Being dominant is not something you “do”, its someone you “are”.

I found the following article today written by a female of course on a female supremacy website and thought it made a lot of some good points although it was titled different and I only took from it what I felt was worth talking about. My opinions and expressions are all italicized.

A lot of women, when a submissive male presents themselves, find the task of enslaving him too daunting. But by remembering these simple rules, you can easily benefit with no hassle at all.

I think we are all born to either follow or lead. This, in my opinion, doesn’t mean to follow or lead in every way in life. One may be a great leader at work and run million dollar companies and supervise a staff of thousands then come home and be a follower to their partner. On the other hand, one may be nothing more than a assembly line worker at the bottom of the totem pole taking orders from multiple supervisors at the workplace and then at the end of the day go home and run the household with a strict iron fist. 

We all play multiple rolls in life. Some are forced upon us, some not. Some come natural and or we desire, but some we are afraid of embracing due to our surroundings and or the way society views them.

Just remember, being dominant is not something you “do”, its someone you “are”. Its not something you should have to lift a finger for, as lifting is what the sub male is for! You just need to think, something we are much better equipped to do than the male of the species.

I 100% believe that being dominant or not even dominant but wanting to be in control of certain aspects of your life is not something you “do” as far as working to change who you are, but in a femdom lifestyle, BOTH SIDES HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER!!!!

From my point of view, my job is to mainly serve my Goddess, do as told, show respect for her at all times and try to make life a little bit better and easier for her every day. My job is more task oriented and labor intensive and takes much more physical demands than the role of my Goddess.

But yes, my Goddess does have to lift a finger daily, and yes she has to partake in the lifestyle. Without her participation I would be nothing more than a weak person used as a door matt for her to walk over and that, I’m not.

Her main role however requires very little physical exertion and is more attitude and psychological. Being in charge does not mean she can be lazy it just means she has to focus on other areas in our relationship and life.

Below is ten things that the author of the article I copied suggest that women should remember when they are in a femdom relationship. She suggest that if women do remember these things and enact them then they WILL be in charge. Overall I agree with most all but in doing these ten things the author does contradict herself because the Domme DOES have to lift a finger to do all of these in some ways. So here we go with the ten things!

1) In general, a submissive only speaks when spoken to. (This one is kind of impossible when your a couple, but in role play sure, bring it on! The dome still has to enforce it and when the rule is broken by the sub she will have to lift a finger to hold the sub accountable in some way)
2) A submissive responds better being told what to do instead of being asked. (This one I 100% believe! As a slave to my Goddess, I WANT her to TELL me what to do always, not ask! Asking in my opinion defeats the purpose of being her slave, its giving me a choice then.)
3) Do not feel pressure to do anything. This is the submissive’s job. (Again I agree with this one but disagree with the “not doing anything” phrase. The Domme has to make sure the sub IS doing what they are supposed to and his desires met also. believe it or not, subs have desires and needs also.)
4) Learn to enjoy yourself sexually while the submissive is withheld. (Although this pains me to say I 120% agree with this. When I am sexually satisfied or after I cum I care about one thing only, MYSELF and to be honest I get very selfish and I can become a real asshole to my Goddess, that’s why we both felt it better that I no longer am allowed to cum. Its been about 4 months now and although I do miss it A LOT the benefits have been greater in ways that it has kept me pretty much grounded and compliant with my Goddess’s demands.)
5) A submissive needs to feel the tug of your proverbial leash. Find ways that work for you. (This here is one of the most important aspects of Femdom. For me, I not only want to serve and love to serve my Goddess feeling her control over me is as important if not more important to me. I need, desire and crave the constant reminder of my place in life with her as her slave. I need, desire, crave her direction, commands, of what I can and cannot do in our day to day life. I want to be reminded every day, multiple times a day, that I am her possession and she is my owner and she allows me to serve at her feet for one reason and one reason only and that’s because she is worthy of my worship but she also allows me because she loves me and serving her is my calling in life and a great privilege.   
6) Acknowledge daily to your submissive their role beneath you by telling them in some way they are doing things you want. (This is actually great advice. I know I experience several emotions when my Goddess does this. It is a reminder of my pace beneath her. It makes me feel proud that I am able to serve her and it also makes me feel happy she is happy with my service.)
7) Tell your submissive as soon as you are upset with something they are doing. (this is one that my Goddess has to work at a lot is her biggest struggle I think but is improving. If I do something wrong I WANT TO KNOW IT! I like every man can be oblivious to some things and I’m not always aware when I am doing something to upset her. It is HER job to train me and mold me into the person she desires me to be therefore it is her job to correct me and correct me right away when I am doing wrong. Honestly until she gives up her hesitations and fears of as she puts it “what my reaction will be” if she punishes me I don’t think she will truly be fully in charge. Control, respect, power are in a lot of cases earned through fear. Although there is zero doubt inside me that my Goddess loves me dearly and I would never question that, I have a strong desire for her to instill that fear in me and administer REAL punishment so that I am more aware of my actions and words.)
8) Find things you enjoy and use your submissive to do them. (No big comment on this due to all women do this to men lol and I am proud of my Goddess over the past years for thinking much more about herself and putting herself first unlike the way she used to be in putting everyone else first.)
9) Remember, your submissive feels pleasure when you use them. You are being nice when you give them a chance to do something for you. (I again 100% agree with this statement. I love doing stuff for my Goddess. However she doesn’t do it much but I do  love her telling me what to do, I love her assigning me chores to. I know when she DOES give me a chore or orders me to do something it’s because she rally wants it done because she doesn’t tell me to do things just because she can.)
10) Being strict is welcomed. (What can I say here except its what its all about! The more strict she is with me the happier I am. Being strict with me shows

  • She cares about me
  • She wants to be in charge
  • Constant reminder to me of my place
  • Shows she is a strong woman
  • Shows self confidence

So as you can see the phrase “Being dominant is not something you “do”, its someone you “are”.” is actually misleading in a lot of ways but also true in others. I think a lot of people men or women are dominant but hold back and don’t act on their desires do to the possible repercussions in their personal lives. I think a better way to state the phrase would be.

“Being Dominant is the desire within of someone you are. Dominating is something you do.”




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