De-Programing & Re-Programing

We as a society have assigned certain traits instilled in both men and women since the beginning of time. Men are suppose to be strong leaders, in charge, masculine and make all the decisions for the families while women are weak, serve as followers to their husbands and be secondary in life decisions.

Times are changing these days, more women are working and taking a leadership role in todays world while men are increasingly taking on the traditional roles of the women by becoming stay at home dads or helping with domestic duties.

Personally I think the decision of who is in charge of a relationship or family should be not made because of ones gender but be made by who is best suited for the role. Although as of late it is getting more acceptable society still puts a great deal of pressure dictating the traditional roles of both male and females.

Deep down inside me I crave to go against societies expectations of the stereotypical male as being the strong masculine leader who makes all the decisions for the family. It’s not that I can’t do it because I know without a doubt I can and pretty much have all my life until I met the most incredible, beautiful, amazing woman I call my Goddess.

However as much as I desire this secondary role it is so hard to just let go and follow as the same with my Goddess. As much as she wants to be the one in charge and make decisions she has been programed in the traditional role as a woman and house wife.

I have given this so much thought in the past couple years and ask myself these questions nearly daily, So how do we fix this mess we are in? How do I take the submissive role as the traditional “house wife” and how does my wife take on the role as the strong leader who makes the decisions for us and rules the house with authority?

There really is only one way, De-programing and Re-programing.

Can you really teach a old dog new tricks?

The answer is YES! However it does take time, patience and consistency. Behaviors and mindsets are learned behaviors in my opinion that do or can change over time if the core beliefs in someone are already set.

Example: I was brought up to believe that the man should dominate and rule the family and marriage making all the decisions and I have always been that person, however deep down inside I truly do believe a woman can do all these things just as well if not better than the man. I don’t believe that the one making all the rules and decisions should be based solely out of gender, it should be based off which party makes the most rational decisions and the one whos is more level headed if that makes sense. I have an open mind to the woman being in charge therefore the foundation within me is already there, it just needs to be built.

Analogy: Lets say you have a house, the house that sits on the foundation is the persons mindset and personality (basically the way the man lives his life). Re-Programing would be to tear down the house leaving the foundation there and building a new house the way you want it. The same can work with people. I already have that foundation that a woman can lead just as well as any man, however my house is already built and needs to be torn down and rebuilt into the way she wants it.

Tearing down the house = De-programing

Building a new house on the old foundation = Re-programing

The military uses the same philosophy on new recruits entering into the military throughout training camp. It DOES work however it also involves work from both sides.

Back to the house analogy. As I said, I already have that foundation and would actually say my house is all framed due to the fact I have taken on all domestic chores and cooking and do it willingly. However we all know its the upgrades inside a house when the walls are up that really make a home. Same goes with its really what’s inside the person that makes the person.

De-Programing

I think there are a multitude of things that the stereotypical male needs to shred in order for a FLR/Femdom relationship to work long-term.

With the help of his partner I believe (this is my opinion only, every one differs) the male has to be a willing participant and have the desire to shed:

  • The mindset of being in charge & savior
  • The mindset of “house work (cooking, cleaning, laundry) is women’s work”
  • The mindset of machoism or in some ways, some of his masculinity in order to become more docile/softer
  • The mindset of being hard/strong all the time and accept and trust his Dominant can do everything as good or better than him

Some things might come natural but I am guessing most do not. We as men might have these desires deep within us and truly want to serve our Dominant however it is so difficult to keep the male tendencies within us when things go wrong or not the way we want it and we get frustrated and say fuck it! I am guilty of this myself!

I do however believe with help from our Dominant these things CAN be buried deep inside us and we can learn how to control these feelings/actions that society deems as being a normal male. However burying these deep and locking them up doesn’t mean we are any less male it just means we are willing to suppress these feelings for the reason of love and admiration of our Dominant in order to please them and make them happy.

Here’s the big thing though, BOTH parties have to be willing participants, have the strong desire to live this life style, be open minded, accept and embrace their new roles and commit and be consistent to all the above, and above all else, TRUST EACH OTHER that this is truly what they want. Without this, it is surely on the destination for failure.

Re-Programing

Re-programing isn’t really changing the way one believes for the most part but becoming aware of unwanted habits we have and changing them.  Here is where all the work comes in! At first for quite a while it takes a lot of self awareness from both sides to make this work.  However, again it takes BOTH sides and sooner or later the changes both hope to happen will become second nature so you don’t always have to be so “self aware” of the changes that we are attempting to accomplish it just becomes “normal”.

