Something I get accused of all the time is “Topping from the bottom” which indicates a person who exercises power in a M/s relationship, despite being in the “bottom” position. I do not think there is anything wrong with doing that, as long as both partners consent. But some people talk about “topping from the bottom” like it’s bad — as if power ought to belong to one side or the other; as if the bottom should never express preferences or make decisions about what’s going on.
I think there are multiple reasons why bottoms/slaves do this, some with good intensions and some with bad intensions. I get accused of this often however I don’t mean it as “topping” I use it more as an alternative form as communication and expression.
First I want to start out by saying and stressing that I believe the one single most important factor in a successful, long-term M/s relationship is COMMUNICATION! When I do it its either out of one of two reasons. Frustration or wanting to convey a new request or idea to my Goddess. Unfortunately whether it is out of frustration or it being well intentioned, it usually is taken as topping from the bottom to my Goddess.
The one thing I most crave out of my Goddess is control. Yes I have consented to be her slave 24/7 and yes I try to always do as I am told but I also have needs and desires like everyone else. I also believe I am very much more open minded and have more knowledge in M/s lifestyles. This lifestyle is something I have desired as long as I can remember and I was the one that introduced it to her a few years ago.
I understand that most all the stuff people see on the internet in regards to a M/s relationship is geared to it ALL being about the Dominant! That’s where I believe newbies have a misconception of what the lifestyle is all about. It is just as much about the slave/submissive as it is about the Dominant! If it was all about the Dominant it would NOT be consensual, PERIOD!
I whole heartedly believe that when people are interested in this type of relationship and it fails, its because of a few things,
- Lack of communication or trust
- Frustration due to when one side is not getting their needs fulfilled
- Misconception of what the lifestyle is really about
- 100% selfishness on either the Dominants or slave/bottom’s part
- Lack of participation or consistency
I desire this lifestyle for many reasons, but first let me get a few things out of the way. Yes I love my Goddess with all my heart. Yes I want to serve her and make her the happiest woman alive. Yes I think she is the sexist woman alive. Yes in many ways I do think she is superior to me. Yes I think she is more than capable of leading me daily. Yes I want to serve her because it also makes her life easier and happier in serving her in the ways we have agreed upon.
But this is NOT all about the Dominant! Its about both! Let me repeat this! But this is NOT all about the Dominant! Its about both!
Now back to what this is actually about, Topping from the bottom! Personally I don’t call it topping I call it communicating!
The number one thing I crave and desire is to feel under complete control of my Goddess while increasing the feeling of her control and my submissiveness. I feel due to the fact that I know what triggers these emotions within me and most of them being unconventional I basically have to drop hints or outright tell her. If you were to ask her yourself she would tell you she is not “imaginative” in this area. For me to “top” from the bottom as many puts it I feel would be non-productive of the goals I’m trying to obtain. However, the goals I’m trying to obtain, she is well aware off in my opinion and would be unattainable if I wouldn’t communicate how to go about reaching them. I have a twisted, unconventional way of thinking and I am well aware of it! The best analogy I can give is if you are going on vacation and driving to a specific destination you have never been to, you are going to use a map or nowadays GPS!
One example is sex. When we are being intimate I feel like I am a very lucky man to be in the same bed as her pleasuring her in the ways she likes. I know what she likes and if I am missing anything its because she hasn’t communicated it to me. But back to where I was going with this. I feel very lucky and fortunate that I am the one she has chosen to be with sexually but there is one thing that increases the strength of those feelings! Degradation! I ask her at times to do this. I ask her to tell me my dick is small and could never satisfy her like her favorite dildo does. Or tell me how worthless I am and how lucky I am to be between her legs or that I really am not even good enough to be there.
This I know irritates her because she thinks I am telling her what to do. I don’t mean for it to come out that way or for her to feel that way but she takes it that way. That is how I communicate my thoughts with her! I do NOT mean it to be “topping from the bottom”.
Why does this heighten those feelings inside me? No clue! I guess maybe if you were a professional and had a HD you would say it was from a traumatic event that happened in my childhood, but I do not believe that Psychological bullshit. I think in my own twisted view that its because it heightens the way I look at the privilege of being able to do what I’m doing if that makes sense. Analogy time, I guess if you were to draw a number line from 1-10 and put us both on that line without the degradation she would be at a 6 and me a four. The distance between my feeling fortunate and lucky increases with her degrading me to her being a 10 and me a one if that makes sense. I love the feeling of being beneath her!
There are many other things that we do or I would like to do that increases my feelings of being beneath her or increases my submissiveness. However when I tell her about these things she takes it again as me topping from the bottom. I simply view it as trying to communicate to her a variety of stuff that will help me keep and build my submissive mindset and feelings of being inferior to her. They are not meant as me “telling” her what to do or as most call it in a M/s relationship “topping from the bottom”.
So here’s a message to my Goddess! I’m NOT topping from the bottom! I’m communicating to you those feelings that will only help improve our relationship and make you more powerful in my eyes and hopefully more inferior to you! If I wanted to be in charge and be the dominant one between us I would as the saying goes “just do it” but I don’t! I have absolutely zero desire to be in charge but in the same token I do want you to know what makes me feel more submissive and inferior which in turn helps me be a better slave in serving you in this day to day life.
The more inferior I feel towards you the more powerful you look to me!
The more inferior I feel results in me being more happy and makes me desire serving you all that more.
The more inferior I feel which results in my serving you more has obvious affects on you that I see that you probably do not even notice resulting in you feeling more confident, sexy, and happy!
My Goddess, I love you with all my heart and my hope is you got something out of this!
your slave always marc