De-Programing & Re-Programing

We as a society have assigned certain traits instilled in both men and women since the beginning of time. Men are suppose to be strong leaders, in charge, masculine and make all the decisions for the families while women are weak, serve as followers to their husbands and be secondary in life decisions.

Times are changing these days, more women are working and taking a leadership role in todays world while men are increasingly taking on the traditional roles of the women by becoming stay at home dads or helping with domestic duties.

Personally I think the decision of who is in charge of a relationship or family should be not made because of ones gender but be made by who is best suited for the role. Although as of late it is getting more acceptable society still puts a great deal of pressure dictating the traditional roles of both male and females.

Deep down inside me I crave to go against societies expectations of the stereotypical male as being the strong masculine leader who makes all the decisions for the family. It’s not that I can’t do it because I know without a doubt I can and pretty much have all my life until I met the most incredible, beautiful, amazing woman I call my Goddess.

However as much as I desire this secondary role it is so hard to just let go and follow as the same with my Goddess. As much as she wants to be the one in charge and make decisions she has been programed in the traditional role as a woman and house wife.

I have given this so much thought in the past couple years and ask myself these questions nearly daily, So how do we fix this mess we are in? How do I take the submissive role as the traditional “house wife” and how does my wife take on the role as the strong leader who makes the decisions for us and rules the house with authority?

There really is only one way, De-programing and Re-programing.

Can you really teach a old dog new tricks?

The answer is YES! However it does take time, patience and consistency. Behaviors and mindsets are learned behaviors in my opinion that do or can change over time if the core beliefs in someone are already set.

Example: I was brought up to believe that the man should dominate and rule the family and marriage making all the decisions and I have always been that person, however deep down inside I truly do believe a woman can do all these things just as well if not better than the man. I don’t believe that the one making all the rules and decisions should be based solely out of gender, it should be based off which party makes the most rational decisions and the one whos is more level headed if that makes sense. I have an open mind to the woman being in charge therefore the foundation within me is already there, it just needs to be built.

Analogy: Lets say you have a house, the house that sits on the foundation is the persons mindset and personality (basically the way the man lives his life). Re-Programing would be to tear down the house leaving the foundation there and building a new house the way you want it. The same can work with people. I already have that foundation that a woman can lead just as well as any man, however my house is already built and needs to be torn down and rebuilt into the way she wants it.

Tearing down the house = De-programing

Building a new house on the old foundation = Re-programing

The military uses the same philosophy on new recruits entering into the military throughout training camp. It DOES work however it also involves work from both sides.

Back to the house analogy. As I said, I already have that foundation and would actually say my house is all framed due to the fact I have taken on all domestic chores and cooking and do it willingly. However we all know its the upgrades inside a house when the walls are up that really make a home. Same goes with its really what’s inside the person that makes the person.

De-Programing

I think there are a multitude of things that the stereotypical male needs to shred in order for a FLR/Femdom relationship to work long-term.

With the help of his partner I believe (this is my opinion only, every one differs) the male has to be a willing participant and have the desire to shed:

  • The mindset of being in charge & savior
  • The mindset of “house work (cooking, cleaning, laundry) is women’s work”
  • The mindset of machoism or in some ways, some of his masculinity in order to become more docile/softer
  • The mindset of being hard/strong all the time and accept and trust his Dominant can do everything as good or better than him

Some things might come natural but I am guessing most do not. We as men might have these desires deep within us and truly want to serve our Dominant however it is so difficult to keep the male tendencies within us when things go wrong or not the way we want it and we get frustrated and say fuck it! I am guilty of this myself!

I do however believe with help from our Dominant these things CAN be buried deep inside us and we can learn how to control these feelings/actions that society deems as being a normal male. However burying these deep and locking them up doesn’t mean we are any less male it just means we are willing to suppress these feelings for the reason of love and admiration of our Dominant in order to please them and make them happy.

Here’s the big thing though, BOTH parties have to be willing participants, have the strong desire to live this life style, be open minded, accept and embrace their new roles and commit and be consistent to all the above, and above all else, TRUST EACH OTHER that this is truly what they want. Without this, it is surely on the destination for failure.

Re-Programing

Re-programing isn’t really changing the way one believes for the most part but becoming aware of unwanted habits we have and changing them.  Here is where all the work comes in! At first for quite a while it takes a lot of self awareness from both sides to make this work.  However, again it takes BOTH sides and sooner or later the changes both hope to happen will become second nature so you don’t always have to be so “self aware” of the changes that we are attempting to accomplish it just becomes “normal”.

Before I move on I want to say, these are my opinions and how I view things however what works for me might be entirely different from other submissive’s. I know what works for me, how I react to different situations and what triggers feelings of submissiveness and keeps me in that mindset. Although some unconventional, there are some things that help me a great deal obtain and keep in a submissive mindset. I also believe that even tough my Goddess may not understand the psychological aspects of some, they are very helpful to me and take little or no effort on her part but mostly a open mind and acceptance.

Everyone has different “triggers/reminders” that help and serve as a reminder of their place beneath their dominant and these triggers in my opinion are essential for reprogramming submissive people.  Although me and my Goddess have been doing this for probably 5 years it has been of and on due to life just throwing us curve balls and shit happening. I know I have the desire within me that I want to serve her as her slave for the rest of my life however just because I have that desire it doesn’t mean I am where either one of us wants me to be nor is she and she also has the desire to improve.  So here is my desire of my Goddess to reprogram me and I have no doubts if she were to trust me, keep an open mind and be consistent I will be re-programmed and in time it will become normal for both of us.

Her/Dominant—Attitude

  1. She needs to believe and trust me that I do desire and want her to be in charge
  2. Talk with confidence and authority and mean it
  3. Tell me what to do, don’t ask, follow through with demands
  4. Set rules and enforce them
  5. Hold me accountable i.e. Discipline
  6. Keep me chaste and deny me
  7. Be selfish, put herself first before me. By doing this my needs will be met also.

I am married to the most incredible, sexy, smart, amazing women I have ever met and I am so incredibly in love with her and she needs to believe that and trust me.

Unfortunately she is also the type of woman that holds everything in until she explodes. I wish she would track things I do good and bad and just take the time once a week to sit me down and tell me how I am doing. Communication is #1 in alternative relationships like this. This I think is our biggest struggle, I never know what she is thinking. No matter how big or how insignificant I want to know what is on her mind. I cant help or make changes from my side if I don’t know where to make those changes. There is ALWAYS an excuse, lack of time, kids, tired, headache and on and on, I just wish she would make the time once a week sit in her chair in our bedroom with me on the floor before her and go over my behavior with me in private whether good or bad.

Me/slave

Here I guess is the unconventional stuff that helps me gain the submissive mindset and that I would love for my Goddess to do/use on me to re-program me to help me obtain that permanent mindset. Unfortunately I know I NEED to be re-programmed even as much as I desire to serve my Goddess and even though I am married to most amazing, sexy, smart woman I NEED HELP and I can NOT do this on my own.

Although it might be a little work, open mindedness, understanding on her part, I am 100% confident (only because I know myself better than anyone) that in time and with her being consistent I would become that submissive we BOTH desire permanently and it will become the norm for both of us. Once you do things over and over for a long period of time things become the norm especially if it is something you both desire.

Example. I mentioned to her one thing I would like is for her to have me wear panties. At first she thought it really odd and different understand and was reluctant. We bought a couple pairs and she put them in me once and then I never wore them again for months. We again tried and it lasted a few months. I could see she looked at me strange at first when I had them on and was uncomfortable to some degree however a couple years ago I begin wearing them everyday now and now if I would put on a pair of male underwear she gives me that strange look she used to when I first started wearing panties. Plus a look of annoyance lol. Why does she give me those looks now when I put on male underwear………………because it’s NOT the norm anymore. She is used to me in panties everyday.

Discipline

  1. Positive reinforcement 

Some of us want to know, “What do I get out of this?” Positive reinforcement answers this question. This practice involves the addition of a gratifying experience in reaction to something someone has done. Many adults respond to praise and recognition. If I do something good and receive praise for it, I want to do it more.

2. Negative reinforcement. 

One of the toughest things we can do as adults is to punish ourselves. Punishment is a form of behavior modification that discourages the unwanted act by application of an unpleasant stimulus in reaction to the behavior.