Before I move on I want to say, these are my opinions and how I view things however what works for me might be entirely different from other submissive’s. I know what works for me, how I react to different situations and what triggers feelings of submissiveness and keeps me in that mindset. Although some unconventional, there are some things that help me a great deal obtain and keep in a submissive mindset. I also believe that even tough my Goddess may not understand the psychological aspects of some, they are very helpful to me and take little or no effort on her part but mostly a open mind and acceptance.

Everyone has different “triggers/reminders” that help and serve as a reminder of their place beneath their dominant and these triggers in my opinion are essential for reprogramming submissive people.  Although me and my Goddess have been doing this for probably 5 years it has been of and on due to life just throwing us curve balls and shit happening. I know I have the desire within me that I want to serve her as her slave for the rest of my life however just because I have that desire it doesn’t mean I am where either one of us wants me to be nor is she and she also has the desire to improve.  So here is my desire of my Goddess to reprogram me and I have no doubts if she were to trust me, keep an open mind and be consistent I will be re-programmed and in time it will become normal for both of us.

Her/Dominant—Attitude

  1. She needs to believe and trust me that I do desire and want her to be in charge
  2. Talk with confidence and authority and mean it
  3. Tell me what to do, don’t ask, follow through with demands
  4. Set rules and enforce them
  5. Hold me accountable i.e. Discipline
  6. Keep me chaste and deny me
  7. Be selfish, put herself first before me. By doing this my needs will be met also.

I am married to the most incredible, sexy, smart, amazing women I have ever met and I am so incredibly in love with her and she needs to believe that and trust me.

Unfortunately she is also the type of woman that holds everything in until she explodes. I wish she would track things I do good and bad and just take the time once a week to sit me down and tell me how I am doing. Communication is #1 in alternative relationships like this. This I think is our biggest struggle, I never know what she is thinking. No matter how big or how insignificant I want to know what is on her mind. I cant help or make changes from my side if I don’t know where to make those changes. There is ALWAYS an excuse, lack of time, kids, tired, headache and on and on, I just wish she would make the time once a week sit in her chair in our bedroom with me on the floor before her and go over my behavior with me in private whether good or bad.

Me/slave

Here I guess is the unconventional stuff that helps me gain the submissive mindset and that I would love for my Goddess to do/use on me to re-program me to help me obtain that permanent mindset. Unfortunately I know I NEED to be re-programmed even as much as I desire to serve my Goddess and even though I am married to most amazing, sexy, smart woman I NEED HELP and I can NOT do this on my own.

Although it might be a little work, open mindedness, understanding on her part, I am 100% confident (only because I know myself better than anyone) that in time and with her being consistent I would become that submissive we BOTH desire permanently and it will become the norm for both of us. Once you do things over and over for a long period of time things become the norm especially if it is something you both desire.

Example. I mentioned to her one thing I would like is for her to have me wear panties. At first she thought it really odd and different understand and was reluctant. We bought a couple pairs and she put them in me once and then I never wore them again for months. We again tried and it lasted a few months. I could see she looked at me strange at first when I had them on and was uncomfortable to some degree however a couple years ago I begin wearing them everyday now and now if I would put on a pair of male underwear she gives me that strange look she used to when I first started wearing panties. Plus a look of annoyance lol. Why does she give me those looks now when I put on male underwear………………because it’s NOT the norm anymore. She is used to me in panties everyday.

Discipline

  1. Positive reinforcement 

Some of us want to know, “What do I get out of this?” Positive reinforcement answers this question. This practice involves the addition of a gratifying experience in reaction to something someone has done. Many adults respond to praise and recognition. If I do something good and receive praise for it, I want to do it more.

2. Negative reinforcement. 

One of the toughest things we can do as adults is to punish ourselves. Punishment is a form of behavior modification that discourages the unwanted act by application of an unpleasant stimulus in reaction to the behavior.

For wrong doings I react best to this type of reinforcement, follow through on everything we have agreed on and enforce all commands to me and never let a thing slide. Punish me as soon as possible after transgressions.

Sleeping

  1. Lock me up every night where appropriate to sleep.

Clothing

  1. Continue of course with me wearing panties every day unless I have a doctors appointment or similar.
  2. As much as you can choose what I will wear for the day.
  3. Start replacing my clothes with women’s clothes. Such as pants, for every pair of women’s pants I have take a pair of my male pants away. I think in most cases pants, underwear, socks and some shirts can be replaced to where nobody will know the difference but us. Lock all the replaced clothes in trunk.
  4. Whenever possible mostly during cold months make me wear a bra daily and pantyhose under jeans whenever we go out for dinner or somewhere special for the weekend.

