happy, the man isn’t.

I am going to set aside for a minute the FLR mindset and speak as a conservative, Red blooded American with the old fashion mindset. When women are not happy with their husbands in a vanilla marriage they have the God given talent to make us men miserable by bitching, moaning and groaning, being accusatory towards us men and most of all the undeniable gift of being a Master at making us feel guilty all in the effort to get what they want and they are relentless until they succeed. (Sorry Ladies but its true)

Now if we as men really love our wives and care for them, we typically give in and let them have their way. This does several things that benefit us men, the nagging and bitching stops. The evil looks diminish away and she’s happy again. And, let’s not forget one huge benefit we typically get also, MAKE UP SEX!

What I am trying to say basically is that in all reality to a certain extent, women have always been in charge of the marriage and household. However in a “Female Led Marriage”  we have begun to define our roles more clearly to formalize who is in charge. Another aspect is society has changed in its views a great deal of what is considered the “mans job and role” and the “women job and role” in a marriage. Now when the man stays home and takes care of the house and family (which has always been the women’s role traditionally), its acceptable.

Roles

I was brought up in in my family with old fashion values and beliefs and if I had to define the word and roles of wife and husband they would be as follows;

  • Wife- the primary caretaker of the house and family. The one whos does the cooking, cleaning, laundry. Gets the kids off to school. Has dinner on the table when the man gets home. Makes sure the man is always sexually satisfied. She typically stays at home the greater amount of time or works part time and earns less as the secondary breadwinner than the husband.
  • Husband- the major bread winner. The one that works fulltime, makes the most money, makes all the decisions for the family. The one that comes home expecting a meal on the table after working all day, expects the woman to sexually pleasure him on demand, and expects to be basically waited on by the wife.

Personally I envision (in my opinion), that when a couple agree to live the lifestyle of a Female led Marriage they basically agree to reverse the roles. Of course there are many different levels as how far/extreme you can take this and that is all personal preference.

Female Led Marriage vs Femdom Led Marriage

The above term as far as Femdom Led Marriage might not be a “correct” term but for me I wanted to distinguish at least for me, that in my mind, there are indeed two different types of Female Led Marriages. For me, the Female Led Marriage is basically the couple swapping traditional roles for the most part and they have various levels of course. Here in my opinion the man still also has a say and is treated with equal respect on decisions but the wife has the majority say in things or disagreements are negotiated to a mutual resolution. Both parties focus on making each other happy and the wife is leading more because she just has more of a dominate personality.

Femdom Led Marriage to me is also the above but more extreme with absolute control of the female over the male. Everything is negotiated before hand to where once the boundaries of everything is agreed upon as far as how much control (Whether it will be total power exchange or limited in some areas), outside of the agreed upon restrictions negotiation no longer exist and decisions are made entirely with what will benefit the female with little to no regards to the male.

The female cares for herself more than the male, she is selfish, wants nothing to do with domestic duties and wants her submissive male to take care of these. She sets herself up on a pedestal to be worshipped by her submissive man, she is confident. Although she does love her male submissive and wants to share her life with him, her main desire is for her man to serve her as her slave taking away all unwanted duties, task, she may find unpleasant and for him to look up to her as a “Goddess” and to be obedient to all her wishes and love, respect and adore her.

Reason for Submission

There are so may reasons I believe why a man would want to submit to a woman from just pure love and admiration for the woman to just kink or both. For me with my Goddess/Wife it is a combination of both.

Remember these are MY reasons, its not a list of standard reasons for all, everyone is different. I respect whatever reason one may desire this. So here goes, and its not in any order of importance;

As far as Her

  1. I love my Goddess/Wife very much
  2. I admire & respect her
  3. I gain happiness through making her happy
  4. When I look at her, she defines the words, love, caring, attractive, beautiful and sexy
  5. I am in continuous amazement of her caring heart
  6. She is smart
  7. She is very feminine
  8. If I had to describe what a Goddess looks like or what type of person she would be, I would describe my Goddess/Wife.
  9. I understand nobody is perfect but She is perfect for me!
  10. I love, admire, respect her more than anyone in the world! Did I mention that? ūüôā

As far as me

  1. Ever since I can remember I have always had the desire to submit to a beautiful woman
  2. I like to let go and not have the added stress of making most decisions. I do however (and we have agreed on this which all should) want to be involved in the big, important decisions that can affect others.
  3. I have a very imaginative mind
  4. I find housework, crazy as it sounds, relaxing and fulfilling
  5. I love cooking
  6. I feel like I am very lucking to have my Goddess/wife in my life
  7. I get bored easy
  8. I desire to be as close to my Goddess/Wife as possible and this lifestyle enhances closeness.
  9. I don’t want to fail her in anyway and by her making the decisions I know the chances of failure are minimal
  10. I have always felt more like I wanted to be a follower rather than a leader. However if and when needed I can be a very good strong leader if needed.

 

Needs

Here I believe is one of the most important vital aspects of any relationship whether it be a vanilla, Femdom, Female led or whatever. The needs of both (I cannot stress the word “BOTH” enough) have to be met for both parties to be happy. In most loving relationships I think the most important thing is to make the other party feel loved, desired, respected, and needed. For my Goddess/Wife I think that is 90% of her needs. In a alternative relationship like we have chosen, the other need in my opinion is a non-judgmental open mind for things that are not vanilla. My Goddess/Wife’s needs I think are very much simple and in line with most needs of every woman in a relationship.

  1. She needs to feel like she is loved always
  2. She needs to feel desired always
  3. She needs to feel she has my support always
  4. She needs to feel secure I will never go anywhere and not ever leave her
  5. Feeling sexually fulfilled
  6. This one however is in line with our agreement, she needs to feel secure in knowing she really is in charge and she needs my obedience willingly

Everyone has different “triggers” that make them feel a certain way and mine however are unconventional but probably common with most men that desire the lifestyle as a slave/submissive.

My list of needs however are more extensive, more non-traditional, however most all designed to ensure my obedience with her. But hers are a lot less time consuming and task oriented. Hers mostly in my opinion focus more on my mental state towards me and more dealing with her open mindedness and state of mind/attitude.

  1. I need her to be consistent
  2. I need her to actually not only make me feel controlled but CONTROL ME!
  3. I need her to be the leader and TAKE CHARGE!
  4. Quit asking me what I want and make decisions for us and for me. Tell me what to do, not ask. Make decisions in what SHE wants!
  5. When she tells me to do something, expect it to be done, no questions.
  6. I need her to hold me accountable like a parent would a child. If I do something wrong, PUNISH ME ALWAYS never allowing any transgressions to slide.
  7. I need her non-judgmental support and open mindedness and willful participation in things that keep me in the mindset of being submissive and being a lessor to her. Here is where the non-vanilla aspect falls in line with my imaginative mind but all these things help immensely with my mindset.  Such as
  • Keeping me in panties 24/7.
  • Incorporating other clothing and being pro-active and lay them out for me and having me wear them such as women’s jeans, bra’s, hose and or whatever she may think of in addition as much as possible
  • Constant verbal reminder to me of my place beneath her (light humiliation/light verbal degradation)
  • Referring to me as her wife whenever she can
  • Calling me my given female name she gave me as much as possible and also  referring to me as she, her, girl, woman
  • Being dominant sexually
  • Denying me the pleasures of orgasm’s and cumming
  • Chastity as much as possible

 

Views of the Femdom Marriage (my view, her view)

My reality of this lifestyle of course is not much different than the fantasies I have of one. But my reality I believe is obtainable to meet 95% of my fantasies. There are only a few things we have restricted from our “power exchange” which we have agreed to mutually agree on such as decisions dealing with kids and money/major purchases. There are a couple things off limits that I am adamant about that she doesn’t like but once again, I am not willing to sway on so before we started we agreed on all these areas.

Ok, now that I got all this out of the way on what I believe in difference in Female Led/Femdom relationships and needs and roles the real reason for this writing is my Goddess/Wife has tasked me with the very difficult assignment of writing how I think she views a Female Led/Femdom Marriage. I think our views are real close however our views on how to do it differ quite a lot. I need constant reminders of my place beneath her which I think differs from her needs and desires.

