Anyone who is in or ever been in a D/s or M/s alternative lifestyle knows there are many interpretations of how they should be. No one is wrong or right.
In my opinion I think we first need to understand the difference between D/S & M/s. In my humble opinion this is the difference which will differ than others familiar with alternative lifestyles in this regard.
In a Domme/Submissive relationship the submissive retains rights but also agrees to submit to his Mistress while having limits and a safe word. The submissive has the right to say no and or express his opinion in stuff he does not agrees with in decisions his Mistress make. The submissive wants to still retain his individuality while yet submitting to his partner to make her happy and better her life in all ways. To me the power exchange here is about 6o/40.
The Master or Mistress/slave relationship however is quite different. Usually with this arrangement everything is negotiated before entering into the relationship so both parties know what to expect going in. This is Total Power Exchange where the Mistress has 100% of the power over the slave after the negotiations are finished and the slave has no rights. There are no safe words or limits, all this is decided upon the Mistress. The Mistress has the right to push slave to or even past his limits without regard to what the slave thinks or feels. The slaves only job is to serve and provide unquestionable obedience to his Mistress.
So can a Mistress or Master even though they have all the power and the slave has given up all his rights take advantage in a unfair way of the slave. The answer is simply yes.
We all choose our roles in life whether they be vanilla or some form of alternative lifestyle. A woman may choose to be a Mistress because she truly believes women are superior or likes the power over someone or even the feeling of being worshipped like a Goddess hence a male may choose to be a slave because of inadequacies or he likes pain or has spent all his life being that “decision maker” and no longer wants that, or purely just enjoys serving and pleasing the one he loves. There are so many reasons why one chooses the role they choose and they choose them for countless reasons.
I can mostly only speak for myself here as far as what I perceive as the difference between serving and being taken advantage of with some obvious statements that pertain to all M/s situations. Being in a M/s relationship is 100% consensual. Ground rules of the arrangement are set forth ahead of time so each person is aware of the expectations of the other. Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. When one side fails to meet those expectations of the other they are taking advantage of them and the one being taken advantage of gets frustrated to the point of just giving up.
Going into my relationship there were things I knew what my Mistress wanted and was clear minded as to her expectations as to the way she likes to be treated.
- She wants to be loved and listened to most importantly
- She wants to feel wanted both as a wife and Mentor
- She wants to feel desired sexually
- She wants nothing to do with domestic chores or cooking
- She wants to be spoiled and treated as a Goddess
- She wants to be respected and wants my obedience
If I fail in any of these areas and downplay the importance of each thing she desires than I am taking advantage of her if she is doing her part.
Going into this there were things she knew I desired and I expected out of her.
- Clear and concise direction of all her expectations of me as her slave
- Being held accountable with punishment such as spankings for all actions she feels are acts of disobedience, disrespect or failures to do agreed upon chores or task
- Sexually her pleasure ALWAYS comes first and its all that matters. Her making all the decisions sexually and also controlling all my orgasms with denial, deciding when and if I get to cum.
- Being talked down to as a lessor being when appropriate and or when we are alone demanding respect in how I address her saying yes and no Ma’am as much as possible and her correcting me when I fail to address her in such manner with respect.
- Wearing panties daily and she locking up my male underwear, while expanding in this area. I don’t want the choice though of what I wear but for her to make me wear them.
- Kinky sex often including being pegged
- The most important thing is HER CONTROL. I no longer want to feel like a man that has free will, I want to feel like she controls all aspects of my life.
- Humiliation in various forms
We both know overall the most important things that each of us desire and what is most important to us. When one side fails to provide for the desires and agreed upon request of the other but expects the other to keep up their end then they are truly being taken advantage of.
The one golden rule we both have and both agree on and respect is that as far as close friends and family we do this with stealth and NEVER bringing in a 3rd party in our special relationship.
I think where most people fail in their attempts in living a M/s relationship/arrangement is we try to analyze the whys to why people crave or desire things they do or why they like to be treated the way they wish. I don’t have the desire to be in charge and do not want it. I can see the many advantages of it but really don’t understand why a person desires to be in charge. If that is their desires, I’m fine with it and don’t care, and don’t try to find some type of inadequacy in them to try and give for a reason why they desire this. I for one enjoy domestic chores and cooking and get great satisfaction out of doing it and providing in that way for my family whereas my Mistress has no desires for this. Again, I do not try to understand or guess why, I just respect this in her. I for one don’t care because I don’t think there is anything wrong with people having different desires or wishes. As long as nobody is getting hurt, no laws are being broke and everything is consensual and it makes them happy then my question is, why not?
A M/s relationship is work on BOTH sides! I think that’s where people have a false sense of making it a long lasting relationship. Neither side wants to be treated like a Mistress or slave part time they want every second of every day. This isn’t a “scene” its a way of life. When one side fails to give equal consideration to their partners wishes and desires and become selfish in their own, this, I believe is when the other party takes advantage of their partner. On the other hand at least from the way I see it, and I do believe it goes both ways. The more I feel like and am treated like a slave the more I accept my role hence increases my desires to serve and be obedient to my Mistress while holding her up in my eyes as a Goddess and I’m sure the more obedient and pleasing I am to her the more it encourages her domination of me. I read a book once that the author made a comment that is so true and fits both sides.
“When a slave/Mistress no longer feels like a slave/Mistress you will lose them.”
We are all individuals with different wants, needs, desires and that’s what makes our lives such a wonderful journey. We are all different. Respect and give 100% commitment and stay consistent in everything you do and never fail in fulfilling you role whatever it is. As long as we each are committed and do our part, neither party will feel like they are taken advantage of. Taking advantage comes when we fail to fulfill our roles while the other is.
Both roles feed off each other and without 100% commitment in their roles 24/7 while staying consistent it is doomed to fail. I for one do not believe one sex is superior than the other however I do have the strong desire in my relationship for my Mistress to be superior over me. Not because of her sex or beauty or intelligence but because I have great respect, love and desire for her and above and beyond everything else I want her to be the happiest woman alive. I for one get great satisfaction and happiness out of her happiness and while in her presence I feel like I am the luckiest man alive to have had her choose me to spend and share her life with. She is the most amazing, sexy and beautiful woman I know.