Chastity

  1. Lock me up always whenever we are not together. It has a positive mental effect. Although I might appear that I am not bothered with denial I DO want to gain relief I think of it nearly all the time when alone. Locking me up when I am alone takes the question of “Should I masturbate she will never know” out of my head and helps me focus on pleasant thoughts of you and how lucky I am to be owned by such a beautiful, amazing Goddess.

Sex

  1. Whenever you wish, demand me to pleasure you while denying me always except for special occasions or when you are feeling generous. However as much as I love to cum and how amazing it feels do NOT feel guilty no matter how long you choose to deny me.

Language

  1. Talk to me as your subordinate. Whenever possible in private refer to me as her, she, girl. Require me again whenever possible to refer to you as Ma’am, Mistress, Goddess.

Allowance

  1. Give me a weekly allowance and take my cards away to track all purchases I make and have me turn in receipts to account for all money spent. Anything over allowance amount I will have to seek your permission first.

Conclusion

Although some of this is unconventional and against societies norms I do believe all of it can be accomplished and I can be re-programmed to your liking while re-programing yourself. I also know a lot of this is repeat stuff that I have said in past post however I also believe its a good thing to be reminded of things.

The big thing I think that 99% of the people error on is that you just cant say one day I want to be a Domme or slave and wake up the next day and be that person you want to be. Change takes a lot of time, work, patience. We need to put every effort into changing and if you in turn will put every effort you have from your side to helping accomplish the change in your partner, the results of that is a good thing because the positive effect will be you also changing.

 

 

 

 

Femdom Life Coaches & Counselors

This is a topic that really pisses me off! We have life coaches for just about every aspect of life from “normal” relationships to career paths we desire to follow. We have counselors for everything from depression to mental illnesses that help us improve our lives but very few and I mean very few to the point of it being rare for female led relationships. I think because professionals just think it’s wrong or it’s just kink or some other stupid reason. Why is that? Maybe it’s because they just don’t think it’s real or people really want it! 

I have seen some advertisements online for these services but I am also very skeptical of the services offered and think they nothing more than just sites where people can masturbate to and screw a person out of money. I know I do not have the money to just throw out on a chance however I would pay a reasonable fee if I were to find a real person that could help us grow our relationship. 

I think if one were to go to a counselor they would look at the lifestyle as a mental illness and try to fix you rather than help you grow in your respective role as either dominate or submissive. 

Personally I think couples in this type of relationship are happier and more successful then those in vailla ones due to the understanding, trust, love, admiration you have to have for one another as compared to vanilla relationships. 

Although the internet provides and endless amount of information on female led relationships it is at times can be hard to decipher fact from fiction especially for people new to this. 

I think that we all at times need someone to help us whether it be some just to talk to so we don’t think we are alone or someone to help us or coach us in our relationships to more understand each other and grow our roles. 

Anyone out there ever try a life coach or kink friendly counselor?

Female Led Marriage: Roles, Reason and One View vs Another.

Defining the Roles

The whole concept of a Female Led Marriage really isn’t new to society. There are certain things women have always been in charge of in “most” successful, happy marriages. I’m sure we all have heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life”. There is a lot to said about that saying. Regardless of whether you are 100% vanilla or 100% into kink or somewhere in between, if your lady isn’t happy, the man isn’t.

I am going to set aside for a minute the FLR mindset and speak as a conservative, Red blooded American with the old fashion mindset. When women are not happy with their husbands in a vanilla marriage they have the God given talent to make us men miserable by bitching, moaning and groaning, being accusatory towards us men and most of all the undeniable gift of being a Master at making us feel guilty all in the effort to get what they want and they are relentless until they succeed. (Sorry Ladies but its true)

Now if we as men really love our wives and care for them, we typically give in and let them have their way. This does several things that benefit us men, the nagging and bitching stops. The evil looks diminish away and she’s happy again. And, let’s not forget one huge benefit we typically get also, MAKE UP SEX!

What I am trying to say basically is that in all reality to a certain extent, women have always been in charge of the marriage and household. However in a “Female Led Marriage”  we have begun to define our roles more clearly to formalize who is in charge. Another aspect is society has changed in its views a great deal of what is considered the “mans job and role” and the “women job and role” in a marriage. Now when the man stays home and takes care of the house and family (which has always been the women’s role traditionally), its acceptable.

Roles

I was brought up in in my family with old fashion values and beliefs and if I had to define the word and roles of wife and husband they would be as follows;

  • Wife- the primary caretaker of the house and family. The one whos does the cooking, cleaning, laundry. Gets the kids off to school. Has dinner on the table when the man gets home. Makes sure the man is always sexually satisfied. She typically stays at home the greater amount of time or works part time and earns less as the secondary breadwinner than the husband.
  • Husband- the major bread winner. The one that works fulltime, makes the most money, makes all the decisions for the family. The one that comes home expecting a meal on the table after working all day, expects the woman to sexually pleasure him on demand, and expects to be basically waited on by the wife.

