Everyone has their own perception of realty and fantasy. Everyone has different abilities to make what one might think is a fantasy a reality. Everyone has different opinions of what should be reality or just left to a fantasy. Everyone has different fantasys and desires. For me, my differ I’m sure than a lot of other opinions. There is no one way that is considered the only way however I think the foundation of all of them is the same. The female is the one in charge.
Being in charge
I think here most men have the idea that the woman should be in charge of everything. All decisions are to be made by the woman and her decision is final. For me right now that’s just pure fantasy due to having children, bills among other responsibilities. Realty is that life happens and things just get in the way and interrupt life that we might have a disagreement on that are very important to us that we just won’t go against. For me and my Goddess I want and desire to give over about 95% control but she knows there are just some things I won’t sway on and she knows those areas and respects them. Communication is the most vital aspects here to be successful. Simply put, each parties have to know each other’s expectations of each other and agree on them and most importantly RESPECT THEM!
The Open Mind
Here is where I think a lot of couple struggle. Personally (and this is my opinion only) I choose to keep this lifestyle between me and my wife/Goddess and believe when in a committed relationship especially when you have children that’s the way it should be due to everyone can be affected. When it comes to marriage for the most part I’m pretty traditional as far as it being between a man and woman and being monogamous.
Important Disclaimer: Please remember that these are my beliefs and they may not match yours but that does not mean if yours differ from mine that you’re wrong. I try not to judge anyone for what they believe, what their fetishes are, or what kind of lifestyle they live. That is entirely the decision of the person living their own life style.
Now back to the topic of open-mindedness. Everyone has different levels of open-mindedness and where their limits are also differ from everyone. For me, as long as it doesn’t involve anything illegal, force anybody to be involved, involve blood or scat, or children, I am all for whatever makes people happy as long as they are adults and both consenting.
Different strokes for different folks (reality vs fantasy in my opinion)
Everywhere on the Internet nowadays concerning femDom you see some woman dressed in all weather will be in a whip and they portray it as A reality of how things really are in the lifestyle but nothing is further from the truth for 99% of people. Sure I would love my wife to be dressed like that 24 seven but that’s not even close to being realistic. There are times when we get in our moods and will actually play for a while with her dress like that and in my opinion nothing is more sexier in beautiful than my Goddess dressed in leather and I could just sit there and stare at her beauty for hours but again for her to be dressed like that is pure fantasy 24 seven.
I think also the Internet portrays submissive’s or slaves and being in a cage 24 seven or as weak as individuals mentally that are either queer or anything other than a real man.
We all have our different fetishes desires and goals as far as where we want our relationship to go in this lifestyle and how much control the Dominant one has.
So as far as my fantasies versus reality here’s a few things that differ.
Control— my fantasy is for my wife/goddess to have complete 100% control never allowing me to sway in any of her decisions or orders. Unfortunately my fantasy is unrealistic and just that the fantasy do to her and I have a difference of opinion’s on very important aspects of life that as of right now we do not agree on but through communication we have worked out those details before entering into our agreement so therefore total and complete control over me is nothing but a fantasy. I have handed over about 90% control to her what she does with that control is up to her. As of yet in my opinion she has only exercised about 30% of that control. But that’s what communication, determination and never giving up is all about. We have a goal and that goal is someday that she has 100% control but right now is not the appropriate time.
Discipline— Personally in my opinion again I think that when you’re in this kind of lifestyle and you agree to be a submissive and follow orders or commands and when the submissive fails to follow orders the submissive has to be held accountable otherwise there is nobody in charge which defeats the whole purpose of the lifestyle.
Sure in my fantasy world when I do wrong I would love for my wife/goddess to pull me aside no matter where were at and admonish me and spank me but in reality again that is just fantasy. However what is reality if I were to do wrong or go against her orders she can punish me but do it in the privacy of our own home, away from anybody else, hence not involving other people that don’t understand and would be very judgemental.
A little sidenote here, I will say I enjoyed being tied down and spanked lightly which isn’t discipline. To me, discipline is being spanked hard enough that it actually hurts and I get no enjoyment out of it to where it will be a deterrent against future transgressions. Fantasy is being spanked to where you enjoy it reality is being spanked to where you don’t enjoy it.
Fetishes – – this is the never ending category too were there are so many fetishes that one could never cover everyone. But in this kind of lifestyle there are some that stand out that the Internet makes it almost appeared that you have to have them to be a submissive in my opinion. Here are just a few that I can think of.
Chastity and Denial–I think every website you go to in regards to this lifestyle has something on chastity and denial. Personally I would love to be kept in chastity 24 seven that is my fantasy but in reality at least in my case it’s impossible due to I just can’t find a device that is comfortable enough to wear at all times and would allow me to do all the activities I do and also be safe. Reality wise we do use a chastity device and we have come to the agreement that whenever I’m home alone I will wear it at all times and she has the key. I work at home quite a bit so therefore I wear it on an average of four days a week but take it off every evening when she is home.
As far as the subject of denial I think that is a realistic part of the lifestyle that is completely up to the dominant one in charge as long as both parties agree. When a man has an orgasm there are chemicals released within the brain that affects the man’s behavior after orgasm this has been proven biologically by doctors Unfortunately, and I wholeheartedly admit this after I have an orgasm I lose all interest in being submissive to my wife/goddess and in her words I act like a dick towards her for about a week. As for my reality we have come to the agreement I am only allowed to cum whenever she gives me permission. So far for the year 2017 I have only been able to cum once on my birthday without an orgasm. Do I miss coming on a regular basis I have an orgasm? More than you’ll ever know but the alternative is the damaging effects it has on our relationship so I have a greed to forgo them. That also is a reality.