My view

My view and what I would love to see in day to day life is her complete (well 95% at least) control over me. Most every day since the stuff we agreed to disagree upon before we officially started happen often, she would have 100% control.

  • She would pick out my clothing each and everyday that I wear.
  • If I go somewhere and do something I would have to ask permission like a child would with their parents.
  • Like a child I would also know and be confident if I do not listen and do as told, or I fail to do a task there will be consequences and I will be punished without fail and no transgressions would ever slide.
  • She would expect me to take care of all domestic duties and a clean house at all times.
  • She would see herself as superior to me and treat me as a lessor and refer to me as my fem name Marcy when possible and make me wear fem clothes as much as possible.
  • She would offer up constant daily reminders to me that I am her sissy wife/slave bitch and my only job is to please and serve her.
  • She would make all decisions for us, telling me them and not asking.
  • She would demand me to pleasure her often sexually with no regards to my sexual satisfaction while keeping me chaste and denying me any release except on special occasions where she is feeling generous.
  • Each night she would demand me to be on my knees before her and thank her for allowing me the privilege of serving her.

Her view (in my opinion)

My Goddess/Wife asked me to write on how I think she views the lifestyle. I really am hesitant doing this as we are still growing in the lifestyle and I think she will take my opinions wrong or twist them and take things as a personal dig against her. I do NOT mean anything negative as to I fully understand and accept that I have desired this all my life and she has only been exposed to it a few years. I also understand that there are areas where she is very hesitant due to my personality traits and also her coming from a previous marriage where her X was a complete abusive, dominating asshole. In my opinion it showed great strength on her part to get out of it and leave. Today she is so much different then the person I first met! She has grown to be a strong woman but unfortunately is still haunted by some past experiences.

In my opinion she has all the tools and desires to be that Dominant woman we BOTH strive for her to be and eventually I do think she will reach that point. She says our desires are both in line with each other. She wants to be in 100% control. She wants to hold me accountable and discipline me for my transgressions. I believe her 100%! I also however believe she has a huge hump to get over to make all this happen and forget the past and also put complete trust in me that I also desire all this and just DO IT!

I think she views the lifestyle pretty much the same as me.

She is to be the one in charge and make decisions.

  • I am the one to be responsible for all domestic duties.
  • I am there to serve her.
  • She believes that her sexual pleasures and satisfaction are what’s most important  between us, while denying me mine and keeping me chaste.
  • She desires my worship often to raise her up on a pedestal.

Views with Training/Discipline/Consistency/Kink

Now to the difficult areas. I have tried to explain to her that although I desire all these things and desire to serve her, I am also not a doormat. Sure there might be people out there that will submit to every whim of another never questioning their orders, that’s not me.

I often will not want to do everything I’m told  to do (because I am my own person and not a door matt) or I will often fail to do what is required of me (because I am human). Most every time its not on purpose, but just out of stubbornness or laziness.

  • When I fail to do these things, I wish her to hold me accountable with REAL punishment/training.

Sure, I am a masochist a little, I like to be lightly spanked when we, as we call it, “Play” but I do NOT like real pain. Bending me over something and spanking me for real with real hard swats would NOT be pleasurable and it would hurt and serve as what I call REAL punishment and put a powerful reminder/trigger in my mind to NOT reoffend also reinforcing my place as her slave beneath her. This is not however to feed my masochist side because of the fact I won’t enjoy it. This however is to train me and make me be a better slave to her.

She says she does understand the concept and why I desire this aspect however I think she is afraid I would retaliate in some way (which I keep telling her I wont) and just doesn’t feel that it is necessary and not worth the effort on her part to be consistent on it. I feel also it just also isn’t as important to her as it is to me. To me, any let down or disobedience on my part is a huge deal to me so EVERY transgression NEEDS to be addressed. I think it is one of the most (if not the most) important aspects of a Femdom Marriage and yes, I understand I am an adult, and in a “vanilla” lifestyle it doesn’t happen,  but we have decided not to live vanilla.

We, even as adults are held accountable everyday in everything we do. You break the law, you go to jail. You screw up at work, you get fired. I guess the way I feel here is, if I fail or disobey and I’m not held accountable than is anyone really in charge? the answer is quite simply no.

  • I agree with her and understand in one thing as far as discipline. At times I have a short temper and I can be really stubborn and fly off the handle. She says that she is afraid if she were to discipline me that I would fly of the handle and get mad at her. Is this a possibility? Doubtful, but I do not think that will happen and I ask her to trust me. I do NOT think it is fair to judge me of something before it happens.
  • Although I think she believes me, I think she has hopes the my total obedience no matter what it is, will just naturally happen with no effort on her part. I have told her from the very beginning its a two way road and effort is vital on both sides, not just one side.
  • A lot of times I get the impression it could also just be out of pure laziness on her part that she doesn’t follow up on holding me accountable and or she has a million excuses of why holding me accountable for transgressions is needed or possible to do at the time.
  • Another area is Kinky play, I enjoy it, desire it, think about it often and its important to me. She enjoys it yes, but we rarely play. I think here our differences in importance are a long ways apart. I love her to tie me down and spank me in an enjoyable way to where the pain is minimal and sexually dominate me while verbally degrading me. I think she enjoys it sometimes but rarely. To me it just doesn’t seem that important to her. Plus I don’t think she thinks she is very god at it but she truly is AMAZING at it!
  • As far as clothing such as panties/bras/hose etc. I don’t think she understands the powerful mental effects it has on me. Hell, I don’t understand it at times except all I can say is that when a male wears them it is opposite of being masculine if that makes sense and offsets the “manly” feeling and makes me feel tons more submissive. At first she was very skeptical and hesitant on having me wear panties everyday but now it has just become a norm to her but helps me stay in the mindset. To sum this area of kink up I would say
    • Masculinity in a male to me equals being in charge and dominant and being the leader who makes all the decisions
    • Being Masculine does NOT equal being submissive
    • Wearing women’s undergarments is the opposite of Masculinity

To sum it all up

I don’t think we are far apart as to what the end results are as far as her the one being in charge and me being obedient at all times. I however believe we have our differences on how to get to that goal and how we should be living it 24/7. I also believe the lifestyle is more important to me than her and the amount of effort that we both need to apply to reach our goal is somewhat different. I think she thinks since I am an adult that no discipline is necessary and that I should just comply with her at all times and be obedient.

Overall so far I am happy in the level we have obtained so far and fully understand and accept that each day offers up new opportunities at learning about the lifestyle and each other while growing in it. However each day also offers up new challenges and frustrations.

I may be 100% wrong here but in my opinion my analogy is this. If you were to picture a mountain and the left side represents the desire of the lifestyle and the other side total acceptance of it in every aspect, she is at the peak of it just to the left and I am on the right with my hand extended reaching out to her wanting her to just get past that final hurdle whatever it is inside her head to fully accept and live it 24/7 and fully embrace herself as the leader and dominant one and view me as her lessor slave, there to serve & pleasure her at her beckon call.

I feel I am ready 100% to take that final plunge into submission to her. I know and 100% believe how lucky I am to serve her and be in her presence everyday. I am married to the most amazing, sexy, beautiful, kind hearted woman alive and I am 100% confident of this. Until she can believe all the above and trust that I want this 100% that last hurdle cannot be done, however it will someday!

I welcome would like comments as long as they are polite and respectful keeping in mind we all have our differences in opinions and we are all different and these are MY opinions only. 

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Female Led Marriage/Relationship Reality vs Fantasy

Everyone has their own perception of realty and fantasy. Everyone has different abilities to make what one might think is a fantasy a reality. Everyone has different opinions of what should be reality or just left to a fantasy. Everyone has different fantasys and desires. For me, my differ I’m sure than a lot of other opinions. There is no one way that is considered the only way however I think the foundation of all of them is the same. The female is the one in charge. 