Personally I envision (in my opinion), that when a couple agree to live the lifestyle of a Female led Marriage they basically agree to reverse the roles. Of course there are many different levels as how far/extreme you can take this and that is all personal preference.

Female Led Marriage vs Femdom Led Marriage

The above term as far as Femdom Led Marriage might not be a “correct” term but for me I wanted to distinguish at least for me, that in my mind, there are indeed two different types of Female Led Marriages. For me, the Female Led Marriage is basically the couple swapping traditional roles for the most part and they have various levels of course. Here in my opinion the man still also has a say and is treated with equal respect on decisions but the wife has the majority say in things or disagreements are negotiated to a mutual resolution. Both parties focus on making each other happy and the wife is leading more because she just has more of a dominate personality.

Femdom Led Marriage to me is also the above but more extreme with absolute control of the female over the male. Everything is negotiated before hand to where once the boundaries of everything is agreed upon as far as how much control (Whether it will be total power exchange or limited in some areas), outside of the agreed upon restrictions negotiation no longer exist and decisions are made entirely with what will benefit the female with little to no regards to the male.

The female cares for herself more than the male, she is selfish, wants nothing to do with domestic duties and wants her submissive male to take care of these. She sets herself up on a pedestal to be worshipped by her submissive man, she is confident. Although she does love her male submissive and wants to share her life with him, her main desire is for her man to serve her as her slave taking away all unwanted duties, task, she may find unpleasant and for him to look up to her as a “Goddess” and to be obedient to all her wishes and love, respect and adore her.

Reason for Submission

There are so may reasons I believe why a man would want to submit to a woman from just pure love and admiration for the woman to just kink or both. For me with my Goddess/Wife it is a combination of both.

Remember these are MY reasons, its not a list of standard reasons for all, everyone is different. I respect whatever reason one may desire this. So here goes, and its not in any order of importance;

As far as Her

  1. I love my Goddess/Wife very much
  2. I admire & respect her
  3. I gain happiness through making her happy
  4. When I look at her, she defines the words, love, caring, attractive, beautiful and sexy
  5. I am in continuous amazement of her caring heart
  6. She is smart
  7. She is very feminine
  8. If I had to describe what a Goddess looks like or what type of person she would be, I would describe my Goddess/Wife.
  9. I understand nobody is perfect but She is perfect for me!
  10. I love, admire, respect her more than anyone in the world! Did I mention that? 🙂

As far as me

  1. Ever since I can remember I have always had the desire to submit to a beautiful woman
  2. I like to let go and not have the added stress of making most decisions. I do however (and we have agreed on this which all should) want to be involved in the big, important decisions that can affect others.
  3. I have a very imaginative mind
  4. I find housework, crazy as it sounds, relaxing and fulfilling
  5. I love cooking
  6. I feel like I am very lucking to have my Goddess/wife in my life
  7. I get bored easy
  8. I desire to be as close to my Goddess/Wife as possible and this lifestyle enhances closeness.
  9. I don’t want to fail her in anyway and by her making the decisions I know the chances of failure are minimal
  10. I have always felt more like I wanted to be a follower rather than a leader. However if and when needed I can be a very good strong leader if needed.

 

Needs

Here I believe is one of the most important vital aspects of any relationship whether it be a vanilla, Femdom, Female led or whatever. The needs of both (I cannot stress the word “BOTH” enough) have to be met for both parties to be happy. In most loving relationships I think the most important thing is to make the other party feel loved, desired, respected, and needed. For my Goddess/Wife I think that is 90% of her needs. In a alternative relationship like we have chosen, the other need in my opinion is a non-judgmental open mind for things that are not vanilla. My Goddess/Wife’s needs I think are very much simple and in line with most needs of every woman in a relationship.

  1. She needs to feel like she is loved always
  2. She needs to feel desired always
  3. She needs to feel she has my support always
  4. She needs to feel secure I will never go anywhere and not ever leave her
  5. Feeling sexually fulfilled
  6. This one however is in line with our agreement, she needs to feel secure in knowing she really is in charge and she needs my obedience willingly

Everyone has different “triggers” that make them feel a certain way and mine however are unconventional but probably common with most men that desire the lifestyle as a slave/submissive.

My list of needs however are more extensive, more non-traditional, however most all designed to ensure my obedience with her. But hers are a lot less time consuming and task oriented. Hers mostly in my opinion focus more on my mental state towards me and more dealing with her open mindedness and state of mind/attitude.