For wrong doings I react best to this type of reinforcement, follow through on everything we have agreed on and enforce all commands to me and never let a thing slide. Punish me as soon as possible after transgressions.

Sleeping

  1. Lock me up every night where appropriate to sleep.

Clothing

  1. Continue of course with me wearing panties every day unless I have a doctors appointment or similar.
  2. As much as you can choose what I will wear for the day.
  3. Start replacing my clothes with women’s clothes. Such as pants, for every pair of women’s pants I have take a pair of my male pants away. I think in most cases pants, underwear, socks and some shirts can be replaced to where nobody will know the difference but us. Lock all the replaced clothes in trunk.
  4. Whenever possible mostly during cold months make me wear a bra daily and pantyhose under jeans whenever we go out for dinner or somewhere special for the weekend.

Chastity

  1. Lock me up always whenever we are not together. It has a positive mental effect. Although I might appear that I am not bothered with denial I DO want to gain relief I think of it nearly all the time when alone. Locking me up when I am alone takes the question of “Should I masturbate she will never know” out of my head and helps me focus on pleasant thoughts of you and how lucky I am to be owned by such a beautiful, amazing Goddess.

Sex

  1. Whenever you wish, demand me to pleasure you while denying me always except for special occasions or when you are feeling generous. However as much as I love to cum and how amazing it feels do NOT feel guilty no matter how long you choose to deny me.

Language

  1. Talk to me as your subordinate. Whenever possible in private refer to me as her, she, girl. Require me again whenever possible to refer to you as Ma’am, Mistress, Goddess.

Allowance

  1. Give me a weekly allowance and take my cards away to track all purchases I make and have me turn in receipts to account for all money spent. Anything over allowance amount I will have to seek your permission first.

Conclusion

Although some of this is unconventional and against societies norms I do believe all of it can be accomplished and I can be re-programmed to your liking while re-programing yourself. I also know a lot of this is repeat stuff that I have said in past post however I also believe its a good thing to be reminded of things.

The big thing I think that 99% of the people error on is that you just cant say one day I want to be a Domme or slave and wake up the next day and be that person you want to be. Change takes a lot of time, work, patience. We need to put every effort into changing and if you in turn will put every effort you have from your side to helping accomplish the change in your partner, the results of that is a good thing because the positive effect will be you also changing.

 

 

 

 

Femdom Life Coaches & Counselors

This is a topic that really pisses me off! We have life coaches for just about every aspect of life from “normal” relationships to career paths we desire to follow. We have counselors for everything from depression to mental illnesses that help us improve our lives but very few and I mean very few to the point of it being rare for female led relationships. I think because professionals just think it’s wrong or it’s just kink or some other stupid reason. Why is that? Maybe it’s because they just don’t think it’s real or people really want it! 

I have seen some advertisements online for these services but I am also very skeptical of the services offered and think they nothing more than just sites where people can masturbate to and screw a person out of money. I know I do not have the money to just throw out on a chance however I would pay a reasonable fee if I were to find a real person that could help us grow our relationship. 

I think if one were to go to a counselor they would look at the lifestyle as a mental illness and try to fix you rather than help you grow in your respective role as either dominate or submissive. 

Personally I think couples in this type of relationship are happier and more successful then those in vailla ones due to the understanding, trust, love, admiration you have to have for one another as compared to vanilla relationships. 

Although the internet provides and endless amount of information on female led relationships it is at times can be hard to decipher fact from fiction especially for people new to this. 

I think that we all at times need someone to help us whether it be some just to talk to so we don’t think we are alone or someone to help us or coach us in our relationships to more understand each other and grow our roles. 

Anyone out there ever try a life coach or kink friendly counselor?

Female Led Marriage: Roles, Reason and One View vs Another.

Defining the Roles

The whole concept of a Female Led Marriage really isn’t new to society. There are certain things women have always been in charge of in “most” successful, happy marriages. I’m sure we all have heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life”. There is a lot to said about that saying. Regardless of whether you are 100% vanilla or 100% into kink or somewhere in between, if your lady isn’t happy, the man isn’t.

I am going to set aside for a minute the FLR mindset and speak as a conservative, Red blooded American with the old fashion mindset. When women are not happy with their husbands in a vanilla marriage they have the God given talent to make us men miserable by bitching, moaning and groaning, being accusatory towards us men and most of all the undeniable gift of being a Master at making us feel guilty all in the effort to get what they want and they are relentless until they succeed. (Sorry Ladies but its true)

Now if we as men really love our wives and care for them, we typically give in and let them have their way. This does several things that benefit us men, the nagging and bitching stops. The evil looks diminish away and she’s happy again. And, let’s not forget one huge benefit we typically get also, MAKE UP SEX!

What I am trying to say basically is that in all reality to a certain extent, women have always been in charge of the marriage and household. However in a “Female Led Marriage”  we have begun to define our roles more clearly to formalize who is in charge. Another aspect is society has changed in its views a great deal of what is considered the “mans job and role” and the “women job and role” in a marriage. Now when the man stays home and takes care of the house and family (which has always been the women’s role traditionally), its acceptable.

Roles

I was brought up in in my family with old fashion values and beliefs and if I had to define the word and roles of wife and husband they would be as follows;

  • Wife- the primary caretaker of the house and family. The one whos does the cooking, cleaning, laundry. Gets the kids off to school. Has dinner on the table when the man gets home. Makes sure the man is always sexually satisfied. She typically stays at home the greater amount of time or works part time and earns less as the secondary breadwinner than the husband.
  • Husband- the major bread winner. The one that works fulltime, makes the most money, makes all the decisions for the family. The one that comes home expecting a meal on the table after working all day, expects the woman to sexually pleasure him on demand, and expects to be basically waited on by the wife.

Personally I envision (in my opinion), that when a couple agree to live the lifestyle of a Female led Marriage they basically agree to reverse the roles. Of course there are many different levels as how far/extreme you can take this and that is all personal preference.

Female Led Marriage vs Femdom Led Marriage

The above term as far as Femdom Led Marriage might not be a “correct” term but for me I wanted to distinguish at least for me, that in my mind, there are indeed two different types of Female Led Marriages. For me, the Female Led Marriage is basically the couple swapping traditional roles for the most part and they have various levels of course. Here in my opinion the man still also has a say and is treated with equal respect on decisions but the wife has the majority say in things or disagreements are negotiated to a mutual resolution. Both parties focus on making each other happy and the wife is leading more because she just has more of a dominate personality.

Femdom Led Marriage to me is also the above but more extreme with absolute control of the female over the male. Everything is negotiated before hand to where once the boundaries of everything is agreed upon as far as how much control (Whether it will be total power exchange or limited in some areas), outside of the agreed upon restrictions negotiation no longer exist and decisions are made entirely with what will benefit the female with little to no regards to the male.

The female cares for herself more than the male, she is selfish, wants nothing to do with domestic duties and wants her submissive male to take care of these. She sets herself up on a pedestal to be worshipped by her submissive man, she is confident. Although she does love her male submissive and wants to share her life with him, her main desire is for her man to serve her as her slave taking away all unwanted duties, task, she may find unpleasant and for him to look up to her as a “Goddess” and to be obedient to all her wishes and love, respect and adore her.

Reason for Submission

There are so may reasons I believe why a man would want to submit to a woman from just pure love and admiration for the woman to just kink or both. For me with my Goddess/Wife it is a combination of both.

Remember these are MY reasons, its not a list of standard reasons for all, everyone is different. I respect whatever reason one may desire this. So here goes, and its not in any order of importance;

As far as Her

  1. I love my Goddess/Wife very much
  2. I admire & respect her
  3. I gain happiness through making her happy
  4. When I look at her, she defines the words, love, caring, attractive, beautiful and sexy
  5. I am in continuous amazement of her caring heart
  6. She is smart
  7. She is very feminine
  8. If I had to describe what a Goddess looks like or what type of person she would be, I would describe my Goddess/Wife.
  9. I understand nobody is perfect but She is perfect for me!
  10. I love, admire, respect her more than anyone in the world! Did I mention that? 🙂

As far as me

  1. Ever since I can remember I have always had the desire to submit to a beautiful woman
  2. I like to let go and not have the added stress of making most decisions. I do however (and we have agreed on this which all should) want to be involved in the big, important decisions that can affect others.
  3. I have a very imaginative mind
  4. I find housework, crazy as it sounds, relaxing and fulfilling
  5. I love cooking
  6. I feel like I am very lucking to have my Goddess/wife in my life
  7. I get bored easy
  8. I desire to be as close to my Goddess/Wife as possible and this lifestyle enhances closeness.
  9. I don’t want to fail her in anyway and by her making the decisions I know the chances of failure are minimal
  10. I have always felt more like I wanted to be a follower rather than a leader. However if and when needed I can be a very good strong leader if needed.