Being in charge

I think here most men have the idea that the woman should be in charge of everything. All decisions are to be made by the woman and her decision is final. For me right now that’s just pure fantasy due to having children, bills among other responsibilities. Realty is that life happens and things just get in the way and interrupt life that we might have a disagreement on that are very important to us that we just won’t go against. For me and my Goddess I want and desire to give over about 95% control but she knows there are just some things I won’t sway on and she knows those areas and respects them. Communication is the most vital aspects here to be successful. Simply put, each parties have to know each other’s expectations of each other and agree on them and most importantly RESPECT THEM!

The Open Mind

Here is where I think a lot of couple struggle. Personally (and this is my opinion only) I choose to keep this lifestyle between me and my wife/Goddess and believe when in a committed relationship especially when you have children that’s the way it should be due to everyone can be affected. When it comes to marriage for the most part I’m pretty traditional as far as it being between a man and woman and being monogamous. 

Important Disclaimer: Please remember that these are my beliefs and they may not match yours but that does not mean if yours differ from mine that you’re wrong. I try not to judge anyone for what they believe, what their fetishes are, or what kind of lifestyle they live. That is entirely the decision of the person living their own life style.

Now back to the topic of open-mindedness. Everyone has different levels of open-mindedness and where their limits are also differ from everyone. For me, as long as it doesn’t involve anything illegal, force anybody to be involved, involve blood or scat, or children, I am all for whatever makes people happy as long as they are adults and both consenting.

Different strokes for different folks (reality vs fantasy in my opinion)

Everywhere on the Internet nowadays concerning femDom you see some woman dressed in all weather will be in a whip and they portray it as A reality of how things really are in the lifestyle but nothing is further from the truth for 99% of people. Sure I would love my wife to be dressed like that 24 seven but that’s not even close to being realistic. There are times when we get in our moods and will actually play for a while with her dress like that and in my opinion nothing is more sexier in beautiful than my Goddess dressed in leather and I could just sit there and stare at her beauty for hours but again for her to be dressed like that is pure fantasy 24 seven. 

I think also the Internet portrays submissive’s or slaves and being in a cage 24 seven or as weak as individuals mentally that are either queer or anything other than a real man. 

We all have our different fetishes desires and goals as far as where we want our relationship to go in this lifestyle and how much control the Dominant one has. 

So as far as my fantasies versus reality here’s a few things that differ.

Control— my fantasy is for my wife/goddess to have complete 100% control never allowing me to sway in any of her decisions or orders. Unfortunately my fantasy is unrealistic and just that the fantasy do to her and I have a difference of opinion’s on very important aspects of life that as of right now we do not agree on but through communication we have worked out those details before entering into our agreement so therefore total and complete control over me is nothing but a fantasy. I have handed over about 90% control to her what she does with that control is up to her. As of yet in my opinion she has only exercised about 30% of that control. But that’s what communication, determination and never giving up is all about. We have a goal and that goal is someday that she has 100% control but right now is not the appropriate time.

Discipline— Personally in my opinion again I think that when you’re in this kind of lifestyle and you agree to be a submissive and follow orders or commands and when the submissive fails to follow orders the submissive has to be held accountable otherwise there is nobody in charge which defeats the whole purpose of the lifestyle. 

Sure in my fantasy world when I do wrong I would love for my wife/goddess to pull me aside no matter where were at and admonish me and spank me but in reality again that is just fantasy. However what is reality if I were to do wrong or go against her orders she can punish me but do it in the privacy of our own home, away from anybody else, hence not involving other people that don’t understand and would be very judgemental. 

A little sidenote here, I will say I enjoyed being tied down and spanked lightly which isn’t discipline. To me, discipline is being spanked hard enough that it actually hurts and I get no enjoyment out of it to where it will be a deterrent against future transgressions. Fantasy is being spanked to where you enjoy it reality is being spanked to where you don’t enjoy it.

Fetishes ‚Äď ‚Äď this is the never ending category too were there are so many fetishes that one could never cover everyone. But in this kind of lifestyle there are some that stand out that the Internet makes it almost appeared that you have to have them to be a submissive in my opinion. Here are just a few that I can think of.

Chastity and Denial–I think every website you go to in regards to this lifestyle has something on chastity and denial. Personally I would love to be kept in chastity 24 seven that is my fantasy but in reality at least in my case it’s impossible due to I just can’t find a device that is comfortable enough to wear at all times and would allow me to do all the activities I do and also be safe. Reality wise we do use a chastity device and we have come to the agreement that whenever I’m home alone I will wear it at all times and she has the key. I work at home quite a bit so therefore I wear it on an average of four days a week but take it off every evening when she is home. 

As far as the subject of denial I think that is a realistic part of the lifestyle that is completely up to the dominant one in charge as long as both parties agree. When a man has an orgasm there are chemicals released within the brain that affects the man’s behavior after orgasm this has been proven biologically by doctors   Unfortunately, and I wholeheartedly admit this after I have an orgasm I lose all interest in being submissive to my wife/goddess and in her words I act like a dick towards her for about a week. As for my reality we have come to the agreement I am only allowed to cum whenever she gives me permission. So far for the year 2017 I have only been able to cum once on my birthday without an orgasm. Do I miss coming on a regular basis I have an orgasm? More than you’ll ever know but the alternative is the damaging effects it has on our relationship so I have a greed to forgo them. That also is a reality.

Pegging–this is another area that when you get on the Internet it makes it seem like people that are involved in this lifestyle partake of on a regular basis and doing daily. Not all couples in the lifestyle partake of this or are even interested in this. Myself, I do enjoy this activity from time to time but would not want it on a regular basis. The biggest benefit I get out of this is the psychological effects it has on me as filling as the one being dominated and being a lesser to my Goddess/wife. But what Internet portrays is 100% fantasy that this is been done to every submissive out there.

Feminization/Crossdressing–this is another area once again that is pure fantasy that the Internet portrays that every submissive out there is a cross dresser and wears makeup and walks around in women’s clothing every day. 

I think this category is a very fragile one to say the least. Most everyone that is vanilla would think that any man that wears women’s clothing wants to be a woman which in my opinion is far from the truth. Society is so hypocritical in its view on certain things. If you look at how women dress today the majority of them and what they wear could be viewed in the same way, we could all say they want to be a man. But for some reason society does not look at them in the way they dress as there’s being anything wrong with it.

To me, if I had my choice, which would be a fantasy come true, would be for my wife to dress every day and nothing but dresses and high heels the way I personally would define how woman should dress but that is not realistic either. Just making a point.

Personally in my opinion I think that if a man has a fetish for this behavior there’s nothing wrong with it and it doesn’t indicate that they want to be a woman it’s just purely shows they have a fetish for a particular thing. However I do think that if this is a man’s fetish they should keep it confined to the house or do it in a way that no one will know or unless they go out during Halloween dressed like this otherwise it forces their lifestyle on to other people which isn’t fair to them if it makes them uncomfortable.  My Goddess/wife is somewhat open minded when it comes to this subject to where she has me wear panties every day. At first she was very uncomfortable with it and the more she was exposed to it the more normal it became as far as I can tell. I even have several pairs of women’s jeans that I wear frequently but nobody other than me and my Goddess know they are women’s jeans.

I would never want to fully dressed as a female 24 seven however I do enjoy wearing the panties 24 seven. However my hopes in the future Will build upon it and in the cool months and winter when I wear warmer clothing make me wear unlined bras underneath my shirts when I can get away with it and also pantyhose in the winter whenever I wear pants.

I would also love to sometime on Halloween go out of town and fully dress up and spend the day and night out and about. I just think that would be very exciting and that is realistic.

There are various reasons why I like to wear women’s apparel, the most important reason being that it increases my submissiveness to my goddess/wife tenfold. Another reason as far as wearing panties, they are 10 times more comfortable than any men’s underwear I’ve ever worn and cooler in the summer. The selection as far as colors different types and different fabrics is and less compared to men’s. I love the feel of the material that women’s apparel is made of compared to men’s clothing. They also in my opinion because of the greater selection, color, styles actually make you feel good about herself and more attractive. Plus there is the excitement factor of doing something that’s against society’s norms.

