Defining the Roles
The whole concept of a Female Led Marriage really isn’t new to society. There are certain things women have always been in charge of in “most” successful, happy marriages. I’m sure we all have heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life”. There is a lot to said about that saying. Regardless of whether you are 100% vanilla or 100% into kink or somewhere in between, if your lady isn’t happy, the man isn’t.
I am going to set aside for a minute the FLR mindset and speak as a conservative, Red blooded American with the old fashion mindset. When women are not happy with their husbands in a vanilla marriage they have the God given talent to make us men miserable by bitching, moaning and groaning, being accusatory towards us men and most of all the undeniable gift of being a Master at making us feel guilty all in the effort to get what they want and they are relentless until they succeed. (Sorry Ladies but its true)
Now if we as men really love our wives and care for them, we typically give in and let them have their way. This does several things that benefit us men, the nagging and bitching stops. The evil looks diminish away and she’s happy again. And, let’s not forget one huge benefit we typically get also, MAKE UP SEX!
What I am trying to say basically is that in all reality to a certain extent, women have always been in charge of the marriage and household. However in a “Female Led Marriage” we have begun to define our roles more clearly to formalize who is in charge. Another aspect is society has changed in its views a great deal of what is considered the “mans job and role” and the “women job and role” in a marriage. Now when the man stays home and takes care of the house and family (which has always been the women’s role traditionally), its acceptable.
I was brought up in in my family with old fashion values and beliefs and if I had to define the word and roles of wife and husband they would be as follows;
- Wife- the primary caretaker of the house and family. The one whos does the cooking, cleaning, laundry. Gets the kids off to school. Has dinner on the table when the man gets home. Makes sure the man is always sexually satisfied. She typically stays at home the greater amount of time or works part time and earns less as the secondary breadwinner than the husband.
- Husband- the major bread winner. The one that works fulltime, makes the most money, makes all the decisions for the family. The one that comes home expecting a meal on the table after working all day, expects the woman to sexually pleasure him on demand, and expects to be basically waited on by the wife.
Personally I envision (in my opinion), that when a couple agree to live the lifestyle of a Female led Marriage they basically agree to reverse the roles. Of course there are many different levels as how far/extreme you can take this and that is all personal preference.
Female Led Marriage vs Femdom Led Marriage
The above term as far as Femdom Led Marriage might not be a “correct” term but for me I wanted to distinguish at least for me, that in my mind, there are indeed two different types of Female Led Marriages. For me, the Female Led Marriage is basically the couple swapping traditional roles for the most part and they have various levels of course. Here in my opinion the man still also has a say and is treated with equal respect on decisions but the wife has the majority say in things or disagreements are negotiated to a mutual resolution. Both parties focus on making each other happy and the wife is leading more because she just has more of a dominate personality.
Femdom Led Marriage to me is also the above but more extreme with absolute control of the female over the male. Everything is negotiated before hand to where once the boundaries of everything is agreed upon as far as how much control (Whether it will be total power exchange or limited in some areas), outside of the agreed upon restrictions negotiation no longer exist and decisions are made entirely with what will benefit the female with little to no regards to the male.
The female cares for herself more than the male, she is selfish, wants nothing to do with domestic duties and wants her submissive male to take care of these. She sets herself up on a pedestal to be worshipped by her submissive man, she is confident. Although she does love her male submissive and wants to share her life with him, her main desire is for her man to serve her as her slave taking away all unwanted duties, task, she may find unpleasant and for him to look up to her as a “Goddess” and to be obedient to all her wishes and love, respect and adore her.
Reason for Submission
There are so may reasons I believe why a man would want to submit to a woman from just pure love and admiration for the woman to just kink or both. For me with my Goddess/Wife it is a combination of both.