 

Needs

Here I believe is one of the most important vital aspects of any relationship whether it be a vanilla, Femdom, Female led or whatever. The needs of both (I cannot stress the word “BOTH” enough) have to be met for both parties to be happy. In most loving relationships I think the most important thing is to make the other party feel loved, desired, respected, and needed. For my Goddess/Wife I think that is 90% of her needs. In a alternative relationship like we have chosen, the other need in my opinion is a non-judgmental open mind for things that are not vanilla. My Goddess/Wife’s needs I think are very much simple and in line with most needs of every woman in a relationship.

  1. She needs to feel like she is loved always
  2. She needs to feel desired always
  3. She needs to feel she has my support always
  4. She needs to feel secure I will never go anywhere and not ever leave her
  5. Feeling sexually fulfilled
  6. This one however is in line with our agreement, she needs to feel secure in knowing she really is in charge and she needs my obedience willingly

Everyone has different “triggers” that make them feel a certain way and mine however are unconventional but probably common with most men that desire the lifestyle as a slave/submissive.

My list of needs however are more extensive, more non-traditional, however most all designed to ensure my obedience with her. But hers are a lot less time consuming and task oriented. Hers mostly in my opinion focus more on my mental state towards me and more dealing with her open mindedness and state of mind/attitude.

  1. I need her to be consistent
  2. I need her to actually not only make me feel controlled but CONTROL ME!
  3. I need her to be the leader and TAKE CHARGE!
  4. Quit asking me what I want and make decisions for us and for me. Tell me what to do, not ask. Make decisions in what SHE wants!
  5. When she tells me to do something, expect it to be done, no questions.
  6. I need her to hold me accountable like a parent would a child. If I do something wrong, PUNISH ME ALWAYS never allowing any transgressions to slide.
  7. I need her non-judgmental support and open mindedness and willful participation in things that keep me in the mindset of being submissive and being a lessor to her. Here is where the non-vanilla aspect falls in line with my imaginative mind but all these things help immensely with my mindset.  Such as
  • Keeping me in panties 24/7.
  • Incorporating other clothing and being pro-active and lay them out for me and having me wear them such as women’s jeans, bra’s, hose and or whatever she may think of in addition as much as possible
  • Constant verbal reminder to me of my place beneath her (light humiliation/light verbal degradation)
  • Referring to me as her wife whenever she can
  • Calling me my given female name she gave me as much as possible and also  referring to me as she, her, girl, woman
  • Being dominant sexually
  • Denying me the pleasures of orgasm’s and cumming
  • Chastity as much as possible

 

Views of the Femdom Marriage (my view, her view)

My reality of this lifestyle of course is not much different than the fantasies I have of one. But my reality I believe is obtainable to meet 95% of my fantasies. There are only a few things we have restricted from our “power exchange” which we have agreed to mutually agree on such as decisions dealing with kids and money/major purchases. There are a couple things off limits that I am adamant about that she doesn’t like but once again, I am not willing to sway on so before we started we agreed on all these areas.

Ok, now that I got all this out of the way on what I believe in difference in Female Led/Femdom relationships and needs and roles the real reason for this writing is my Goddess/Wife has tasked me with the very difficult assignment of writing how I think she views a Female Led/Femdom Marriage. I think our views are real close however our views on how to do it differ quite a lot. I need constant reminders of my place beneath her which I think differs from her needs and desires.

My view

My view and what I would love to see in day to day life is her complete (well 95% at least) control over me. Most every day since the stuff we agreed to disagree upon before we officially started happen often, she would have 100% control.

  • She would pick out my clothing each and everyday that I wear.
  • If I go somewhere and do something I would have to ask permission like a child would with their parents.
  • Like a child I would also know and be confident if I do not listen and do as told, or I fail to do a task there will be consequences and I will be punished without fail and no transgressions would ever slide.
  • She would expect me to take care of all domestic duties and a clean house at all times.
  • She would see herself as superior to me and treat me as a lessor and refer to me as my fem name Marcy when possible and make me wear fem clothes as much as possible.
  • She would offer up constant daily reminders to me that I am her sissy wife/slave bitch and my only job is to please and serve her.
  • She would make all decisions for us, telling me them and not asking.
  • She would demand me to pleasure her often sexually with no regards to my sexual satisfaction while keeping me chaste and denying me any release except on special occasions where she is feeling generous.
  • Each night she would demand me to be on my knees before her and thank her for allowing me the privilege of serving her.

Her view (in my opinion)

My Goddess/Wife asked me to write on how I think she views the lifestyle. I really am hesitant doing this as we are still growing in the lifestyle and I think she will take my opinions wrong or twist them and take things as a personal dig against her. I do NOT mean anything negative as to I fully understand and accept that I have desired this all my life and she has only been exposed to it a few years. I also understand that there are areas where she is very hesitant due to my personality traits and also her coming from a previous marriage where her X was a complete abusive, dominating asshole. In my opinion it showed great strength on her part to get out of it and leave. Today she is so much different then the person I first met! She has grown to be a strong woman but unfortunately is still haunted by some past experiences.

In my opinion she has all the tools and desires to be that Dominant woman we BOTH strive for her to be and eventually I do think she will reach that point. She says our desires are both in line with each other. She wants to be in 100% control. She wants to hold me accountable and discipline me for my transgressions. I believe her 100%! I also however believe she has a huge hump to get over to make all this happen and forget the past and also put complete trust in me that I also desire all this and just DO IT!

I think she views the lifestyle pretty much the same as me.

She is to be the one in charge and make decisions.

  • I am the one to be responsible for all domestic duties.
  • I am there to serve her.
  • She believes that her sexual pleasures and satisfaction are what’s most important  between us, while denying me mine and keeping me chaste.
  • She desires my worship often to raise her up on a pedestal.

Views with Training/Discipline/Consistency/Kink

Now to the difficult areas. I have tried to explain to her that although I desire all these things and desire to serve her, I am also not a doormat. Sure there might be people out there that will submit to every whim of another never questioning their orders, that’s not me.

I often will not want to do everything I’m told  to do (because I am my own person and not a door matt) or I will often fail to do what is required of me (because I am human). Most every time its not on purpose, but just out of stubbornness or laziness.

  • When I fail to do these things, I wish her to hold me accountable with REAL punishment/training.

Sure, I am a masochist a little, I like to be lightly spanked when we, as we call it, “Play” but I do NOT like real pain. Bending me over something and spanking me for real with real hard swats would NOT be pleasurable and it would hurt and serve as what I call REAL punishment and put a powerful reminder/trigger in my mind to NOT reoffend also reinforcing my place as her slave beneath her. This is not however to feed my masochist side because of the fact I won’t enjoy it. This however is to train me and make me be a better slave to her.

She says she does understand the concept and why I desire this aspect however I think she is afraid I would retaliate in some way (which I keep telling her I wont) and just doesn’t feel that it is necessary and not worth the effort on her part to be consistent on it. I feel also it just also isn’t as important to her as it is to me. To me, any let down or disobedience on my part is a huge deal to me so EVERY transgression NEEDS to be addressed. I think it is one of the most (if not the most) important aspects of a Femdom Marriage and yes, I understand I am an adult, and in a “vanilla” lifestyle it doesn’t happen,  but we have decided not to live vanilla.

We, even as adults are held accountable everyday in everything we do. You break the law, you go to jail. You screw up at work, you get fired. I guess the way I feel here is, if I fail or disobey and I’m not held accountable than is anyone really in charge? the answer is quite simply no.