So to sum this category up, not every man that is in this lifestyle is out walking around dressed as a woman or a maid or a some kind a sissy. That’s just the extreme fantasies that the Internet paints as how you need to be when you’re submissive and in the lifestyle. The reality is sure some people do do this in the privacy of their own homes or keep it hidden from public in different ways but again weather men do it or don’t do it that is an individual choice and people get different things out of that if they choose to do it. 

Conclusion

So in conclusion this type of lifestyle is not what the Internet paints it out to be. Not every man that chooses to submit to his partner in life is weak, gay, mentally deranged. Not every man wishes to be sissified, Pegged, spanked, disciplined, crossdressed as the Internet portrays it to be. There are also many other fetishes that I did not cover that the Internet portrays as part of every female lead relationship or marriage. I think that what you see on the Internet is the collective fantasies from every genre of this lifestyle. 

I also want to mention that there are different levels of this lifestyle. Some men are not into kink at all and just enjoy the domination from his wife or partner and that’s it and no kink is even involved.

My philosophy on the whole lifestyle or with anything in life if it’s between two consenting adults and you’re not causing harm to anyone else and you enjoy it, why not? I’ve always considered myself a very open minded when it comes to kink but I think one important aspect of the lifestyle is being able to distinguish fantasy from reality and I think all my wishes and desires can be reality but I also consider other factors such as my kinks have to be in line and excepted Buy my Goddess/wife also and if not then by default I do as I’m told by her.

The reality I think in most cases with people in this lifestyle is that it could be your neighbor, your brother or sister, even your mom or dad, and you would never even know it. Most people that are involved in this lifestyle keep it hidden from everyone else and keep it between themselves. It’s a personal thing between you and your partner and if you so choose to keep it that way there’s nothing wrong with it. The one thing that I believe for sure is that the more dominant my Goddess/wife is in the more supportive she is of my kinks and the more consistent she is and the more she corrects and disciplines me The more I feel loved and the more I feel closer to her. I think we have a lot to work on and a long ways to go but I also have faith that we both want it and we will eventually succeed. Overall my alternate goal is to please her above and beyond anything else but also have the feeling within me that I am 100% under her control and if I do step out of line I will be held accountable by her discipline.

Sure fantasies are great to have but some are better left just fantasies.

Denied & Caged

It’s been a while since I have written. Summer is here and life sometimes gets busy unfortunately and at times we don’t always have time to do everything we want. But one thing that never waivers is my love and admiration for my Goddess. My desire to serve her never diminishes even when we are in disagreement on somethings.

We are still trying to fight through things within the lifestyle that most people would never understand unless they are also involved within it. Consistency is at times challenged due to life’s events that go happen but we are both determined to make this work and hopefully we will get to the point that everything we have agreed upon becomes the “normal” for us.

So in my past writings I have written about denial &¬†chastity, in my opinion, two very important aspects of a femdom marriage, TPE, FLR whatever you wish to call it. One thing also was on effects of male orgasms, the chemicals released within your brain after one and how it effects the male in how one acts after. I’m sure it has different or no effects on different people however after researching it, I became a believer in what I had learned, because I DO suffer from the effects and have noticed it before I even researched it.

When I orgasm unfortunately I lose ALL desires and feelings of submissiveness for at least 24 hours before it even starts to come back to me. It usually takes nearly a week for the strong desire and feeling to come back. But what’s worse is, for a couple days I feel the lifestyle in whole is stupid and that myself is stupid for submitting to a woman and I start lashing out at my Goddess and being mean and asserting my dominance which isn’t at all what I want.

We both talked for a long time and decided to try something different. We had read about ruined orgasms and that it diminishes the feelings in males that I described above due to it¬†limits¬†the chemical releases in ones brain. We tried this for the whole year of 2016 and I only experienced about 3 full orgasms the whole year however she would allow me to cum with a ruined orgasm once every two weeks. When I did this I would cum on my goddess’s belly then clean it up with my tongue and swallow it. Yes, for a full year I did this but it only diminished the effects to a minimal level. I still would lose most of my desire to be submissive and be an ass to my Goddess (and I hate that and its the last thing I want to do) but not as long, so in December of 2016 we talked again and came to a different resolution.

As of January 1, 2017 we agreed I am no longer allowed to cum except for special occasions. I am to please her with my tongue whenever she wishes and often. We bought a large dildo that is about 1.5 times bigger than me that we use often. I also bought a strap-on that I wear and please her with for intimacy purposes. All these things as far as I know and from what she says keeps her sexually satisfied even more than before.

Because my Goddess is so kindhearted we also agreed that before we do anything intimate I am to lock my cock up and leave the key in the bathroom due to if I start begging to cum or be inside her she gives in. This has worked great! I don’t beg or even ask because by the time I were to even get up and remove the chastity cage the mood is sunk.

So today is June 21, 2017 and my birthday was this month. Until my birthday the last time I have came was December 2016. (I know most wont believe that including my Goddess, but it is the truth) My Goddess allowed me the pleasure of finally cumming. I honestly figured she would at that time and was pleased when she said I could that night. The disappointing thing although was she denied me a full orgasm, only ruined and yes, she made me clean it up with my tongue. I actually was shocked she was firm on denying me that and what she said when I asked. Her words exactly when I asked was “No, do you think I want you being a dick to me for the next week?” I knew she was right so I took what I could and went with it. I honestly had forgotten how good she felt inside due to it had been nearly 6 months since I had been inside her. When I first entered her it felt like heaven but was short lived due to it being so long. I think I got maybe a half dozen strokes before I felt it build up and had to withdraw and cum with no more stimulation.

We also agreed that when I am home alone or home without her I will wear the cage at all times. Believe it or not, this is something I wanted also. When I am home alone the thought of masturbating is at times overwhelming if I do not have it on. Trust me, I want to cum, I want to explode big time but I also love the denial aspect but I also know if I cum I will be overwhelmed with guilt plus be a dick to her and I don’t want that so I prefer to wear the cage to prevent me from doing that.

So as far as the chastity cage goes, it is a huge help to me psychologically. When its not on the temptation to masturbate is so strong. When I have it on, there is no way I can stimulate myself. I have tried just to see. It’s pointless. I cant feel nothing through the cage and I know this hence the results I know I can’t masturbate which takes away all the questioning of whether I should or shouldn’t. I know I cant, period.

Yes, I love the denial and control but I would be a liar if I didn’t say I miss having orgasms and I do want to cum, but the alternative if I do is me being a dick and for some reason I cant control that aspect so in order to serve her better and be closer to her I forego them.

I love my Goddess more than anything in this world and think she is the most amazing, sexy woman I have ever met and feel like I am the luckiest man alive to be married to her and serve her!

I love you my Goddess

your slave always

m

 

Being dominant is not something you “do”, its someone you “are”.

I found the following article today written by a female of course on a female supremacy website and thought it made a lot of some good points although it was titled different and I only took from it what I felt was worth talking about. My opinions and expressions are all italicized.

A lot of women, when a submissive male presents themselves, find the task of enslaving him too daunting. But by remembering these simple rules, you can easily benefit with no hassle at all.

I think we are all born to either follow or lead. This, in my opinion, doesn’t mean to follow or lead in every way in life. One may be a great leader at work and¬†run million dollar companies¬†and¬†supervise a staff of thousands then come home and be a follower to their partner. On the other hand, one may be nothing more than a assembly line worker at the bottom of the totem pole taking orders from multiple supervisors at the workplace and¬†then at the end of the day go home and run the household with a strict iron fist.¬†

We all play multiple rolls in life. Some are forced upon us, some not. Some come natural and or we desire, but some we are afraid of embracing due to our surroundings and or the way society views them.

Just remember, being dominant is not something you “do”, its someone you “are”. Its not something you should have to lift a finger for, as lifting is what the sub male is for! You just need to think, something we are much better equipped to do than the male of the species.

I 100% believe that being dominant or not even dominant but wanting to be in control of certain aspects of your life is not something you “do” as far as working to change who you are, but in a femdom lifestyle, BOTH SIDES¬†HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER!!!!