  1. I need her to be consistent
  2. I need her to actually not only make me feel controlled but CONTROL ME!
  3. I need her to be the leader and TAKE CHARGE!
  4. Quit asking me what I want and make decisions for us and for me. Tell me what to do, not ask. Make decisions in what SHE wants!
  5. When she tells me to do something, expect it to be done, no questions.
  6. I need her to hold me accountable like a parent would a child. If I do something wrong, PUNISH ME ALWAYS never allowing any transgressions to slide.
  7. I need her non-judgmental support and open mindedness and willful participation in things that keep me in the mindset of being submissive and being a lessor to her. Here is where the non-vanilla aspect falls in line with my imaginative mind but all these things help immensely with my mindset.  Such as
  • Keeping me in panties 24/7.
  • Incorporating other clothing and being pro-active and lay them out for me and having me wear them such as women’s jeans, bra’s, hose and or whatever she may think of in addition as much as possible
  • Constant verbal reminder to me of my place beneath her (light humiliation/light verbal degradation)
  • Referring to me as her wife whenever she can
  • Calling me my given female name she gave me as much as possible and also  referring to me as she, her, girl, woman
  • Being dominant sexually
  • Denying me the pleasures of orgasm’s and cumming
  • Chastity as much as possible

 

Views of the Femdom Marriage (my view, her view)

My reality of this lifestyle of course is not much different than the fantasies I have of one. But my reality I believe is obtainable to meet 95% of my fantasies. There are only a few things we have restricted from our “power exchange” which we have agreed to mutually agree on such as decisions dealing with kids and money/major purchases. There are a couple things off limits that I am adamant about that she doesn’t like but once again, I am not willing to sway on so before we started we agreed on all these areas.

Ok, now that I got all this out of the way on what I believe in difference in Female Led/Femdom relationships and needs and roles the real reason for this writing is my Goddess/Wife has tasked me with the very difficult assignment of writing how I think she views a Female Led/Femdom Marriage. I think our views are real close however our views on how to do it differ quite a lot. I need constant reminders of my place beneath her which I think differs from her needs and desires.

My view

My view and what I would love to see in day to day life is her complete (well 95% at least) control over me. Most every day since the stuff we agreed to disagree upon before we officially started happen often, she would have 100% control.

  • She would pick out my clothing each and everyday that I wear.
  • If I go somewhere and do something I would have to ask permission like a child would with their parents.
  • Like a child I would also know and be confident if I do not listen and do as told, or I fail to do a task there will be consequences and I will be punished without fail and no transgressions would ever slide.
  • She would expect me to take care of all domestic duties and a clean house at all times.
  • She would see herself as superior to me and treat me as a lessor and refer to me as my fem name Marcy when possible and make me wear fem clothes as much as possible.
  • She would offer up constant daily reminders to me that I am her sissy wife/slave bitch and my only job is to please and serve her.
  • She would make all decisions for us, telling me them and not asking.
  • She would demand me to pleasure her often sexually with no regards to my sexual satisfaction while keeping me chaste and denying me any release except on special occasions where she is feeling generous.
  • Each night she would demand me to be on my knees before her and thank her for allowing me the privilege of serving her.

Her view (in my opinion)

My Goddess/Wife asked me to write on how I think she views the lifestyle. I really am hesitant doing this as we are still growing in the lifestyle and I think she will take my opinions wrong or twist them and take things as a personal dig against her. I do NOT mean anything negative as to I fully understand and accept that I have desired this all my life and she has only been exposed to it a few years. I also understand that there are areas where she is very hesitant due to my personality traits and also her coming from a previous marriage where her X was a complete abusive, dominating asshole. In my opinion it showed great strength on her part to get out of it and leave. Today she is so much different then the person I first met! She has grown to be a strong woman but unfortunately is still haunted by some past experiences.

In my opinion she has all the tools and desires to be that Dominant woman we BOTH strive for her to be and eventually I do think she will reach that point. She says our desires are both in line with each other. She wants to be in 100% control. She wants to hold me accountable and discipline me for my transgressions. I believe her 100%! I also however believe she has a huge hump to get over to make all this happen and forget the past and also put complete trust in me that I also desire all this and just DO IT!

I think she views the lifestyle pretty much the same as me.

She is to be the one in charge and make decisions.

  • I am the one to be responsible for all domestic duties.
  • I am there to serve her.
  • She believes that her sexual pleasures and satisfaction are what’s most important  between us, while denying me mine and keeping me chaste.
  • She desires my worship often to raise her up on a pedestal.