  • I agree with her and understand in one thing as far as discipline. At times I have a short temper and I can be really stubborn and fly off the handle. She says that she is afraid if she were to discipline me that I would fly of the handle and get mad at her. Is this a possibility? Doubtful, but I do not think that will happen and I ask her to trust me. I do NOT think it is fair to judge me of something before it happens.
  • Although I think she believes me, I think she has hopes the my total obedience no matter what it is, will just naturally happen with no effort on her part. I have told her from the very beginning its a two way road and effort is vital on both sides, not just one side.
  • A lot of times I get the impression it could also just be out of pure laziness on her part that she doesn’t follow up on holding me accountable and or she has a million excuses of why holding me accountable for transgressions is needed or possible to do at the time.
  • Another area is Kinky play, I enjoy it, desire it, think about it often and its important to me. She enjoys it yes, but we rarely play. I think here our differences in importance are a long ways apart. I love her to tie me down and spank me in an enjoyable way to where the pain is minimal and sexually dominate me while verbally degrading me. I think she enjoys it sometimes but rarely. To me it just doesn’t seem that important to her. Plus I don’t think she thinks she is very god at it but she truly is AMAZING at it!
  • As far as clothing such as panties/bras/hose etc. I don’t think she understands the powerful mental effects it has on me. Hell, I don’t understand it at times except all I can say is that when a male wears them it is opposite of being masculine if that makes sense and offsets the “manly” feeling and makes me feel tons more submissive. At first she was very skeptical and hesitant on having me wear panties everyday but now it has just become a norm to her but helps me stay in the mindset. To sum this area of kink up I would say
    • Masculinity in a male to me equals being in charge and dominant and being the leader who makes all the decisions
    • Being Masculine does NOT equal being submissive
    • Wearing women’s undergarments is the opposite of Masculinity

To sum it all up

I don’t think we are far apart as to what the end results are as far as her the one being in charge and me being obedient at all times. I however believe we have our differences on how to get to that goal and how we should be living it 24/7. I also believe the lifestyle is more important to me than her and the amount of effort that we both need to apply to reach our goal is somewhat different. I think she thinks since I am an adult that no discipline is necessary and that I should just comply with her at all times and be obedient.

Overall so far I am happy in the level we have obtained so far and fully understand and accept that each day offers up new opportunities at learning about the lifestyle and each other while growing in it. However each day also offers up new challenges and frustrations.

I may be 100% wrong here but in my opinion my analogy is this. If you were to picture a mountain and the left side represents the desire of the lifestyle and the other side total acceptance of it in every aspect, she is at the peak of it just to the left and I am on the right with my hand extended reaching out to her wanting her to just get past that final hurdle whatever it is inside her head to fully accept and live it 24/7 and fully embrace herself as the leader and dominant one and view me as her lessor slave, there to serve & pleasure her at her beckon call.

I feel I am ready 100% to take that final plunge into submission to her. I know and 100% believe how lucky I am to serve her and be in her presence everyday. I am married to the most amazing, sexy, beautiful, kind hearted woman alive and I am 100% confident of this. Until she can believe all the above and trust that I want this 100% that last hurdle cannot be done, however it will someday!

I welcome would like comments as long as they are polite and respectful keeping in mind we all have our differences in opinions and we are all different and these are MY opinions only. 

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Denied & Caged

It’s been a while since I have written. Summer is here and life sometimes gets busy unfortunately and at times we don’t always have time to do everything we want. But one thing that never waivers is my love and admiration for my Goddess. My desire to serve her never diminishes even when we are in disagreement on somethings.

We are still trying to fight through things within the lifestyle that most people would never understand unless they are also involved within it. Consistency is at times challenged due to life’s events that go happen but we are both determined to make this work and hopefully we will get to the point that everything we have agreed upon becomes the “normal” for us.

So in my past writings I have written about denial & chastity, in my opinion, two very important aspects of a femdom marriage, TPE, FLR whatever you wish to call it. One thing also was on effects of male orgasms, the chemicals released within your brain after one and how it effects the male in how one acts after. I’m sure it has different or no effects on different people however after researching it, I became a believer in what I had learned, because I DO suffer from the effects and have noticed it before I even researched it.

When I orgasm unfortunately I lose ALL desires and feelings of submissiveness for at least 24 hours before it even starts to come back to me. It usually takes nearly a week for the strong desire and feeling to come back. But what’s worse is, for a couple days I feel the lifestyle in whole is stupid and that myself is stupid for submitting to a woman and I start lashing out at my Goddess and being mean and asserting my dominance which isn’t at all what I want.

We both talked for a long time and decided to try something different. We had read about ruined orgasms and that it diminishes the feelings in males that I described above due to it limits the chemical releases in ones brain. We tried this for the whole year of 2016 and I only experienced about 3 full orgasms the whole year however she would allow me to cum with a ruined orgasm once every two weeks. When I did this I would cum on my goddess’s belly then clean it up with my tongue and swallow it. Yes, for a full year I did this but it only diminished the effects to a minimal level. I still would lose most of my desire to be submissive and be an ass to my Goddess (and I hate that and its the last thing I want to do) but not as long, so in December of 2016 we talked again and came to a different resolution.

As of January 1, 2017 we agreed I am no longer allowed to cum except for special occasions. I am to please her with my tongue whenever she wishes and often. We bought a large dildo that is about 1.5 times bigger than me that we use often. I also bought a strap-on that I wear and please her with for intimacy purposes. All these things as far as I know and from what she says keeps her sexually satisfied even more than before.

Because my Goddess is so kindhearted we also agreed that before we do anything intimate I am to lock my cock up and leave the key in the bathroom due to if I start begging to cum or be inside her she gives in. This has worked great! I don’t beg or even ask because by the time I were to even get up and remove the chastity cage the mood is sunk.

So today is June 21, 2017 and my birthday was this month. Until my birthday the last time I have came was December 2016. (I know most wont believe that including my Goddess, but it is the truth) My Goddess allowed me the pleasure of finally cumming. I honestly figured she would at that time and was pleased when she said I could that night. The disappointing thing although was she denied me a full orgasm, only ruined and yes, she made me clean it up with my tongue. I actually was shocked she was firm on denying me that and what she said when I asked. Her words exactly when I asked was “No, do you think I want you being a dick to me for the next week?” I knew she was right so I took what I could and went with it. I honestly had forgotten how good she felt inside due to it had been nearly 6 months since I had been inside her. When I first entered her it felt like heaven but was short lived due to it being so long. I think I got maybe a half dozen strokes before I felt it build up and had to withdraw and cum with no more stimulation.

We also agreed that when I am home alone or home without her I will wear the cage at all times. Believe it or not, this is something I wanted also. When I am home alone the thought of masturbating is at times overwhelming if I do not have it on. Trust me, I want to cum, I want to explode big time but I also love the denial aspect but I also know if I cum I will be overwhelmed with guilt plus be a dick to her and I don’t want that so I prefer to wear the cage to prevent me from doing that.

So as far as the chastity cage goes, it is a huge help to me psychologically. When its not on the temptation to masturbate is so strong. When I have it on, there is no way I can stimulate myself. I have tried just to see. It’s pointless. I cant feel nothing through the cage and I know this hence the results I know I can’t masturbate which takes away all the questioning of whether I should or shouldn’t. I know I cant, period.

Yes, I love the denial and control but I would be a liar if I didn’t say I miss having orgasms and I do want to cum, but the alternative if I do is me being a dick and for some reason I cant control that aspect so in order to serve her better and be closer to her I forego them.

I love my Goddess more than anything in this world and think she is the most amazing, sexy woman I have ever met and feel like I am the luckiest man alive to be married to her and serve her!

I love you my Goddess

your slave always

m

 

Caged!

One thing I think everyone strives for as a slave in a M/s relationship is that feeling of total control. Totally being under someone else’s control 100%. Not just surrendering yourself willingly to someone but actually giving over that control them taking it and you under their control 100% for a given time and you not being able to have a choice of freewill. One way to experience this is a cage!

I had read different articles on caging your slave before my Goddess and I begun our journey into this lifestyle and proposed the idea of buying one when we started our journey. I expressed the psychological benefits to me and her both along with other benefits and she agreed to “try “implementing one into our lives.  I purchased one to experiment with in hopes we would both like it.

At first we bought a large flimsy dog crate to see if we would use it and like it before spending the money on a good cage. We received it from eBay and I right away set it up in the closet and that night we begun using it.