Remember these are MY reasons, its not a list of standard reasons for all, everyone is different. I respect whatever reason one may desire this. So here goes, and its not in any order of importance;
As far as Her
- I love my Goddess/Wife very much
- I admire & respect her
- I gain happiness through making her happy
- When I look at her, she defines the words, love, caring, attractive, beautiful and sexy
- I am in continuous amazement of her caring heart
- She is smart
- She is very feminine
- If I had to describe what a Goddess looks like or what type of person she would be, I would describe my Goddess/Wife.
- I understand nobody is perfect but She is perfect for me!
- I love, admire, respect her more than anyone in the world! Did I mention that? 🙂
As far as me
- Ever since I can remember I have always had the desire to submit to a beautiful woman
- I like to let go and not have the added stress of making most decisions. I do however (and we have agreed on this which all should) want to be involved in the big, important decisions that can affect others.
- I have a very imaginative mind
- I find housework, crazy as it sounds, relaxing and fulfilling
- I love cooking
- I feel like I am very lucking to have my Goddess/wife in my life
- I get bored easy
- I desire to be as close to my Goddess/Wife as possible and this lifestyle enhances closeness.
- I don’t want to fail her in anyway and by her making the decisions I know the chances of failure are minimal
- I have always felt more like I wanted to be a follower rather than a leader. However if and when needed I can be a very good strong leader if needed.
Here I believe is one of the most important vital aspects of any relationship whether it be a vanilla, Femdom, Female led or whatever. The needs of both (I cannot stress the word “BOTH” enough) have to be met for both parties to be happy. In most loving relationships I think the most important thing is to make the other party feel loved, desired, respected, and needed. For my Goddess/Wife I think that is 90% of her needs. In a alternative relationship like we have chosen, the other need in my opinion is a non-judgmental open mind for things that are not vanilla. My Goddess/Wife’s needs I think are very much simple and in line with most needs of every woman in a relationship.
- She needs to feel like she is loved always
- She needs to feel desired always
- She needs to feel she has my support always
- She needs to feel secure I will never go anywhere and not ever leave her
- Feeling sexually fulfilled
- This one however is in line with our agreement, she needs to feel secure in knowing she really is in charge and she needs my obedience willingly
Everyone has different “triggers” that make them feel a certain way and mine however are unconventional but probably common with most men that desire the lifestyle as a slave/submissive.
My list of needs however are more extensive, more non-traditional, however most all designed to ensure my obedience with her. But hers are a lot less time consuming and task oriented. Hers mostly in my opinion focus more on my mental state towards me and more dealing with her open mindedness and state of mind/attitude.
- I need her to be consistent
- I need her to actually not only make me feel controlled but CONTROL ME!
- I need her to be the leader and TAKE CHARGE!
- Quit asking me what I want and make decisions for us and for me. Tell me what to do, not ask. Make decisions in what SHE wants!
- When she tells me to do something, expect it to be done, no questions.
- I need her to hold me accountable like a parent would a child. If I do something wrong, PUNISH ME ALWAYS never allowing any transgressions to slide.
- I need her non-judgmental support and open mindedness and willful participation in things that keep me in the mindset of being submissive and being a lessor to her. Here is where the non-vanilla aspect falls in line with my imaginative mind but all these things help immensely with my mindset. Such as
- Keeping me in panties 24/7.
- Incorporating other clothing and being pro-active and lay them out for me and having me wear them such as women’s jeans, bra’s, hose and or whatever she may think of in addition as much as possible
- Constant verbal reminder to me of my place beneath her (light humiliation/light verbal degradation)
- Referring to me as her wife whenever she can
- Calling me my given female name she gave me as much as possible and also referring to me as she, her, girl, woman
- Being dominant sexually
- Denying me the pleasures of orgasm’s and cumming
- Chastity as much as possible
Views of the Femdom Marriage (my view, her view)
My reality of this lifestyle of course is not much different than the fantasies I have of one. But my reality I believe is obtainable to meet 95% of my fantasies. There are only a few things we have restricted from our “power exchange” which we have agreed to mutually agree on such as decisions dealing with kids and money/major purchases. There are a couple things off limits that I am adamant about that she doesn’t like but once again, I am not willing to sway on so before we started we agreed on all these areas.