Views with Training/Discipline/Consistency/Kink

Now to the difficult areas. I have tried to explain to her that although I desire all these things and desire to serve her, I am also not a doormat. Sure there might be people out there that will submit to every whim of another never questioning their orders, that’s not me.

I often will not want to do everything I’m told  to do (because I am my own person and not a door matt) or I will often fail to do what is required of me (because I am human). Most every time its not on purpose, but just out of stubbornness or laziness.

  • When I fail to do these things, I wish her to hold me accountable with REAL punishment/training.

Sure, I am a masochist a little, I like to be lightly spanked when we, as we call it, “Play” but I do NOT like real pain. Bending me over something and spanking me for real with real hard swats would NOT be pleasurable and it would hurt and serve as what I call REAL punishment and put a powerful reminder/trigger in my mind to NOT reoffend also reinforcing my place as her slave beneath her. This is not however to feed my masochist side because of the fact I won’t enjoy it. This however is to train me and make me be a better slave to her.

She says she does understand the concept and why I desire this aspect however I think she is afraid I would retaliate in some way (which I keep telling her I wont) and just doesn’t feel that it is necessary and not worth the effort on her part to be consistent on it. I feel also it just also isn’t as important to her as it is to me. To me, any let down or disobedience on my part is a huge deal to me so EVERY transgression NEEDS to be addressed. I think it is one of the most (if not the most) important aspects of a Femdom Marriage and yes, I understand I am an adult, and in a “vanilla” lifestyle it doesn’t happen,  but we have decided not to live vanilla.

We, even as adults are held accountable everyday in everything we do. You break the law, you go to jail. You screw up at work, you get fired. I guess the way I feel here is, if I fail or disobey and I’m not held accountable than is anyone really in charge? the answer is quite simply no.

  • I agree with her and understand in one thing as far as discipline. At times I have a short temper and I can be really stubborn and fly off the handle. She says that she is afraid if she were to discipline me that I would fly of the handle and get mad at her. Is this a possibility? Doubtful, but I do not think that will happen and I ask her to trust me. I do NOT think it is fair to judge me of something before it happens.
  • Although I think she believes me, I think she has hopes the my total obedience no matter what it is, will just naturally happen with no effort on her part. I have told her from the very beginning its a two way road and effort is vital on both sides, not just one side.
  • A lot of times I get the impression it could also just be out of pure laziness on her part that she doesn’t follow up on holding me accountable and or she has a million excuses of why holding me accountable for transgressions is needed or possible to do at the time.
  • Another area is Kinky play, I enjoy it, desire it, think about it often and its important to me. She enjoys it yes, but we rarely play. I think here our differences in importance are a long ways apart. I love her to tie me down and spank me in an enjoyable way to where the pain is minimal and sexually dominate me while verbally degrading me. I think she enjoys it sometimes but rarely. To me it just doesn’t seem that important to her. Plus I don’t think she thinks she is very god at it but she truly is AMAZING at it!
  • As far as clothing such as panties/bras/hose etc. I don’t think she understands the powerful mental effects it has on me. Hell, I don’t understand it at times except all I can say is that when a male wears them it is opposite of being masculine if that makes sense and offsets the “manly” feeling and makes me feel tons more submissive. At first she was very skeptical and hesitant on having me wear panties everyday but now it has just become a norm to her but helps me stay in the mindset. To sum this area of kink up I would say
    • Masculinity in a male to me equals being in charge and dominant and being the leader who makes all the decisions
    • Being Masculine does NOT equal being submissive
    • Wearing women’s undergarments is the opposite of Masculinity

To sum it all up

I don’t think we are far apart as to what the end results are as far as her the one being in charge and me being obedient at all times. I however believe we have our differences on how to get to that goal and how we should be living it 24/7. I also believe the lifestyle is more important to me than her and the amount of effort that we both need to apply to reach our goal is somewhat different. I think she thinks since I am an adult that no discipline is necessary and that I should just comply with her at all times and be obedient.

Overall so far I am happy in the level we have obtained so far and fully understand and accept that each day offers up new opportunities at learning about the lifestyle and each other while growing in it. However each day also offers up new challenges and frustrations.

I may be 100% wrong here but in my opinion my analogy is this. If you were to picture a mountain and the left side represents the desire of the lifestyle and the other side total acceptance of it in every aspect, she is at the peak of it just to the left and I am on the right with my hand extended reaching out to her wanting her to just get past that final hurdle whatever it is inside her head to fully accept and live it 24/7 and fully embrace herself as the leader and dominant one and view me as her lessor slave, there to serve & pleasure her at her beckon call.