Before I go on I want to stress that I understand and respect people view M/s, D/s lifestyles differently, everyone has ways that work for them that don’t for others and this is MY take on how I want to look at our relationship together with my Goddess.

I know that no one sex is superior than the other completely. Each sex has their strengths and weaknesses. I DO however believe one person can be superior to the other and this is where me and my Goddess come into play. If I were to rate us each in lets say 10 different areas I would say she is superior in 7 out of 10 of them. Those areas of superiority in her is where I desire to focus my worship on her while trying to help her build up the areas she is lacking.

So back to the cage. So in all stories I have ever heard, read, watched that involve a Goddess and slaves not once did I ever come across one where a slave is worthy to sleep next to his goddess every night. In all honesty this type of mindset is the exact mindset I wish my Goddess to adopt and live by. I am her slave by choice and I do recognize and honor her superiority over me so our mindset should be that I am not worthy in her bed except for when she calls on me to pleasure her sexually. So as soon as the cage arrived I set it up in our walk in closet and we started using it. I started sleeping in it every night with the door of it padlocked shut.

After a month or so we both figured out it was a positive addition to our lives and also got sick and tired of hearing the flimsy cage rattling etc. whenever I moved inside it so we bit the bullet and spent nearly $400 on an actual real cage for animals that has actual bars on it. I slept every night in that cage for over a year and slept very well. We found out it offered a lot of benefits and some we never counted on.

  1. My Goddess is a light sleeper, this allowed her to sleep uninterrupted the whole night without being woken by me tossing & turning or snoring.
  2. Since she slept better every night she was in better moods and didn’t have as many migraine headaches.
  3. It also allowed her privacy to masturbate whenever she wanted without fear of me walking in on her and being embarrassed.
  4. Mentally it built up the control aspect both in her and me.
  5. I found sleeping on the hard surface every night was much better for my back. so less back pain daily.
  6. I had a problem leaving in the middle of the night and moving to the couch to watch TV, that I no longer do.
  7. In my mind I felt much closer to my Goddess because I was actually 100% at her mercy and control for about 8 hours out of everyday.
  8. It solidified our positions we accepted stronger as her being the superior one over me and me the lessor.
  9. I think it also positively affected me as in me showing more respect and being more obedient to her.
  10. It made me feel more loved due to it gave me a sense she was paying more attention to me.

A couple years ago we decided to upgrade our lives and now we live in a different home and between moving and life’s drama our special relationship fell to the wayside and we were just living as a everyday vanilla couple. Raising kids, working full time and doing our responsible dull everyday duties we all do that is expected of us. The “us” time we used to so cherish in my opinion was now gone.

Fast forward about 18 months and we decide to reclaim our “us” time and my Goddess says she is ready to lead and demand my worship again. I gladly accept. My Goddess and I get along so much better in everyway while practicing our special lifestyle. The old contract was rewritten and agreed upon and signed and once again we were on our way to having “us” time! About the only thing that we had to bring back was the cage and finally it was set up and we started using it again but not as consistently as before for.

This time is different though. Last time I was inside the closet in our bedroom just on the other side of the door about 5′ away from my Goddess. This time I’m down the hall and locked in the cage in a storage closet under the stairs. Where as before I still felt close to my Goddess at night now I feel left alone. The one thing I admit I do not like is that this arrangement is suppose to bring us closer and in a lot of ways it does but in some ways it doesn’t due to the distance.

I still however get half of the benefits. I feel the control, and actually sleep better at night. Not sure why but being locked up in the cage and it only being 36″ wide by 52″ long I feel safe and at ease even though I am cramped and unable to stretch out. I also feel good knowing that my Goddess is sleeping better every night also. After all, this relationship is mostly about her right?

I have been kicking some ideas around in my head to make it work to where the cage is brought back into our bedroom closet but ultimately that is up to my Goddess. Hopefully I can make it work so when its time for bed there will be no question where ‘my’ bed is and I go there directly and climb in and look up as my Goddess closes the lock and walks away until morning when she lets me out.

 

 

 

 

Humiliation Training

Found this writing very interesting yet very true in all ways. Humiliation is in my opinion one of the strongest tools one can use when not only training a sub but also as a reminder of his or her place always.

As a Dominant or Dominatrix, you have a special role in the development of your slave. You can utilize a variety of tools and training to encourage their full potential, and enable them to fully serve you and your needs. For some slaves, they require a certain sort of breaking down of their current state of mind. One way to inspire their feeling of being in a submissive state is to use humiliation training. Though not all slaves will want this sort of training, some do want it and can benefit tremendously, allowing them to sink into their role and serve you in the best way possible.


 

**Please Note** Humiliation training should never be conducted unless it has been previously discussed and agreed upon by both partners.  Humiliation training will not work if the submissive has not consented to it. Much care and attention should be spent on understanding the submissive’s past and knowing what forms of humiliation are completely off limits, so it can be avoided at all costs during training. Caution and common sense must be used at all times.

Humiliation Training

At the core of humiliation training is the creation of a lesser than headspace. This occurs by humiliating the slave’s central state of mind and putting them into a vulnerable state. This requires starting by identifying what makes the slave feel humiliated. This might include:

How they feel about themselves – A Dominant or Dominatrix can also identify what the submissive feels is the worst part of them (at this time, anyway). This might include how they look, how they sound, or how they behave when under stress. By talking about what the slave might be easily humiliated by, then that information can be used in a scene or as part of a longer-term training.

How they respond to certain words – There might be key words that a slave will find most humiliating. Some might respond to derogatory words, certain swear words, or certain labels that might be applied to them. Depending on the slave, you will need to find out what has the greatest possibility of generating true humiliation. Because every slave is different, it is essential to get to know your slave and to find out what they will benefit the most from in their training.

How they are impacted by certain goals – You might also choose to find certain goals that are nearly impossible to achieve. In doing so, there will be multiple points at which the slave is not going to succeed. For a slave who has issues with wanting to please their Master or Mistress, they will feel humiliated each time they try to reach the goals…and can’t. You might choose to point out all of the times they make a mistake, further humiliating them and making them think they are never going to please you.

How they respond to certain dress or punishments – Some slaves will feel humiliated by having to wear certain items (e.g. a diaper, the opposite gender’s clothing, etc.). By simply being in these garments or being punished in their most vulnerable areas, they will sink deeply into the headspace of being the object of humiliation. A Master or Mistress can then remind the slave of their position again and again, further enforcing the idea that they are less than their trainer.

How they have been treated in their lives – You can also explore the ways in which a slave has been humiliated in their everyday lives. Perhaps they did not do well in a work situation. You might find a way to act these sorts of real life scenarios out to feel the humiliation again, though with the lens of power exchange. The Dominant might be the mean boss, for example, and enact that to see how the slave will respond.

There might be other situations in which a slave will feel humiliated, so having detailed conversations about the slave will enable a more personalized approach to this training method.

The Purpose of Humiliation in Training

Many mistresses and masters will use humiliation training to encourage:

  • A submissive mindset at all times – The more you can keep a slave in the state of feeling like they are less than their master or mistress, the more they will stay engaged in the training process. If it’s clear they are going to be humiliated for any small infraction, the more they will remain submissive at all times during your scenes together.
  • A more focused slave – This sort of humiliation training also encourages focus and determination. While the slave might not be able to avoid humiliation, as they may never be perfect, they will realize it is their job to keep trying to please their trainer.
  • A slave that is willing to do whatever their master/mistress wants – Just as exercise builds stronger muscles, humiliation training will help a slave become more focused on attending to the needs of their master or mistress. Whether they are trying to avoid humiliation or not, the slave is better equipped for any scene in which they find themselves.
  • A slave who is empowered to face their fears – At its core, humiliation training helps to empower slaves against their fears. While they might find the beginning of this training to be challenging, they will slowly become stronger and better able to adapt the humiliation and the feelings that develop from it. They will be able to strengthen their mind and do what is asked, without being afraid.

The trick with humiliation training is that it’s best for slaves who already have a strong foundation in being submissive. Though some masters and mistresses might want to start with this hardcore training, it’s not always well-suited for those slaves who are just finding their place.