Ok, now that I got all this out of the way on what I believe in difference in Female Led/Femdom relationships and needs and roles the real reason for this writing is my Goddess/Wife has tasked me with the very difficult assignment of writing how I think she views a Female Led/Femdom Marriage. I think our views are real close however our views on how to do it differ quite a lot. I need constant reminders of my place beneath her which I think differs from her needs and desires.
My view and what I would love to see in day to day life is her complete (well 95% at least) control over me. Most every day since the stuff we agreed to disagree upon before we officially started happen often, she would have 100% control.
- She would pick out my clothing each and everyday that I wear.
- If I go somewhere and do something I would have to ask permission like a child would with their parents.
- Like a child I would also know and be confident if I do not listen and do as told, or I fail to do a task there will be consequences and I will be punished without fail and no transgressions would ever slide.
- She would expect me to take care of all domestic duties and a clean house at all times.
- She would see herself as superior to me and treat me as a lessor and refer to me as my fem name Marcy when possible and make me wear fem clothes as much as possible.
- She would offer up constant daily reminders to me that I am her sissy wife/slave bitch and my only job is to please and serve her.
- She would make all decisions for us, telling me them and not asking.
- She would demand me to pleasure her often sexually with no regards to my sexual satisfaction while keeping me chaste and denying me any release except on special occasions where she is feeling generous.
- Each night she would demand me to be on my knees before her and thank her for allowing me the privilege of serving her.
Her view (in my opinion)
My Goddess/Wife asked me to write on how I think she views the lifestyle. I really am hesitant doing this as we are still growing in the lifestyle and I think she will take my opinions wrong or twist them and take things as a personal dig against her. I do NOT mean anything negative as to I fully understand and accept that I have desired this all my life and she has only been exposed to it a few years. I also understand that there are areas where she is very hesitant due to my personality traits and also her coming from a previous marriage where her X was a complete abusive, dominating asshole. In my opinion it showed great strength on her part to get out of it and leave. Today she is so much different then the person I first met! She has grown to be a strong woman but unfortunately is still haunted by some past experiences.
In my opinion she has all the tools and desires to be that Dominant woman we BOTH strive for her to be and eventually I do think she will reach that point. She says our desires are both in line with each other. She wants to be in 100% control. She wants to hold me accountable and discipline me for my transgressions. I believe her 100%! I also however believe she has a huge hump to get over to make all this happen and forget the past and also put complete trust in me that I also desire all this and just DO IT!
I think she views the lifestyle pretty much the same as me.
She is to be the one in charge and make decisions.
- I am the one to be responsible for all domestic duties.
- I am there to serve her.
- She believes that her sexual pleasures and satisfaction are what’s most important between us, while denying me mine and keeping me chaste.
- She desires my worship often to raise her up on a pedestal.
Views with Training/Discipline/Consistency/Kink
Now to the difficult areas. I have tried to explain to her that although I desire all these things and desire to serve her, I am also not a doormat. Sure there might be people out there that will submit to every whim of another never questioning their orders, that’s not me.
I often will not want to do everything I’m told to do (because I am my own person and not a door matt) or I will often fail to do what is required of me (because I am human). Most every time its not on purpose, but just out of stubbornness or laziness.
- When I fail to do these things, I wish her to hold me accountable with REAL punishment/training.
Sure, I am a masochist a little, I like to be lightly spanked when we, as we call it, “Play” but I do NOT like real pain. Bending me over something and spanking me for real with real hard swats would NOT be pleasurable and it would hurt and serve as what I call REAL punishment and put a powerful reminder/trigger in my mind to NOT reoffend also reinforcing my place as her slave beneath her. This is not however to feed my masochist side because of the fact I won’t enjoy it. This however is to train me and make me be a better slave to her.