From my point of view, my job is to mainly serve my Goddess, do as told, show respect for her at all times and try to make life a little bit better and easier for her every day. My job is more task oriented and labor intensive and takes much more physical demands than the role of my Goddess.

But yes, my Goddess does have to lift a finger daily, and yes she has to partake in the lifestyle. Without her participation I would be nothing more than a weak person used as a door matt for her to walk over and that, I’m not.

Her main role however requires very little physical exertion and is more attitude and psychological. Being in charge does not mean she can be lazy it just means she has to focus on other areas in our relationship and life.

Below is ten things that the author of the article I copied suggest that women should remember when they are in a femdom relationship. She suggest that if women do remember these things and enact them then they WILL be in charge. Overall I agree with most all but in doing these ten things the author does contradict herself because the Domme DOES have to lift a finger to do all of these in some ways. So here we go with the ten things!

1) In general, a submissive only speaks when spoken to. (This one is kind of impossible when your a couple, but in role play sure, bring it on! The dome still has to enforce it and when the rule is broken by the sub she will have to lift a finger to hold the sub accountable in some way)
2) A submissive responds better being told what to do instead of being asked. (This one I 100% believe! As a slave to my Goddess, I WANT her to TELL me what to do always, not ask! Asking in my opinion defeats the purpose of being her slave, its giving me a choice then.)
3) Do not feel pressure to do anything. This is the submissive‚Äôs job. (Again I agree with this one but disagree with the “not doing anything” phrase. The Domme has to make sure the sub¬†IS doing what they are supposed to and his desires met also. believe it or not, subs have desires and needs also.)
4) Learn to enjoy yourself sexually while the submissive is withheld. (Although this pains me to say I 120% agree with this. When I am sexually satisfied or after I cum I care about one thing only, MYSELF and to be honest I get very selfish and¬†I can become a real asshole¬†to my Goddess, that’s why we both felt it better that I no longer am allowed to cum. Its been about 4 months now and although I do miss it A LOT the benefits¬†have been greater in ways that it has kept me pretty much¬†grounded and compliant with my Goddess’s demands.)
5) A submissive needs to feel the tug of your proverbial leash. Find ways that work for you. (This here is one of the most important aspects of Femdom. For me, I not only want to serve and love to serve my Goddess¬†feeling her control over me is as important if not more important to me. I need, desire and crave the constant reminder of my place in life with her as her slave. I need, desire, crave¬†her direction, commands, of what I can and cannot do in our¬†day to day¬†life. I want to be reminded every day, multiple times a day, that I am her possession and she is my owner and she¬†allows me¬†to serve at her feet¬†for one reason and one reason only and that’s because she is worthy of my worship but she also allows me because she loves me¬†and serving her is my calling in life and a great privilege.¬†¬†¬†
6) Acknowledge daily to your submissive their role beneath you by telling them in some way they are doing things you want. (This is actually great advice. I know I experience several emotions when my Goddess does this. It is a reminder of my pace beneath her. It makes me feel proud that I am able to serve her and it also makes me feel happy she is happy with my service.)
7) Tell your submissive as soon as you are upset with something they are doing.¬†(this is one that my Goddess has to work at a lot¬†is¬†her biggest struggle I think but is¬†improving. If I do something wrong I WANT TO KNOW IT! I like every man can be oblivious to some things and I’m not always aware when I am doing something to upset her. It is HER job to train me¬†and mold me into the person she desires me to be therefore it is her job to correct me and correct me right away when I am doing wrong. Honestly until she gives up her hesitations and fears of as she puts it “what my reaction will be” if she punishes me I don’t think she will truly be fully in charge. Control, respect, power are in a lot of cases earned through fear.¬†Although¬†there is zero doubt inside me that my Goddess loves me dearly and I would never question that,¬†I have a strong desire for her to instill that fear in me and administer REAL punishment so that I am more aware of my actions and words.)
8) Find things you enjoy and use your submissive to do them. (No big comment on this due to all women do this to men lol and I am proud of my Goddess over the past years for thinking much more about herself and putting herself first unlike the way she used to be in putting everyone else first.)
9) Remember, your submissive feels pleasure when you use them. You are being nice when you give them a chance to do something for you. (I again 100% agree with this statement. I love doing stuff for my Goddess. However she doesn’t do it much but I do ¬†love her telling me what to do, I love her assigning me chores to. I know when she DOES give me a chore or orders me to do something it’s because she rally wants it done because she doesn’t tell me to do things just because she can.)
10) Being strict is welcomed. (What can I say here except its what its all about! The more strict she is with me the happier I am. Being strict with me shows

  • She cares about me
  • She wants to be in charge
  • Constant reminder to¬†me of my place
  • Shows she is a strong woman
  • Shows self confidence

So as you can see the phrase “Being dominant is not something you “do”, its someone you “are”.” is actually misleading in a lot of ways but also true in others. I think a lot of people men or women are dominant but hold back and don’t act on their desires do to the possible repercussions in their personal lives. I think a better way to state the phrase would be.

“Being Dominant is the desire within of someone you are. Dominating is something you do.”

 

 

Topping From the Bottom

Something I get accused of all the time is “Topping from the bottom‚ÄĚ which¬†indicates a person who exercises power in¬†a M/s¬†relationship, despite being in the ‚Äúbottom‚ÄĚ position.¬†I do not think there is anything¬†wrong with doing that, as long as both partners consent. But some people talk about ‚Äútopping from the bottom‚ÄĚ like it‚Äôs bad ‚ÄĒ as if power ought to belong to one side or the other; as if the bottom should never express preferences or make decisions about what‚Äôs going on.

I think there are multiple reasons why bottoms/slaves do this, some with good intensions and some with bad intensions. I get accused of this often however I don’t mean it as “topping” I use it more as an alternative ¬†form as communication and expression.

First I want to start out by saying and stressing that I believe the one single most important factor in a successful, long-term M/s relationship is COMMUNICATION! When I do it its either out of one of two reasons. Frustration or wanting to convey a new request or idea to my Goddess.  Unfortunately whether it is out of frustration or it being well intentioned, it usually is taken as topping from the bottom to my Goddess.

The one thing I most crave out of my Goddess is control. Yes I have consented to be her slave 24/7 and yes I try to always do as I am told but I also have needs and desires like everyone else. I also believe I am very much more open minded and have more knowledge in M/s lifestyles. This lifestyle is something I have desired as long as I can remember and I was the one that introduced it to her a few years ago.

I understand that most all the stuff people see on the internet in regards to a M/s relationship is geared to it ALL being about the Dominant! That’s where I believe newbies have a misconception of what the lifestyle¬†is all about. It is just as much about the slave/submissive as it is about the Dominant! If it was all about the Dominant it would NOT be consensual, PERIOD!

I whole heartedly believe that when people are interested in this type of relationship and it fails, its because of a few things,

  • Lack of communication¬†or trust
  • Frustration due to when one side is not getting their needs fulfilled
  • Misconception of what the lifestyle is really about
  • 100% selfishness on either the¬†Dominants or¬†slave/bottom’s¬†¬†part
  • Lack of participation or consistency

I desire this lifestyle for many reasons, but first let me get a few things out of the way. Yes I love my Goddess with all my heart. Yes I want to serve her and make her the happiest woman alive. Yes I think she is the sexist woman alive. Yes in many ways I do think she is superior to me. Yes I think she is more than capable of leading me daily. Yes I want to serve her because it also makes her life easier and happier in serving her in the ways we have agreed upon.

But this is NOT all about the Dominant! Its about both!  Let me repeat this! But this is NOT all about the Dominant! Its about both!

Now back to what this is actually about, Topping from the bottom! Personally I don’t call it topping I call it communicating!

The number one thing I crave and desire is to feel under complete control of my Goddess¬†while increasing the feeling of her control and my submissiveness. I feel due to the fact that¬†I know what triggers these emotions within me and most of them being unconventional I basically have to drop hints or outright tell her. If you were to ask her yourself she would tell you she is not “imaginative” in this area. For me to “top” from the bottom as many puts it I feel would be non-productive of the goals I’m trying to obtain. However, the goals I’m trying to obtain, she is well aware off in my opinion and¬†would be unattainable if I wouldn’t communicate how to go about reaching them. I have a twisted, unconventional way of thinking and I am well aware of it! The best analogy I can give is if you are going on vacation and driving to a specific destination you have never been to, you are going to use a map or nowadays GPS!