Humiliation is a tool of expansion for a slave. It is a practice of being able to follow through with commands and scenes, while their mind and body is overwhelmed by the stimulation of being humiliated. Over time and with practice, the slave will simply drop into a scene, accept their humiliation, and act accordingly.

No matter the reason why humiliation training is chosen for training, the master or mistress has a sacred responsibility to ensure the slave is well cared for in each scene. Though the scene might be harsh and difficult, the dominant or dominatrix needs to find some way to ensure the slave sees their progress. No one will be perfect, but the attempts of the slave to be their best will need to be recognized and appreciated.

And thus, the training will be a success.

Let It Go!

You can never be happy if you’re always afraid to let go of what’s comfortable, familiar. Sometimes, those are the things that hurts us.

Ever want to do something new or wonder what it would be like to do something new? Ever had a chance to do something new and pass it up then regret you didn’t? How about this, ever want to do something new and do it, and found out you loved it? Do you pass on doing new things only because you think it might make you feel uncomfortable? Ever take a chance and do that “uncomfortable” thing and find out it was like second nature to you and you enjoyed doing it?

I think we all pass up on doing things because we might feel the thought of doing something might be uncomfortable, unfamiliar or even worse, afraid of doing something like trusting and loving because we have been burnt badly in the past.

Opinions, beliefs, traditions, and feelings change typically in all of us over time. I am a perfect example of this. Mine have changed a lot and the one thing that changed all of them without me having any kind of choice about it is my wife/Goddess.

Here is where the phrase “Let it go” come in play.

First off I was raised with very old fashion vales and traditions. My father ruled the house with an iron fist while providing for the household financially. My mother was the traditional housewife who did all the cooking, cleaning, parenting and whatever was demanded of her by my father.

I have been burnt by women several times both mentally and financially to where I had to start over gain because they got everything and it took years to regain what I had. For nearly ten years I lived single with a lot of harsh feelings to the female race. After all they all are nothing but a bunch of gold digging whores who cheat on their husbands and spend their lives in the bars being alcoholics all while, we men are being good by staying home and working hard to provide, right?

If and that’s a big if, I ever got stupid and met someone that I wanted to share my life with again I’ll be dammed if I ever trust again! I’m going to want what my father always told me to go after. A woman who doesn’t work (because when they work they cheat), a woman who is only interested in basically being barefoot and pregnant who knows their place is in the kitchen cooking my dinners. I will rule my house with an iron fist like him and not put up with any bullshit from anyone period!  (I know my Goddess has a huge smirk on her face here)

Well, after being single for nearly 10 years all my fears, harsh feelings, hesitations, bitterness towards my arch enemy the female race got stomped on hard and ground deep hard into the ground. I met her! You know the one that was going to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen whom I would never trust and rule with an iron fist! Yup, I met her.

I let it go!

I am not going to go into how, why or when only to save on time but all those feelings I had towards women, you know the manly ones? I let them go! This woman I met blew my socks off! She is so damn sexy, beautiful and amazing she robbed me of all those feelings and she has actually made me into what I intended her to be. I am the one that cooks, cleans, and spends my life in the kitchen and takes direction from her. Yup. I’m the wife.

I was blessed to meet the most amazing incredible woman alive and she completely took over my life in the fact that I feel so deep in love with her that I would do anything for her. I never felt this strong of love before! I soon started to notice the more I did for her the happier she was which in turn made me happier. For numerous reasons and all positive we actually found a commonality in an alternative lifestyle of Dominant and submissive. I never pictured things the way they are now due to I always thought it would be me/Master, her/submissive but it is 100% reversed that now. I am now happier than I have EVER been being married to my wife whom I now refer to as my Goddess. I happily serve her everyday doing all the domestic chores a typical housewife does. I am at her beckon call to satisfy her sexually (and pay her $$ for allowing me the pleasure) with no regards to myself, due to I am no longer being allowed to cum.

Moral of the Story

  1. If I had refused to let go of my negative feelings, trust issues and animosity I would not be married to the most amazing woman alive.
  2. If I hadn’t tried new experiences with my wife I would be missing out on a lot of pleasures I now enjoy.
  3. If I had stayed in my comfortable space I would be missing out of everything I have right now.
  4. If I didn’t have an open mind and want to experiment with some things I would not be the person I am today.

So when it comes to life, open up your mind to all things and never rule something out until you have tried it. Be experimental, adventurous and try new things as long as it isn’t hurting someone. Get out of your comfort zone from time to time, you might like it and learn new things! Encourage and support your partner in life in their interest and choices. Personally I want my wife/Goddess to become more dominant over me. I want to look up at her each and every day as the most amazing powerful woman alive so I try my best to encourage that in whatever ways I can to build her mindset up.

I in turn ask for her to do the same for me as her slave. I want her to chose my clothing, talk to me as her slave, demand respect, assign tasks, and always keep me in the state of denial.

I always believe you should always put yourself first as I do always. The type of lifestyle I have chosen to live as my wife’s/Goddess’s slave is putting myself first, because her happiness and love is what I most desire in life. But I could not do it if I wouldn’t have opened up my mind some and let all past stuff go and looked at life with my Goddess as a new beginning with no anticipation of what direction we would grow in. I just followed my heart and went with stuff at the spur of the moment and let go! I have learned so much about myself these past years with her and hope to continue to grow in my service and love to my Goddess each and every day for the rest of my life.

I want to leave you with a few questions to ask yourself.  If your partner were to pass away today would you feel good that you did everything in your power to support and encourage him/her in life. Was there something else you could have done? Do you have any regrets?

LIFE IS TO DAMN SHORT! DON’T TAKE IT ALL FOR GRANITE! DO TODAY WHAT MAKES YOU BOTH HAPPY FOR TOMORROW THAT PERON MIGHT BE GONE!

To my Goddess

Missing you is my hobby, caring for you is my job, making you happy is my duty, and proudly serving and loving you is my life!

I love you with all my heart

your slave always marc

 

Needs

I found this on a forum and although written by a female I thought it was a great writing and rings so true in a lot of ways for both male and female slaves and think a lot of Dominants can gain from reading it.

I bolded & Italicized some comments that I either strongly agree with and or are most important to me. I added some of my own comments in numbered bullets.

 

I need to feel safe

  • Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You, I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I’ve given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.

I need to know You accept me for all I am

  • I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
    1. I am who I am and although some of the interest I have you like and some you may not like or understand they are all what makes me, me. I think we all can find both positive and negative in everyone we meet but we have to look at the person as a whole.

I need to have clearly defined limits

  • I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
    1. Although you have gotten much better I need you to throw away all reservations you have of how you think I may react if you tell me or remind me of your  expectations or even set and enforce new ones.

I need You to be consistent

  • I need to know You mean what You say and that today’s rules will apply to tomorrow’s behavior. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You’ve given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You’ve chosen for me. It’s not done to try Your patience, but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it’s not done consciously and I promise I’ll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
    1. I think this here is the biggest fault of anyone in a lifestyle like ours. Again, you have been doing amazingly better but consistency is huge! I try my best and also have my faults here and this is where I need your assistance. NEVER EVER let me get away with anything, ALWAYS ALWAYS correct me and or punish me if called for no matter what. Be the same everyday! ALWAYS be in charge, firm, direct and what applies to today also applies to tomorrow and the next day and so on.

I need to expand my limits

  • I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I’ll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I’ve been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I’m unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
    1. Here I would ask for you to provide me more responsibilities in whatever ways you can in additional task, duties etc. in making your life easier. I would also like more encouragement and support in things that help me on my journey with growing my submissiveness.

I need You to teach me

  • I need to learn, and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.

I need goals

  • Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction, I quickly become lost so I’ll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
    1. Here you are very relaxed on and I’m good with that in the sense of chores etc. but I would love to have some goals set by you aimed at ways in which I can serve and worship you more and better. I know the overall scope of what you like but I would love to have specific task/goals you desire of me in ways I can grow my worship of you. You always say you do not really have a “creative” mind and or can’t think of stuff but honestly I think that’s a cop out in ways. ONLY YOU knows exactly what you want, love and what makes you feel amazing and that’s what I want you to share with me! MAKING YOU FEEL AMAZING MAKES ME FEEL AMAZING!