I feel I am ready 100% to take that final plunge into submission to her. I know and 100% believe how lucky I am to serve her and be in her presence everyday. I am married to the most amazing, sexy, beautiful, kind hearted woman alive and I am 100% confident of this. Until she can believe all the above and trust that I want this 100% that last hurdle cannot be done, however it will someday!

I welcome would like comments as long as they are polite and respectful keeping in mind we all have our differences in opinions and we are all different and these are MY opinions only. 

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Denied & Caged

It’s been a while since I have written. Summer is here and life sometimes gets busy unfortunately and at times we don’t always have time to do everything we want. But one thing that never waivers is my love and admiration for my Goddess. My desire to serve her never diminishes even when we are in disagreement on somethings.

We are still trying to fight through things within the lifestyle that most people would never understand unless they are also involved within it. Consistency is at times challenged due to life’s events that go happen but we are both determined to make this work and hopefully we will get to the point that everything we have agreed upon becomes the “normal” for us.

So in my past writings I have written about denial & chastity, in my opinion, two very important aspects of a femdom marriage, TPE, FLR whatever you wish to call it. One thing also was on effects of male orgasms, the chemicals released within your brain after one and how it effects the male in how one acts after. I’m sure it has different or no effects on different people however after researching it, I became a believer in what I had learned, because I DO suffer from the effects and have noticed it before I even researched it.

When I orgasm unfortunately I lose ALL desires and feelings of submissiveness for at least 24 hours before it even starts to come back to me. It usually takes nearly a week for the strong desire and feeling to come back. But what’s worse is, for a couple days I feel the lifestyle in whole is stupid and that myself is stupid for submitting to a woman and I start lashing out at my Goddess and being mean and asserting my dominance which isn’t at all what I want.

We both talked for a long time and decided to try something different. We had read about ruined orgasms and that it diminishes the feelings in males that I described above due to it limits the chemical releases in ones brain. We tried this for the whole year of 2016 and I only experienced about 3 full orgasms the whole year however she would allow me to cum with a ruined orgasm once every two weeks. When I did this I would cum on my goddess’s belly then clean it up with my tongue and swallow it. Yes, for a full year I did this but it only diminished the effects to a minimal level. I still would lose most of my desire to be submissive and be an ass to my Goddess (and I hate that and its the last thing I want to do) but not as long, so in December of 2016 we talked again and came to a different resolution.

As of January 1, 2017 we agreed I am no longer allowed to cum except for special occasions. I am to please her with my tongue whenever she wishes and often. We bought a large dildo that is about 1.5 times bigger than me that we use often. I also bought a strap-on that I wear and please her with for intimacy purposes. All these things as far as I know and from what she says keeps her sexually satisfied even more than before.

Because my Goddess is so kindhearted we also agreed that before we do anything intimate I am to lock my cock up and leave the key in the bathroom due to if I start begging to cum or be inside her she gives in. This has worked great! I don’t beg or even ask because by the time I were to even get up and remove the chastity cage the mood is sunk.

So today is June 21, 2017 and my birthday was this month. Until my birthday the last time I have came was December 2016. (I know most wont believe that including my Goddess, but it is the truth) My Goddess allowed me the pleasure of finally cumming. I honestly figured she would at that time and was pleased when she said I could that night. The disappointing thing although was she denied me a full orgasm, only ruined and yes, she made me clean it up with my tongue. I actually was shocked she was firm on denying me that and what she said when I asked. Her words exactly when I asked was “No, do you think I want you being a dick to me for the next week?” I knew she was right so I took what I could and went with it. I honestly had forgotten how good she felt inside due to it had been nearly 6 months since I had been inside her. When I first entered her it felt like heaven but was short lived due to it being so long. I think I got maybe a half dozen strokes before I felt it build up and had to withdraw and cum with no more stimulation.

We also agreed that when I am home alone or home without her I will wear the cage at all times. Believe it or not, this is something I wanted also. When I am home alone the thought of masturbating is at times overwhelming if I do not have it on. Trust me, I want to cum, I want to explode big time but I also love the denial aspect but I also know if I cum I will be overwhelmed with guilt plus be a dick to her and I don’t want that so I prefer to wear the cage to prevent me from doing that.

So as far as the chastity cage goes, it is a huge help to me psychologically. When its not on the temptation to masturbate is so strong. When I have it on, there is no way I can stimulate myself. I have tried just to see. It’s pointless. I cant feel nothing through the cage and I know this hence the results I know I can’t masturbate which takes away all the questioning of whether I should or shouldn’t. I know I cant, period.

Yes, I love the denial and control but I would be a liar if I didn’t say I miss having orgasms and I do want to cum, but the alternative if I do is me being a dick and for some reason I cant control that aspect so in order to serve her better and be closer to her I forego them.