One example is sex. When we are being intimate I feel like I am a very lucky man to be in the same bed as her pleasuring her in the ways she likes. I know what she likes and if I am missing anything its because she hasn’t communicated it to me. But back to where I was going with this. I feel very lucky and fortunate that I am the one she has chosen to be with sexually but there is one thing that increases the strength of those feelings! Degradation! I ask her at times to do this. I ask her to tell me my dick is small and could never satisfy her like her favorite dildo does. Or tell me how worthless I am and how lucky I am to be between her legs or that I really am not even good enough to be there.

This I know irritates her because she thinks I am telling her what to do. I don’t mean for it to come out that way or for her to feel that way but she takes it that way. That is how I communicate my thoughts with her! I¬†do NOT mean it to be “topping from the bottom”.

Why does this heighten those feelings inside me? No clue! I guess maybe if you were a professional and had a HD you would say it was from a traumatic event that happened in my childhood, but I do not believe that Psychological bullshit. I think in my own twisted view that its because it heightens the way I look at the privilege of being able to do what I’m doing if that makes sense. Analogy time, I guess if you were to draw a number line from 1-10 and put us both on that line without the degradation she would be at a 6 and me a four. The distance between my feeling fortunate and lucky increases with her degrading me to her being a 10 and me a one if that makes sense. I love the feeling of being beneath her!

There are many other things that we do or I would like to do that increases my feelings of being beneath her or increases my submissiveness. However when I tell her about these things she takes it again as me topping from the bottom. I simply view it as trying to¬†communicate to her a variety of stuff that will help me keep¬†and build my submissive mindset and feelings of being inferior to her. They are not meant¬†as me¬†“telling” her what to do or as most call it in a M/s relationship “topping from the bottom”.

So here’s a message to my Goddess! I’m NOT topping from the bottom! I’m communicating to you those feelings that will only help improve our relationship and make you more powerful in my eyes and hopefully more inferior to you! If I wanted to be in charge and be the dominant one between us I would as the saying goes “just do it” but I don’t! I have absolutely zero desire to be in charge but in the same token I do want you to know what makes me feel more submissive and inferior which in turn helps me be a better slave in serving you in this day to day life.

The more inferior I feel towards you the more powerful you look to me!

The more inferior I feel results in me being more happy and makes me desire serving you all that more.

The more inferior I feel which results in my serving you more has obvious affects on you that I see that you probably do not even notice resulting in you feeling more confident, sexy, and happy!

My Goddess, I love you with all my heart and my hope is you got something out of this!

your slave always marc

 

 

 

 

Ways of Dominating Your Man

One thing a slave wants is the constant reminder of who is in charge! There are so many ways a woman can do this daily with little effort giving big results. For me the most frustrating thing is when I am supposed to be the slave but never receiving reminders from my Goddess of my place while still keeping up my end of the agreement.

There are so many lists/articles on the web of ideas to help people that are actively living in a M/s lifestyle. Here are a few ideas I found on the web while reading that I thought are good!

Ways to Tease Him

– Tease Your slave to get him to the point where he‚Äôll ‚ÄúDo Anything to please You‚ÄĚ
– Make him strip naked while You keep Your clothes on.
– Have him kneel before You and kiss Your feet.
– Have him address You as ‚ÄėMistress‚Äô
– Have him kiss Your ass.
РDon’t let him masturbate or touch his cock without Your permission at any time.
– Tie his hands behind his back. Have him kneel with knees spread naked in front of You while You read or watch TV, occasionally nudging his balls or penis with Your shoes.
РEither order him to stay erect, or don’t give him permission to have a hard on… either way, punish him if he fails!
– Use some strong string (kite string), tie a slip noose in the end and tighten it around the head of the penis, tug on it, pull it shake it, lead him with it, whatever You please.
– Show Your slave Your panty crotch, make him smell it, but no touching without permission.
РTie Your slave spread eagle to the bed and tease him for hours. Make sure he has a big hard on, but once he does only touch it when he needs just a little more encouragement, don’t let him cum.
-Put on his favorite lingerie and tease him with Your beauty.
-Scratch him with Your finger nails.
-Pinch his nipples.
-Sit on his chest and find out what he would do to be allowed to kiss Your nipple. Let him almost kiss it but pull away, make him beg.
-Take a break, put some worn panties over his face and leave the room for a while and let him think about what else You might do.
-Squat above his face, make him reach with his tongue to taste the crotch of Your panties…get more promises
-Blindfold him and make him lick You to several orgasms. Take a break, cum back and do it all again.
РRub his face against Your pussy or sit on his face, but gag him with Your panties or a gag so that he can’t lick You.
РTie his balls off to something behind him so he has to tug on them to smell Your panties or kiss Your ass…stay just out of reach.
– Masturbate in front of him. Use a dildo or a vibrator.
РPut the base of the dildo in his mouth and make him satisfy You with it. Do it so his nose presses between Your ass cheeks. He’ll be Your little brown noser and love it.
– Make him lick the dildo clean.
– Tie him down to the bed and tie his hands to his penis but do not give him permission to cum with harsh punishments for disobedience.
– Put Your worn panties over his head so he can smell your odor.
– Make him wear a cock ring

Ways to Humiliate Him

– Make him wear Your panties or lingerie, dress him up as a little girl or a French maid.
РMake him do housework naked or dressed in women’s clothes.
– Have him pamper You, have him:
– give You a foot/back/full body massage
– give You a pedicure/manicure,
– paint Your finger/toe nails.
– bathe You/shave your legs.
– cook and serve You a nice dinner.
– Make him hand wash Your panties and lingerie.
– Make him polish Your shoes with his tongue.
– Make him wear a collar and lead him around with a leash, like a dog.
– Attach a leash to his balls or cock ring, and lead him around with that.
– Tie it off in front of the sink while he does the dishes.
РRide him around as Your pony boy…spurs? a riding crop?
РDress him up like the slut that he is, wear a strap-on dildo and make him beg to suck it. fuck him. (don’t forget the fuck-me red lipstick!)
– Make him wear Your panties or lingerie under his regular clothes when he goes out or goes to work so that he will think of his Mistress constantly.
РMake him masturbate for You, make him beg for permission to cum, don’t let him, punish him if he does.
– Make him screw himself with a dildo.
– Make him earn his rewards; for example:
– Allow him to kiss Your ass after the dishes are done.
Р1 minute of pleasure for him for 10 minutes of Yours.  5 minutes of pleasure for him after he makes You cum 5 times.  Spank him 10 times for each minute it takes him to make You cum.
РIf You think he’s earned an orgasm, make him cum on Your feet or Your ass and then make him lick You clean.
РOrder him to bring himself to the edge of orgasm and stay there until You give him permission. When You give the command he must cum within 5 seconds or he will be punished and/or not allowed to cum at all. (keep him that way for 30 minutes, an hour…or as long as You want)
РIf he’s really horny and bothering You, You may want to curb his interest by ordering him to jerk off 5 or 6 times in a row. Use it as skin conditioner… 3 times on each foot, have him spread it around and lick them clean after each time.
– Always make him lick You clean after sex and after you pee.
– When You go out, order him to tie himself up, be naked or dressed up as a girl and be kneeling at the door for when You arrive.
– Lock a padlock on his balls.
– Give him a golden shower, have him drink your golden nectar from you
РMake him think of a new way for You to humiliate him. Punish him if You don’t think it’s good enough. Make him post it to the net (and send it to me to add to the list)

Ways to Discipline and Punish and Torment Him

РSpank or whip him. (wooden spoon, hair brush, belt, ruler, ping pong paddle, riding crop, switch, cat-o-nine tails…)
– Tie him in an uncomfortable position.
– Tie his ankles together and attach his balls to them.
– Hog tied. (wrists and ankles tied together)
– Hanging from the ceiling by his wrists.
– In a chair with his knees pulled up to his shoulders ‚Äď good for spanking and everything is exposed and vulnerable.
– Tie up his balls and cock with a long leather thong, clothes line, or boot lace. Use a long piece, and wrap the base and balls repeatedly. Do each ball separately. Tie tight loops around his shaft from base to tip then tie the end off back between his legs and up to a belt or to his handcuffs.
– Make him wear a chastity belt or cock cage.
– Attach clothes pins or nipple clips to his nipples, balls, cock or wherever.
– Put a butt plug in his ass. Or get out the strap-on.
– Enema.
– Double up on his domestic chores, make them more difficult: tie his hands; make him use a toothbrush to clean the toilet, tie his ankles with a short chain and make him wear extra high heels.
– Deny him orgasms for a long period of time.
– Have him lick You clean after you pee.
– Put Ben-gay or icy-hot on his penis and nipples.
– Drip candle wax on him.
РMake him do exercises (jumping jacks, leg spreads, squats, aerobics, yoga…)
РHumiliate him in public…take him shopping for panties/lingerie

Caged!

