First and foremost I want to stress that unless consensual, it is nothing more than abuse and it is NOT ok! Spanking is one form of domestic discipline I have openly consented to with my Goddess/wife along with a list of other things that is frowned upon in the vanilla society. I for one am a huge supporter of spanking and do not believe all the bullshit that todays societies try to brainwash us with. When I was little, I got the belt at times and I’m here to tell you firsthand, it works with correcting behavior problems!
There are many out there in alternative lifestyles that would say that spanking your partner only plays into their desired kinks or they are a masochist and actually enjoy them. I agree with this statement. Although true, NOT all people in alternative lifestyles are the same. NOT all people enjoy spankings or enjoy pain. I for one am one of those people.
I have also read in many articles that punishment shouldn’t be necessary in a D/s or M/s relationship due to if the slave or submissive really wants to serve they should just do everything they are told without hesitation and if they do not, it must be a just a kink and they really do NOT want to serve. I 110% disagree with this thinking! Does that mean when a child misbehaves they really do not want to be your child or if an adult breaks a law and gets incarcerated they really don’t want to live free? Although for people that choose to serve as a submissive or slave true power exchange have to include REAL punishments. Just because you choose to serve beneath your partner it doesn’t mean you cant have a brain and think for yourself and by doing so your wants, needs, and desires are NOT always going to match up 100% with the one you serve and at times it will be inevitable that you rebel in some way. In my humble opinion, if the submissive or slave do everything they are told every time sure they might be submissive but in my humble opinion they are a doormat.
I do NOT want to be spanked. I do NOT find pleasure in pain. I however will fully admit that the thought of being put over my Goddess’s lap and spanked is a very erotic thought but that thought stops at the first hard sting I feel on my backside.
I think the way one could tell very easily if their partner is enjoying them or is actually receiving them as punishment would be if the submissive is purposely doing wrong to get punished. I for one do not want to be punished so therefore I try to behave but I for one am no doormat and from time to time my opinion may differ from my Goddess and unfortunately I forget my agreement with her of when we disagree it reverts to her being right and I argue which is both wrong and disrespectful.
We have various implements to use for spankings which are as follows and all of them deliver a different sensation and level of pain. I have listed them in order of how bad they hurt.
- Paddle-The heavy thug covers a lot of area and hurts like hell with no give
- Cane-The connection between the cane and my bottom is minimized to one area but the sting hurts like hell
- Tawse-Again the thug covers a lot of area and hurts like hell but has some give
- Crop-The connection is more minimized to one small area and hurts
- Flogger-Personally I find more pleasure in this instrument than pain
There is a term out there that people refer to as Funishment which I happen to agree with in spanking. If your a masochist or if the spanking isn’t delivered in the right way the pain will be minimal and wont hurt, this is when it is more fun than punishment.
For me personally and my Goddess knows this about me because I have said it to her numerous times. If I deserve Punishment, I want her to do it right and give me something to remember to where if the same thing comes up that got me across her lap I think twice about repeating my infraction. I want REAL punishment and NOT funishment! If she were to fail to give me real punishment then it simply isn’t worth doing because I will not benefit from it. It has to be something that I will remember and also know she is serious about changing my behavior in. Punishment hurts! Punishment leaves welts or bruises or at least your ass is bright red after.
How we look at things in punishment can vary from person to person as far as how severe it is or if its even done at all. Before me and my Goddess started living this life I explained to her on numerous occasions what I believe punishment is and me, knowing myself better than anyone, know what works on me! I understand for some people spanking just will not work or they might even think its wrong, or even think as an adult you shouldn’t have to spank, but if you think about it, we all get punished in some form whether it be spanking, the silent treatment, cut off from sex, or the evil eye. Spanking is quick and I know I’m being punished and I also know when it ends and for me, I want to be held accountable by my Goddess for my transgressions.
I think its very important to look at how things can be viewed from the Top and the bottom while the punishment is taking place.
The view from the bottom
Right away humiliation and wonder at that time why I am even subjecting myself to this. Then comes the fear of the unknown. How long will she spank me and how much is it going to hurt. Then regret before and after the spanking. Regret you were bad before the spanking because you know its going to hurt and regret after the spanking because if done right, your ass is on fire and your eyes are full of water. Then the relief sets in knowing its over, you paid your debt to your Dominant and you both can move on.
The view from the Top
This is how I 100% feel about how the Dominant should view things. Like I said, its how I feel but really don’t have the say in how my Goddess feels. But let me state this first.
- Real punishment is not a kink I’m into! IT HURTS!
- I wouldn’t have given the power to her if I wasn’t serious
- I would never let her spank me if I didn’t want to improve in ways she sees that I need improvement
- I know she is doing it because she CARES and LOVES ME! not because she just has a kink for wanting to hurt me.
- I want to be held accountable for transgressions
- I will learn from punishment and this does work on me if done right
Now, onto what I would hope she would feel while doing it. And I have been upfront with her about all this ahead of time before we even entered into this agreement.
- I want her to above and beyond anything look at punishment as a tool for helping me improve in how I serve her and to view it as a deterrent for me to hopefully never reoffend
- I want her to spank me as hard (not holding back in force of impact) and as long as she deems fit to where the punishment fits the crime lets say
- I want her to punish me with no regard to me pleading for her to stop or saying it hurts, she will decide when to stop only
- I do NOT want her to feel sorry for me or bad for punishing me even if I were to start crying. To be honest if she does it correctly to where I do start crying it will have the biggest impact on me and me learning from it.
- Once its over and we have discussed what and why it happened and I have apologized drop it, its over!
I take this subject very serious and at least for us, I believe punishment is a huge part of a D/s or M/s relationship. Without the punishment aspect I don’t want this arrangement because the way I look at things, I would be nothing more than a door matt for her to walk over. I know there are a lot of people out there that say it isn’t necessary in these types of relationships but I guess my question I would put to them is, “If there is no accountability for the sub/slave in a relationship like this is it really a D/s or M/s relationship?” After all one person is in charge and one is the submissive. Although probably a bad analogy but a correct one, if there is no punishment or accountability for a child (Sub) from the parent (Dominant) who’s in charge? The child is going to keep doing whatever the child wants and never learn from mistakes and all you end up with is a power struggle.
I love my wife/Goddess more than anything in this world and when I look at her, I see the most amazing, sexy, beautiful creature on this planet who holds all the power in the world over me. Yes, I did agree to give her this power over me verbally and in the form of a contract but to be honest, the way I see her and love her, she has always had it and always will and I trust her 100% in every way with that power. If she decides to punish me, I know what I did wrong in her eyes the transgression might not be a big thing to me but if it is to her, than it is huge to me if that makes sense. Then, she not only has all the power in the world over me to punish me but I would expect nothing less!