She says she does understand the concept and why I desire this aspect however I think she is afraid I would retaliate in some way (which I keep telling her I wont) and just doesn’t feel that it is necessary and not worth the effort on her part to be consistent on it. I feel also it just also isn’t as important to her as it is to me. To me, any let down or disobedience on my part is a huge deal to me so EVERY transgression NEEDS to be addressed. I think it is one of the most (if not the most) important aspects of a Femdom Marriage and yes, I understand I am an adult, and in a “vanilla” lifestyle it doesn’t happen, but we have decided not to live vanilla.
We, even as adults are held accountable everyday in everything we do. You break the law, you go to jail. You screw up at work, you get fired. I guess the way I feel here is, if I fail or disobey and I’m not held accountable than is anyone really in charge? the answer is quite simply no.
- I agree with her and understand in one thing as far as discipline. At times I have a short temper and I can be really stubborn and fly off the handle. She says that she is afraid if she were to discipline me that I would fly of the handle and get mad at her. Is this a possibility? Doubtful, but I do not think that will happen and I ask her to trust me. I do NOT think it is fair to judge me of something before it happens.
- Although I think she believes me, I think she has hopes the my total obedience no matter what it is, will just naturally happen with no effort on her part. I have told her from the very beginning its a two way road and effort is vital on both sides, not just one side.
- A lot of times I get the impression it could also just be out of pure laziness on her part that she doesn’t follow up on holding me accountable and or she has a million excuses of why holding me accountable for transgressions is needed or possible to do at the time.
- Another area is Kinky play, I enjoy it, desire it, think about it often and its important to me. She enjoys it yes, but we rarely play. I think here our differences in importance are a long ways apart. I love her to tie me down and spank me in an enjoyable way to where the pain is minimal and sexually dominate me while verbally degrading me. I think she enjoys it sometimes but rarely. To me it just doesn’t seem that important to her. Plus I don’t think she thinks she is very god at it but she truly is AMAZING at it!
- As far as clothing such as panties/bras/hose etc. I don’t think she understands the powerful mental effects it has on me. Hell, I don’t understand it at times except all I can say is that when a male wears them it is opposite of being masculine if that makes sense and offsets the “manly” feeling and makes me feel tons more submissive. At first she was very skeptical and hesitant on having me wear panties everyday but now it has just become a norm to her but helps me stay in the mindset. To sum this area of kink up I would say
- Masculinity in a male to me equals being in charge and dominant and being the leader who makes all the decisions
- Being Masculine does NOT equal being submissive
- Wearing women’s undergarments is the opposite of Masculinity
To sum it all up
I don’t think we are far apart as to what the end results are as far as her the one being in charge and me being obedient at all times. I however believe we have our differences on how to get to that goal and how we should be living it 24/7. I also believe the lifestyle is more important to me than her and the amount of effort that we both need to apply to reach our goal is somewhat different. I think she thinks since I am an adult that no discipline is necessary and that I should just comply with her at all times and be obedient.
Overall so far I am happy in the level we have obtained so far and fully understand and accept that each day offers up new opportunities at learning about the lifestyle and each other while growing in it. However each day also offers up new challenges and frustrations.
I may be 100% wrong here but in my opinion my analogy is this. If you were to picture a mountain and the left side represents the desire of the lifestyle and the other side total acceptance of it in every aspect, she is at the peak of it just to the left and I am on the right with my hand extended reaching out to her wanting her to just get past that final hurdle whatever it is inside her head to fully accept and live it 24/7 and fully embrace herself as the leader and dominant one and view me as her lessor slave, there to serve & pleasure her at her beckon call.
I feel I am ready 100% to take that final plunge into submission to her. I know and 100% believe how lucky I am to serve her and be in her presence everyday. I am married to the most amazing, sexy, beautiful, kind hearted woman alive and I am 100% confident of this. Until she can believe all the above and trust that I want this 100% that last hurdle cannot be done, however it will someday!
I welcome would like comments as long as they are polite and respectful keeping in mind we all have our differences in opinions and we are all different and these are MY opinions only.