I need to be corrected

  • I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction, I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I’ve made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You’ve set for me.
    1. I really don’t think I need to pound the sand on this anymore except, be consistent always, never allow me to get away with anything, punish if necessary with the intent it actually be punishment, be firm and in charge and most importantly ALWAYS remember you are doing this to teach/train me to be a better person/slave to you and its for MY benefit!

I need You to be my role-model

  • I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviors on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image, so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as You face Your own challenges and daily activities.

I need Your approval and reassurance

  • I need to know when You approve of me or what I’ve done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I’m unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I’m confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
    1. Although you might not think so I also need reassurance and approval from you often. To be honest most time I think you take everything I do for granted and you don’t appreciate what I do. Guess here is where I sound like the housewife lol. I do feed off your reassurance and approval and love receiving it from you because of how much I love and respect you. It energizes me to continue working hard for you.

I need to be able to express myself

  • I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren’t something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I’m upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings, there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
    1. Not everything I desire in traditional I know this but I often wonder if you’re thinking negative of me for stuff I do or desire. However, our agreement we have also isn’t traditional or normal. I just don’t ever want to disappoint you in anyway or have you think negatively of me for something I share with you. Communication is everything here.

I need to learn from my mistakes

  • I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I’ve done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I’ve faced my failure, but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.

I need forgiveness when I fail You

  • Nothing hurts me more than to know I’ve failed or displeased You, and I need to be forgiven once I’ve made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
    1. Nothing hurts me more than to know I’ve failed or displeased You, and I need to be forgiven once I’ve made amends. I thought this line was worth repeating because it is so true for me also. I do not ever want to fail you in any way however I know at times I might displease you unfortunately and this is where punishment comes in. Without punishment I won’t learn or remember. Always punish with intent of it being punishment (another words painful) having no regards for my suffering. Just a caveat here also, (I’m not telling you what to do/topping from bottom, I just want the punishment to BE punishment if that makes sense.) the last time you did with 10 swats I do not believe is enough due to just when it started to begin to be painful it was over. I think we should up the spankings to a minimum of 2o swats. Up to you though!  

I need to feel I contribute

  • I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.

I need to enjoy successes

  • Without experiencing and enjoying my successes, I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savoring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don’t expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I’ve reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don’t deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I’ve achieved a goal You’ve set.

I need to share with You

  • Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings, but those are the things I need to share the most. I’ll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I’ll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.

I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership

  • No matter how well I’ve done or how miserably I’ve failed, I need to know I’m still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can’t survive without it.
    1. I really cant add to this. it pretty much says it all! I think if you drop the ownership off everyone wants to feel this in a marriage!  But as far as us I need to feel owned, controlled and as property of my Goddess! I always want to feel as if you have your foot on me just waiting for me to screw up so you can step on me harder if that makes sense.

 

New Year, New Attitude!

I think the following two statements we can all agree on!

I do not think there is anyone out there that is happily married or in a committed relationship that purposely does not want to give their partner everything they possibly can in order to make them happy. Same thing goes for kids, any parents that love their children never want to deny them anything, we all want to give them everything we possibly can to help them be successful.

Just the same as far as the way we talk to loved ones. Nobody that truly loves their partner or children are intentionally rude or disrespectful to them in any way. If we love the person we always do the right thing to help them to reach their goals in life if we can.

Is their ever a time to “parent” your partner and refuse them something or talk in a demeaning way to them or force them to do something?

The answer is quite simply YES.

Although this is my opinion I DO understand and respect the fact that others opinion can and probably do differ in many ways and that’s ok. Every relationship is different and what works for one might not for the other. I kind of view in some ways the type of relationship my wife and I have agreed upon as Goddess/slave in some ways is parent/child.

When we have children we make decisions for them every day, why? Because we know what is best for them. Rarely children agree nor understand why we as parents make the decisions we do but we know as parents that we make them with what’s best in mind for them. Sometimes the children go against what we say and do not listen which results in some form of punishment. But we make them decisions with confidence knowing we are doing what’s best for them.

These decisions we make for them, we do with no consideration for what the child will think or how the child will act out or feel. We make them because its what is best for the child! We never let the reactions or fear of how the child will react influence how we make decisions, talk to them, or even punish when necessary. We do it because we love them and its what we believe is best for them and it will help them be successful.

So fast forward to adulthood and dealing with your spouse/partner in life. The dynamics of how we treat other people and the decisions we make become individualized. We typically do NOT  make the decisions for our spouse/partner in life because we are now all adults and know better, right? The answer is not that easy here because it is yes and no.

In a typical vanilla relationship/marriage in todays society it is basically 50/50. We respect each other in the fact that we make decisions with both parties in mind opposed to just one person.  We have free will and can make those decisions without fear of retribution from anyone for the most part. Sure some decisions we make might frustrate your partner but we hope they make them with you in mind also and we also know if the decisions were bad choices and the outcome turns out to be bad we also have no fear of punishment.

In my relationship with my Goddess where I have 100% consented to serving her as her slave 24/7 she has the obligation of making all the decisions. She may at times ask my opinion on tough situations or decisions that will affect both of us but overall, the final decision is hers. Our relationship is in my opinion 95/5 where my 5 is where I am allowed to at least express my opinion. I gave my Goddess this power over me for many reasons:

  1. She’s smart
  2. She makes good rational decisions
  3. We typically view most things the same
  4. I do want to change in some ways to be more in line with her views
  5. I want her to make decisions with her in mind first
  6. I want her to be happy and get what she wants
  7. I want her to be in control
  8. I TRUST HER!

Now comes the hard part for both of us!

From my perspective I have to get used to, and accept her making all the decisions, and be prepared that she will make some decisions I do not agree with. Rather than go against them I need to remind myself going forward of my role beneath her and be obedient and accept them 100%, trusting that she made them with the mindset of what is best for both of us while still putting herself first.

For my Goddess she has to get used to making all the decisions! I used to be the primary decision maker on most things but I always did confer with her and get her opinion on nearly everything first. After sitting down with my Goddess and discussing everything I have given all this to my Goddess. My main focus from now on is one thing, that is to serve her in any way she wishes.

With the new year upon us I have made it a resolution of mine personally to be more submissive to my Goddess and worship her more, but most importantly look up to her for direction in everyday decisions. I do want this, and she say’s she also wants this. I no longer want the 50/50 relationship. I want it to be 95/5 in her favor as far as the power distribution. I believe communication is everything in relationships and I wish to pas along my thoughts to my Goddess on areas I think she can grow in also and how I would love to see things go if she so chooses. Some might call this topping from the bottom or whatever, I am not telling her what to do I am communicating my thoughts is all, she has freewill to do whatever she wishes.

My Goddess has come a long ways recently and is doing incredible as the one in charge. Things take time and not everything is going to change overnight I understand, but my wish is that for 2017 is we can reach our goals. So here is a list of what my wants and desires are for my Goddess which in turn will help me immensely serve her as the Goddess I love, adore, respect and admire.

  1. Most importantly TRUST in me 100% that I DO want you in charge and I DO think you are sexy and amazing
  2. With the new year adapt and embrace your role as my Goddess, the one in complete charge
  3. Make all decisions with confidence trusting in me to be acceptant and obedient
  4. Be selfish and think of yourself first always
  5. Walk with absolute confidence in your beauty and power
  6. Discard your all your fears of leading in all ways by having faith I will not react in a negative way to your decisions
  7. ALWAYS be consistent and hold me accountable for transgressions by enforcing punishment
  8. Demand respect always from me
  9. Demand worship from me always
  10. In regards to you building your confidence, trust and control of me, be more supportive, be creative and open minded in ways of building upon my submissiveness (see tools section)
  11. Find creative ways and demand more ways for me to serve you better and never feel guilty that you may be asking too much of me. I love serving you and the more I can do for you the better I feel knowing I am pleasing you
  12. Work on your communication skills with me by telling me what’s on your mind and how you feel about things

Again, I realize most things do NOT happen overnight and I’m ok with it. A lot of things in our choice of lifestyle I also know goes against traditional thinking and what society deems as normal. But like my Goddess always says,” it works for us”. Personally as far as I think as long as we are consenting in our lifestyle and it brings us closer then in my humble opinion anything goes! no matter how “kinky” or strange or how much it goes against societies norm as long as we keep it private and between us only with no 3rd party involved to where it helps build our closeness in our relationship and also allows us to be our true self I look at it as a positive!

