I found this on a forum and although written by a female I thought it was a great writing and rings so true in a lot of ways for both male and female slaves and think a lot of Dominants can gain from reading it.

I bolded & Italicized some comments that I either strongly agree with and or are most important to me. I added some of my own comments in numbered bullets.


I need to feel safe

  • Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You, I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I’ve given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.

I need to know You accept me for all I am

  • I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
    1. I am who I am and although some of the interest I have you like and some you may not like or understand they are all what makes me, me. I think we all can find both positive and negative in everyone we meet but we have to look at the person as a whole.

I need to have clearly defined limits

  • I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
    1. Although you have gotten much better I need you to throw away all reservations you have of how you think I may react if you tell me or remind me of your  expectations or even set and enforce new ones.

I need You to be consistent

  • I need to know You mean what You say and that today’s rules will apply to tomorrow’s behavior. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You’ve given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You’ve chosen for me. It’s not done to try Your patience, but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it’s not done consciously and I promise I’ll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
    1. I think this here is the biggest fault of anyone in a lifestyle like ours. Again, you have been doing amazingly better but consistency is huge! I try my best and also have my faults here and this is where I need your assistance. NEVER EVER let me get away with anything, ALWAYS ALWAYS correct me and or punish me if called for no matter what. Be the same everyday! ALWAYS be in charge, firm, direct and what applies to today also applies to tomorrow and the next day and so on.

I need to expand my limits

  • I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I’ll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I’ve been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I’m unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
    1. Here I would ask for you to provide me more responsibilities in whatever ways you can in additional task, duties etc. in making your life easier. I would also like more encouragement and support in things that help me on my journey with growing my submissiveness.

I need You to teach me

  • I need to learn, and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.

I need goals

  • Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction, I quickly become lost so I’ll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
    1. Here you are very relaxed on and I’m good with that in the sense of chores etc. but I would love to have some goals set by you aimed at ways in which I can serve and worship you more and better. I know the overall scope of what you like but I would love to have specific task/goals you desire of me in ways I can grow my worship of you. You always say you do not really have a “creative” mind and or can’t think of stuff but honestly I think that’s a cop out in ways. ONLY YOU knows exactly what you want, love and what makes you feel amazing and that’s what I want you to share with me! MAKING YOU FEEL AMAZING MAKES ME FEEL AMAZING!

I need to be corrected

  • I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction, I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I’ve made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You’ve set for me.
    1. I really don’t think I need to pound the sand on this anymore except, be consistent always, never allow me to get away with anything, punish if necessary with the intent it actually be punishment, be firm and in charge and most importantly ALWAYS remember you are doing this to teach/train me to be a better person/slave to you and its for MY benefit!

I need You to be my role-model

  • I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviors on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image, so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as You face Your own challenges and daily activities.

I need Your approval and reassurance

  • I need to know when You approve of me or what I’ve done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I’m unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I’m confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
    1. Although you might not think so I also need reassurance and approval from you often. To be honest most time I think you take everything I do for granted and you don’t appreciate what I do. Guess here is where I sound like the housewife lol. I do feed off your reassurance and approval and love receiving it from you because of how much I love and respect you. It energizes me to continue working hard for you.

I need to be able to express myself

  • I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren’t something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I’m upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings, there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
    1. Not everything I desire in traditional I know this but I often wonder if you’re thinking negative of me for stuff I do or desire. However, our agreement we have also isn’t traditional or normal. I just don’t ever want to disappoint you in anyway or have you think negatively of me for something I share with you. Communication is everything here.

I need to learn from my mistakes

  • I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I’ve done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I’ve faced my failure, but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.

I need forgiveness when I fail You

  • Nothing hurts me more than to know I’ve failed or displeased You, and I need to be forgiven once I’ve made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
    1. Nothing hurts me more than to know I’ve failed or displeased You, and I need to be forgiven once I’ve made amends. I thought this line was worth repeating because it is so true for me also. I do not ever want to fail you in any way however I know at times I might displease you unfortunately and this is where punishment comes in. Without punishment I won’t learn or remember. Always punish with intent of it being punishment (another words painful) having no regards for my suffering. Just a caveat here also, (I’m not telling you what to do/topping from bottom, I just want the punishment to BE punishment if that makes sense.) the last time you did with 10 swats I do not believe is enough due to just when it started to begin to be painful it was over. I think we should up the spankings to a minimum of 2o swats. Up to you though!  

I need to feel I contribute

  • I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.

I need to enjoy successes

  • Without experiencing and enjoying my successes, I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savoring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don’t expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I’ve reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don’t deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I’ve achieved a goal You’ve set.

I need to share with You

  • Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings, but those are the things I need to share the most. I’ll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I’ll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.

I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership

  • No matter how well I’ve done or how miserably I’ve failed, I need to know I’m still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can’t survive without it.
    1. I really cant add to this. it pretty much says it all! I think if you drop the ownership off everyone wants to feel this in a marriage!  But as far as us I need to feel owned, controlled and as property of my Goddess! I always want to feel as if you have your foot on me just waiting for me to screw up so you can step on me harder if that makes sense.



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