One thing I think everyone strives for as a slave in a M/s relationship is that feeling of total control. Totally being under someone else’s control 100%. Not just surrendering yourself willingly to someone but actually giving over that control them taking it and you under their control 100% for a given time and you not being able to have a choice of freewill. One way to experience this is a cage!

I had read different articles on caging your slave before my Goddess and I begun our journey into this lifestyle and proposed the idea of buying one when we started our journey. I expressed the psychological benefits to me and her both along with other benefits and she agreed to “try “implementing one into our lives. ¬†I purchased one¬†to experiment with in hopes we would both like it.

At first we bought a large flimsy dog crate to see if we would use it and like it before spending the money on a good cage. We received it from eBay and I right away set it up in the closet and that night we begun using it.

Before I go on I want to stress that I understand and respect people view M/s, D/s lifestyles differently, everyone has ways that work for them that don’t for others and this is MY take on how I want to look at our relationship together with my Goddess.

I know that no one sex is superior than the other completely. Each sex has their strengths and weaknesses. I DO however believe one person can be superior to the other and this is where me and my Goddess come into play. If I were to rate us each in lets say 10 different areas I would say she is superior in 7 out of 10 of them. Those areas of superiority in her is where I desire to focus my worship on her while trying to help her build up the areas she is lacking.

So back to the cage. So in all stories I have ever heard, read, watched that involve a Goddess and slaves not once did I ever come across one where a slave is worthy to sleep next to his goddess every night. In all honesty this type of mindset is the exact mindset I wish my Goddess to adopt and live by. I am her slave by choice and I do recognize and honor her superiority over me so our mindset should be that I am not worthy in her bed except for when she calls on me to pleasure her sexually. So as soon as the cage arrived I set it up in our walk in closet and we started using it. I started sleeping in it every night with the door of it padlocked shut.

After a month or so we both figured out it was a positive addition to our lives and also got sick and tired of hearing the flimsy cage rattling etc. whenever I moved inside it so we bit the bullet and spent nearly $400 on an actual real cage for animals that has actual bars on it. I slept every night in that cage for over a year and slept very well. We found out it offered a lot of benefits and some we never counted on.

  1. My Goddess is a light sleeper, this allowed her to sleep uninterrupted the whole night without being woken by me tossing & turning or snoring.
  2. Since she slept better every night she was in better moods and didn’t have as many migraine headaches.
  3. It also allowed her privacy to masturbate whenever she wanted without fear of me walking in on her and being embarrassed.
  4. Mentally it built up the control aspect both in her and me.
  5. I found sleeping on the hard surface every night was much better for my back. so less back pain daily.
  6. I had a problem leaving in the middle of the night and moving to the couch to watch TV, that I no longer do.
  7. In my mind I felt much closer to my Goddess because I was actually 100% at her mercy and control for about 8 hours out of everyday.
  8. It solidified our positions we accepted stronger as her being the superior one over me and me the lessor.
  9. I think it also positively affected me as in me showing more respect and being more obedient to her.
  10. It made me feel more loved due to it gave me a sense she was paying more attention to me.

A couple years ago we decided to upgrade our lives and now we live in a different home and between moving and life’s drama our special relationship fell to the wayside and we were just living as a¬†everyday vanilla couple. Raising kids, working full time and doing our responsible dull everyday duties we all do that is expected of us. The “us” time we used to so cherish in my opinion was now gone.

Fast forward about 18 months and we decide to reclaim our “us” time and my Goddess says she is ready to lead and demand my worship again. I gladly accept. My Goddess and I get along so much better in everyway while practicing our special lifestyle. The old contract was rewritten and agreed upon and signed and once again we were on our way to having “us” time! About the only thing that we had to bring back was the cage and finally it was set up and we started using it again but not as consistently as before for.

This time is different though. Last time I was inside the closet in our bedroom just on the other side of the door about 5′ away from my Goddess. This time I’m down the hall and locked in the cage in a storage closet under the stairs. Where as before I still felt close to my Goddess at night now I feel left alone. The one thing I admit I do not like is that this arrangement is suppose to bring us closer and in a lot of ways it does but in some ways it doesn’t due to the distance.

I still however get half of the benefits. I feel the control, and actually sleep better at night. Not sure why but being locked up in the cage and it only being 36″ wide by 52″ long I feel safe and at ease even though I am cramped and unable to stretch out. I also feel good knowing that my Goddess is sleeping better every night also. After all, this relationship is mostly about her right?

I have been kicking some ideas around in my head to make it work to where the cage is brought back into our bedroom closet but ultimately that is up to my Goddess. Hopefully I can make it work so when its time for bed there will be no question where ‘my’ bed is and I go there directly and climb in and look up as my Goddess closes the lock and walks away until morning when she lets me out.

 

 

 

 

Humiliation Training

Found this writing very interesting yet very true in all ways. Humiliation is in my opinion one of the strongest tools one can use when not only training a sub but also as a reminder of his or her place always.

As a Dominant or Dominatrix, you have a special role in the development of your slave. You can utilize a variety of tools and training to encourage their full potential, and enable them to fully serve you and your needs. For some slaves, they require a certain sort of breaking down of their current state of mind. One way to inspire their feeling of being in a submissive state is to use humiliation training. Though not all slaves will want this sort of training, some do want it and can benefit tremendously, allowing them to sink into their role and serve you in the best way possible.


 

**Please Note** Humiliation training should never be conducted unless it has been previously discussed and agreed upon by both partners.  Humiliation training will not work if the submissive has not consented to it. Much care and attention should be spent on understanding the submissive’s past and knowing what forms of humiliation are completely off limits, so it can be avoided at all costs during training. Caution and common sense must be used at all times.

Humiliation Training

At the core of humiliation training is the creation of a lesser than headspace. This occurs by humiliating the slave’s central state of mind and putting them into a vulnerable state. This requires starting by identifying what makes the slave feel humiliated. This might include:

How they feel about themselves ‚Äď A Dominant or Dominatrix can also identify what the submissive feels is the worst part of them (at this time, anyway). This might include how they look, how they sound, or how they behave when under stress. By talking about what the slave might be easily humiliated by, then that information can be used in a scene or as part of a longer-term training.

How they respond to certain words ‚Äď There might be key words that a slave will find most humiliating. Some might respond to derogatory words, certain swear words, or certain labels that might be applied to them. Depending on the slave, you will need to find out what has the greatest possibility of generating true humiliation. Because every slave is different, it is essential to get to know your slave and to find out what they will benefit the most from in their training.

How they are impacted by certain goals ‚Äď You might also choose to find certain goals that are nearly impossible to achieve. In doing so, there will be multiple points at which the slave is not going to succeed. For a slave who has issues with wanting to please their Master or Mistress, they will feel humiliated each time they try to reach the goals‚Ķand can‚Äôt. You might choose to point out all of the times they make a mistake, further humiliating them and making them think they are never going to please you.