Pegging–this is another area that when you get on the Internet it makes it seem like people that are involved in this lifestyle partake of on a regular basis and doing daily. Not all couples in the lifestyle partake of this or are even interested in this. Myself, I do enjoy this activity from time to time but would not want it on a regular basis. The biggest benefit I get out of this is the psychological effects it has on me as filling as the one being dominated and being a lesser to my Goddess/wife. But what Internet portrays is 100% fantasy that this is been done to every submissive out there.
Feminization/Crossdressing–this is another area once again that is pure fantasy that the Internet portrays that every submissive out there is a cross dresser and wears makeup and walks around in women’s clothing every day.
I think this category is a very fragile one to say the least. Most everyone that is vanilla would think that any man that wears women’s clothing wants to be a woman which in my opinion is far from the truth. Society is so hypocritical in its view on certain things. If you look at how women dress today the majority of them and what they wear could be viewed in the same way, we could all say they want to be a man. But for some reason society does not look at them in the way they dress as there’s being anything wrong with it.
To me, if I had my choice, which would be a fantasy come true, would be for my wife to dress every day and nothing but dresses and high heels the way I personally would define how woman should dress but that is not realistic either. Just making a point.
Personally in my opinion I think that if a man has a fetish for this behavior there’s nothing wrong with it and it doesn’t indicate that they want to be a woman it’s just purely shows they have a fetish for a particular thing. However I do think that if this is a man’s fetish they should keep it confined to the house or do it in a way that no one will know or unless they go out during Halloween dressed like this otherwise it forces their lifestyle on to other people which isn’t fair to them if it makes them uncomfortable. My Goddess/wife is somewhat open minded when it comes to this subject to where she has me wear panties every day. At first she was very uncomfortable with it and the more she was exposed to it the more normal it became as far as I can tell. I even have several pairs of women’s jeans that I wear frequently but nobody other than me and my Goddess know they are women’s jeans.
I would never want to fully dressed as a female 24 seven however I do enjoy wearing the panties 24 seven. However my hopes in the future Will build upon it and in the cool months and winter when I wear warmer clothing make me wear unlined bras underneath my shirts when I can get away with it and also pantyhose in the winter whenever I wear pants.
I would also love to sometime on Halloween go out of town and fully dress up and spend the day and night out and about. I just think that would be very exciting and that is realistic.
There are various reasons why I like to wear women’s apparel, the most important reason being that it increases my submissiveness to my goddess/wife tenfold. Another reason as far as wearing panties, they are 10 times more comfortable than any men’s underwear I’ve ever worn and cooler in the summer. The selection as far as colors different types and different fabrics is and less compared to men’s. I love the feel of the material that women’s apparel is made of compared to men’s clothing. They also in my opinion because of the greater selection, color, styles actually make you feel good about herself and more attractive. Plus there is the excitement factor of doing something that’s against society’s norms.
So to sum this category up, not every man that is in this lifestyle is out walking around dressed as a woman or a maid or a some kind a sissy. That’s just the extreme fantasies that the Internet paints as how you need to be when you’re submissive and in the lifestyle. The reality is sure some people do do this in the privacy of their own homes or keep it hidden from public in different ways but again weather men do it or don’t do it that is an individual choice and people get different things out of that if they choose to do it.
So in conclusion this type of lifestyle is not what the Internet paints it out to be. Not every man that chooses to submit to his partner in life is weak, gay, mentally deranged. Not every man wishes to be sissified, Pegged, spanked, disciplined, crossdressed as the Internet portrays it to be. There are also many other fetishes that I did not cover that the Internet portrays as part of every female lead relationship or marriage. I think that what you see on the Internet is the collective fantasies from every genre of this lifestyle.
I also want to mention that there are different levels of this lifestyle. Some men are not into kink at all and just enjoy the domination from his wife or partner and that’s it and no kink is even involved.
My philosophy on the whole lifestyle or with anything in life if it’s between two consenting adults and you’re not causing harm to anyone else and you enjoy it, why not? I’ve always considered myself a very open minded when it comes to kink but I think one important aspect of the lifestyle is being able to distinguish fantasy from reality and I think all my wishes and desires can be reality but I also consider other factors such as my kinks have to be in line and excepted Buy my Goddess/wife also and if not then by default I do as I’m told by her.
The reality I think in most cases with people in this lifestyle is that it could be your neighbor, your brother or sister, even your mom or dad, and you would never even know it. Most people that are involved in this lifestyle keep it hidden from everyone else and keep it between themselves. It’s a personal thing between you and your partner and if you so choose to keep it that way there’s nothing wrong with it. The one thing that I believe for sure is that the more dominant my Goddess/wife is in the more supportive she is of my kinks and the more consistent she is and the more she corrects and disciplines me The more I feel loved and the more I feel closer to her. I think we have a lot to work on and a long ways to go but I also have faith that we both want it and we will eventually succeed. Overall my alternate goal is to please her above and beyond anything else but also have the feeling within me that I am 100% under her control and if I do step out of line I will be held accountable by her discipline.
Sure fantasies are great to have but some are better left just fantasies.