I love my wife/Goddess so much and most importantly I love her from the inside out meaning I love the person she is within. To me it doesn’t matter if she were 110 pounds or 210 pounds, or if she were to wear nothing but sweats or dresses, or drive a Volkswagen or Mercedes she is my Goddess. I guess what I am trying to say is I love her for her! I love her for who she is INSIDE! I do not love her for what she has or the clothes she wears (however when she puts on a skirt and heels OMG!), or the size of person she is, or what her desires of material things may be, these do not make the person. The person is who is found within!  That person within my Goddess is warm, caring, loving, and just simply an amazing beautiful person!

I love you my Goddess with all my heart!

your slave always m

 

 

BDSM Test

Here is the results for me. I think this is the most accurate “test” that covers many areas of alternative lifestyles. It pretty much nailed me 100% accurately. The link is at the end if anyone is interested in taking it.

 

Results Summary

 

100%   Degradee
Degradation receivers like to be degraded and humiliated by their play partner(s), either by being acted upon in a degrading way, or by being forced do things they consider degrading.
Degradees typically pair up with degraders.
100%   Submissive
Submissive’s like to follow. Some like to give the control away to their partner(s), some like to have it forcibly taken from them. Some are submissive only in the bedroom, others are submissive throughout their daily life as well (usually with limitations). Unlike the bottom roles (receiving pain/bondage/degradation), being submissive is more about who decides what happens (and takes the responsibility that comes with it) than about the contents of what happens.
Submissives typically pair up with dominants.
99% Rope bunny
Rope bunnies like to be tied up and restrained, using rope and/or other attributes (chains, cuffs, speaders…). Whether for sexual enhancement, for art or just for fun, they enjoy being totally at the mercy of their partner(s).
Rope bunnies typically pair up with riggers.
100% Slave
Slaves completely hand over the control and responsibilities over their life to their master/mistress. They go a step further than submissives in the sense that their power exchange is present 24/7 and in all aspects of their life (except for negotiated exceptions such as during their office jobs). Serving their master/mistress is their primary focus in life and they rarely have limits for them.
Slaves typically pair up with masters/mistresses.
95% Pet
Is property of their owner in daily life. Sexuality is not necessarily involved. Often combined with some form of animal role play (puppy, kitten, etc.) but not necessarily.
Pets typically pair up with owners.
91% Masochist
Masochists enjoy receiving (certain types of) pain from their partner(s), usually in a sexual context. Masochism is independent of pain tolerance: it is purely about the ability to enjoy (or get aroused by) certain levels of pain.
Masochists typically pair up with sadists.
85% Primal (Prey)
Primals are mainly focused on their natural instincts and they enjoy letting their inner animal out during sex. The key part for primals play is that the participants show their raw, emotional sexual feelings during play. All of the labels, roles, and protocols go out the window, and the prey (you) can become a snarling, growing, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away from its predator.
Preys typically pair up with primal hunters.
77% Experimentalist
Experimentalists want to have tried it all. An open mind and an insatiable curiosity are their key features, and they will rarely form an opinion before they have gathered first hand experience. They often have plenty of fantasies and will actively pursue to try them out.
Experimentalists typically pair up with other experimentalists.
53% Exhibitionist
Exhibitionists enjoy showing their naked body or a sexual activity to other people. Definitions vary with respect to whether those being shown this, should be looking for such encounter or not.
Exhibitionists typically pair up with voyeurs.
52% Girl/Boy
Littles (girls/boys) are submissive spirits that mix childlike innocence with naughty sexual curiosity. They long for a nurturing loving dominant who plays a guiding, almost parental role in their lives. While they require a softer approach to be dominated than most other submissives, their submission can go a lot deeper and sometimes rival those of slaves.
Girls/boys typically pair up with daddies/mommies.
26% Brat
Brats are, in essence, naughty submissives. They find disobedience a form of playfulness rather than letting their dominant down, and require a compatible dominant who will not only teach them a lesson, but also accept that any number of lessons might still not necessarily change this behavior.
Brats typically pair up with brat tamers.
24% Voyeur
Voyeurs enjoy watching the nakedness or sexual activity of other people. Definitions vary with respect to whether those being watched should be aware of this, or not.
Voyeurs typically pair up with exhibitionists.
4% Age player
Age players like to play with age as part of their kink. They typically take on a much younger or older age than they actually are, or prefer playing with a partner that does so. Attributes and behavior changes (such as pacifiers, coloring books, speaking in more childlike language, …) are commonly paired with this, to enrich the context and make it more appropriate for the played age.
Age players typically pair up with other age players.
4% Sadist
Sadists enjoy inflicting (certain types of) pain on their partner(s), usually in a sexual context. Consent hereby is always assumed.
Sadists typically pair up with masochists.
3% Degrader
Degradation givers like to degrade and humiliate their play partner(s), either by acting upon them in a degrading way, or by or by forcing them to do things they consider degrading. Consent hereby is always assumed.
Degraders typically pair up with degradees.
3% Non-monogamist
Non-monogamists do not see sexuality as necessarily a 1 on 1 thing. Whether this means they will have several relationships or just see other people outside their relationship (or have even more exquisite constructions) depends entirely on the person and the situation, but they all have one thing in common: their sexuality is more than just between them and one fixed partner.
Non-monogamists typically pair up with (several) other non-monogamists.
3% Primal (Hunter)
Primal’s are mainly focused on their natural instincts and they enjoy letting their inner animal out during sex. The key part for primals play is that the participants show their raw, emotional sexual feelings during play. All of the labels, roles, and protocols go out the window, and the prey can become a snarling, growing, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away from its predator (you).
Hunters typically pair up with primal preys.
3% Switch
Switches like to… well, switch. Always taking a dominant or top position is not for them, neither is always taking a submissive or bottom position. Some prefer to switch with the same partner or partners, others have a dominant play partner and a submissive play partner, but in either case they do not fit on one end point of the spectrum.
Switches typically pair up with other switches.
3% Vanilla
Vanilla people enjoy regular, standard sex and relationship models. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you’re having fun!
Vanillas typically pair up with other vanillas.
2% Dominant
Dominants like to be in charge. Some like to have their partner obey them without questioning, others like some resistance while taking it their way. Some are dominant only in the bedroom, others are dominant throughout their daily life as well (usually with limitations). Unlike the top roles (giving pain/bondage/degradation), being dominant is more about who decides what happens (and takes the responsibility that comes with it) than about the contents of what happens.
Dominants typically pair up with submissive.
2% Rigger
Riggers like to tie up and restrain their partner(s), using rope and/or other attributes (chains, cuffs, spreaders…). Whether for sexual enhancement, for art or just for fun, they enjoy having their partners completely at their mercy.
Riggers typically pair up with rope bunnies.
1% Brat tamer
Brat tamers are, in essence, dominants who enjoy handling bratty submissive. They find disobedience a form of playfulness from the side of the submissive, rather than a form of rudeness. They will take no offence to it, but will still teach the sub a well deserved lesson (because, of course, that is why the bratty sub shows such behavior in the first place).
Brat Tamers typically pair up with brats.
1% Daddy/Mommy
Daddies/Mommies take on a caretaker role in the relationship, being a guide as much as a dominant. Daddies/Mommies dominate their little treasure submissive with an iron fist in a velvet glove: much cuddly and affectionate on the outside, while being as sturdy and hard on the inside as other dominants. Using subtle psychological mechanisms rather than brute power, they nurture their littles into obedience.
Daddies/Mommies typically pair up with girls/boys.
1% Owner
Owns and takes responsibility over a pet, on a 24/7 basis. Sexuality is not necessarily involved. Often provides in animal role play attributes (e.g. puts pet in a cage) but not necessarily.
Owners typically pair up with pets.
 0% Master/Mistress
Masters/Mistresses receive complete control over the life of their slave(s), and all responsibilities that come with it. They go a step further than dominants in the sense that their power exchange is present 24/7 and in all aspects of their life (except for negotiated exceptions such as during their office jobs). Their primary focus is to create a stable and safe environment for their slave(s), to allow optimal servitude.
Masters/Mistresses typically pair up with slaves.

https://bdsmtest.org/index.php