How they respond to certain dress or punishments ‚Äď Some slaves will feel humiliated by having to wear certain items (e.g. a diaper, the opposite gender‚Äôs clothing, etc.). By simply being in these garments or being punished in their most vulnerable areas, they will sink deeply into the headspace of being the object of humiliation. A Master or Mistress can then remind the slave of their position again and again, further enforcing the idea that they are less than their trainer.

How they have been treated in their lives ‚Äď You can also explore the ways in which a slave has been humiliated in their everyday lives. Perhaps they did not do well in a work situation. You might find a way to act these sorts of real life scenarios out to feel the humiliation again, though with the lens of power exchange. The Dominant might be the mean boss, for example, and enact that to see how the slave will respond.

There might be other situations in which a slave will feel humiliated, so having detailed conversations about the slave will enable a more personalized approach to this training method.

The Purpose of Humiliation in Training

Many mistresses and masters will use humiliation training to encourage:

  • A submissive mindset at all times ‚Äď The more you can keep a slave in the state of feeling like they are less than their master or mistress, the more they will stay engaged in the training process. If it‚Äôs clear they are going to be humiliated for any small infraction, the more they will remain submissive at all times during your scenes together.
  • A more focused slave ‚Äď This sort of humiliation training also encourages focus and determination. While the slave might not be able to avoid humiliation, as they may never be perfect, they will realize it is their job to keep trying to please their trainer.
  • A slave that is willing to do whatever their master/mistress wants ‚Äď Just as exercise builds stronger muscles, humiliation training will help a slave become more focused on attending to the needs of their master or mistress. Whether they are trying to avoid humiliation or not, the slave is better equipped for any scene in which they find themselves.
  • A slave who is empowered to face their fears ‚Äď At its core, humiliation training helps to empower slaves against their fears. While they might find the beginning of this training to be challenging, they will slowly become stronger and better able to adapt the humiliation and the feelings that develop from it. They will be able to strengthen their mind and do what is asked, without being afraid.

The trick with humiliation training is that it’s best for slaves who already have a strong foundation in being submissive. Though some masters and mistresses might want to start with this hardcore training, it’s not always well-suited for those slaves who are just finding their place.

Humiliation is a tool of expansion for a slave. It is a practice of being able to follow through with commands and scenes, while their mind and body is overwhelmed by the stimulation of being humiliated. Over time and with practice, the slave will simply drop into a scene, accept their humiliation, and act accordingly.

No matter the reason why humiliation training is chosen for training, the master or mistress has a sacred responsibility to ensure the slave is well cared for in each scene. Though the scene might be harsh and difficult, the dominant or dominatrix needs to find some way to ensure the slave sees their progress. No one will be perfect, but the attempts of the slave to be their best will need to be recognized and appreciated.

And thus, the training will be a success.

Let It Go!

You can never be happy if you’re always afraid to let go of what’s comfortable, familiar. Sometimes, those are the things that hurts us.

Ever want to do something new¬†or wonder what it would be like to do something new? Ever had a chance to do something new¬†and pass it up then regret you didn’t? How about this, ever want to do something new¬†and do it, and found out you loved it? Do you pass on doing new things only because you think it might make you feel uncomfortable? Ever take a chance and do that “uncomfortable” thing and find out it was like second nature to you and you enjoyed doing it?

I think we all pass up on doing things because we might feel the thought of doing something might be uncomfortable, unfamiliar or even worse, afraid of doing something like trusting and loving because we have been burnt badly in the past.

Opinions, beliefs, traditions, and feelings change typically in all of us over time. I am a perfect example of this. Mine have changed a lot and the one thing that changed all of them without me having any kind of choice about it is my wife/Goddess.

Here is where the phrase “Let it go” come in play.

First off I was raised with very old fashion vales and traditions. My father ruled the house with an iron fist while providing for the household financially. My mother was the traditional housewife who did all the cooking, cleaning, parenting and whatever was demanded of her by my father.

I have been burnt by women several times both mentally and financially to where I had to start over gain because they got everything and it took years to regain what I had. For nearly ten years I lived single with a lot of harsh feelings to the female race. After all they all are nothing but a bunch of gold digging whores who cheat on their husbands and spend their lives in the bars being alcoholics all while, we men are being good by staying home and working hard to provide, right?

If and that’s a big if, I ever got stupid and met someone that I wanted to share my life with again I’ll be dammed if I ever trust¬†again! I’m going to want what my father always told me to go after. A woman who doesn’t work (because when they work they cheat), a woman who is only interested in basically being barefoot and pregnant who knows their place is in the kitchen cooking my dinners. I will rule my house with an iron fist like him and not put up with any bullshit from anyone period!¬† (I know my Goddess has a huge smirk on her face here)

Well, after being single for nearly 10 years all my fears, harsh feelings, hesitations, bitterness towards my arch enemy the female race got stomped on hard and ground deep hard into the ground. I met her! You know the one that was going to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen whom I would never trust and rule with an iron fist! Yup, I met her.

I let it go!

I am not going to go into how, why or when only to save on time but all those feelings I had towards women, you know the manly ones? I let them go! This woman I met blew my socks off! She is so damn sexy, beautiful and amazing she robbed me of all those feelings and she has actually made me into what I intended her to be. I am the one that cooks, cleans, and spends my life in the kitchen and takes direction from her. Yup. I’m the wife.

I was blessed to meet the most amazing incredible woman alive and she completely took over my life in the fact that I feel so deep in love with her that I would do anything for her. I never felt this strong of love before! I soon started to notice the more I did for her the happier she was which in turn made me happier. For numerous reasons and all positive we actually found a commonality in an alternative lifestyle of Dominant and submissive. I never pictured things the way they are now due to I always thought it would be me/Master, her/submissive but it is 100% reversed that now. I am now happier than I have EVER been being married to my wife whom I now refer to as my Goddess. I happily serve her everyday doing all the domestic chores a typical housewife does. I am at her beckon call to satisfy her sexually (and pay her $$ for allowing me the pleasure) with no regards to myself, due to I am no longer being allowed to cum.

Moral of the Story

  1. If I had refused to let go of my negative feelings, trust issues and animosity I would not be married to the most amazing woman alive.
  2. If I hadn’t tried new experiences with my wife I would be missing out on a lot of pleasures I now enjoy.
  3. If I had stayed in my comfortable space I would be missing out of everything I have right now.
  4. If I didn’t have an open mind and want to experiment with some things I would not be the person I am today.

So when it comes to life, open up your mind to all things and never rule something out until you have tried it. Be experimental, adventurous¬†and try new things as long as it isn’t hurting someone. Get out of your comfort zone from time to time, you might like it and learn new things! Encourage and support¬†your partner in life in their interest and choices. Personally I want my wife/Goddess to become more dominant over me. I want to look up at her each and every day as the most amazing powerful woman alive so I try my best to¬†encourage that in whatever ways I can to build her mindset¬†up.

I in turn ask for her to do the same for me as her slave. I want her to chose my clothing, talk to me as her slave, demand respect, assign tasks, and always keep me in the state of denial.

I always believe you should always put yourself first as I do always. The type of lifestyle I have chosen to live as my wife’s/Goddess’s slave is putting myself first, because her happiness and love is what I most desire in life. But I could not do it if I wouldn’t have opened up my mind some and let all past stuff go and looked at life with my Goddess as a new beginning with no anticipation of what direction we would grow in. I just followed my heart and went with stuff at the spur of the moment and let go! I have learned so much about myself these past years with her and hope to continue to grow in my service and love to my Goddess each and every day for the rest of my life.

I want to leave you with a few questions to ask yourself.  If your partner were to pass away today would you feel good that you did everything in your power to support and encourage him/her in life. Was there something else you could have done? Do you have any regrets?

LIFE IS TO DAMN SHORT! DON’T TAKE IT ALL FOR GRANITE! DO TODAY WHAT MAKES YOU BOTH HAPPY FOR TOMORROW THAT PERON MIGHT BE GONE!

To my Goddess

Missing you is my hobby, caring for you is my job, making you happy is my duty, and proudly serving and loving you is my life!

I love you with all my heart

your slave always marc