I love my Goddess more than anything in this world and think she is the most amazing, sexy woman I have ever met and feel like I am the luckiest man alive to be married to her and serve her!

I love you my Goddess

your slave always

m

 

Controlling Your Slave With Denial

As a male slave the one thing I love is the overwhelming feel of being submissive to my Goddess and always looking up to her as a follower. Until I got into this lifestyle I never gave on thought to the after effects of having an orgasm. I just knew they felt great and I wanted to experience as many as I could.

As time goes by and relationships grow we all experience change. Change in the ways we do things and or think. One thing that has changed inside of me is curiosity, curiosity of why people think like they do, why do I desire and think the way I do. How different things affect people differently and I have become somewhat obsessed in finding answers.

One thing I was always curious about is the 100% turnaround of how I view things and what I desire after having a orgasm. I think for most people they do not even notice due to be vanilla. But when you have desires to be a certain way or have certain things done to you that are not vanilla it really isn’t hard to notice. Notice I did.

My desire to be at my Goddess’s feet serving and worshipping her each day is so strong within me, the desire to make her happy, give her pleasure and be obedient. I do NOT ever want to lose that, ever. My Goddess is the most amazing, sexy, beautiful woman alive in my eyes. But………….I was losing that desire at times, for days and I hated it. After reading some articles online one day it hit me like a lead balloon and I put 2 and 2 together and figured out the reason why this was happening! ORAGSMS!

This truly is not a myth or just a kink or whatever you want to call it. It is real! To use a ridiculous analogy but say if you have this burning desire inside you for a week to eat pizza and drink beer. You have sex and orgasm. I had no clue that orgasm you just had releases countless chemicals inside your brain that that changes everything. Remember that pizza and beer you have had a burning desire for all week? You no longer want it! In fact you are so against it you are going to go out of your way to prove you don’t want it.

The same thing happens within me when I have an orgasm. My first thought after is ME MAN!!! I simply do NOT want to be submissive. I do NOT want to be obedient. I do NOT want to look up to my goddess or worship her, in fact I find the thought of it ridiculous. How stupid am I to desire these things, I’m better, stronger, smarter than her. I’m a MAN! I’ll show her! These are honestly the things I think and to be honest, I know for sure I act like a total stubborn ass for a few days after until that desire slowly creeps back in that usually takes 2-5 days for those chemicals that were released to wear off. I do NOT like being that way, it just isn’t me! I love my Goddess more than anything in this world and always want to submit and look up to this amazing, sexy, beautiful woman I have been so blessed to be with. So the question that I pondered for a long time was, “how do I keep this feeling 24/7?” The answer unfortunately is only one way, orgasm denial.

I simply just don’t have orgasms anymore and it not only keeps me in my submissive mindset 24/7 but another side effect out of it is that it greatly increased my desire to please my goddess in all ways, domestically and sexually. Now when intimate with her although the physical urge will always be there I just think about her pleasure, I enjoy listening to her have orgasm after orgasm and those strong physical urges for my own release have now been replaced with feelings of pride and happiness because I know the most amazing woman that is laying beside me that has so graciously allowed me to pleasure her is 100% sexually satisfied and happy and that’s all I care about.

Does it suck not having orgasms? Do I want to have them? Do I miss having them? YES, HELL YES, and OMG HELL YES! This is a huge part of me, myself and my pleasure that I have given up for my Goddess. I seriously do NOT think she even understands how big this is. I think she just thinks its some weird kink I have, but it isn’t. Thank god for will power because there isn’t a day that I do not think about masturbating. But I do not because in my mind, it would be deceitful and dishonest and that just isn’t me. Our marriage and the special relationship we have is built on trust and not lies or deceit.

With having a very vivid imaginative mind my dreams while sleeping are very real and I honestly dream of my Goddess every night in some way, but I do know when I wake up every morning I am hard as hell and horny.  Mornings are hard for me, all I want to do is find release and shoot my cum out in full force. Some mornings the feeling is so strong I feel like I could hump anything just to get that feeling of relief by cumming. I however do know if I were to beg hard enough or even stoop as low as using a guilt trip she more than likely would give in and allow me to cum. My hope is that for now on before I pleasure her in bed she will always make me lock my cock up in a chastity cage (which takes a lot of the stress off her in not having to say no) and stay strong and always deny me which in my opinion is best for our relationship.

Here is the technical explanation that happens when we orgasm. I highly recommend this reading, it is not only very interesting but also very informative! I had no clue!

Dominate his Brain Chemicals by Controlling his Orgasms

Male orgasm denial has numerous benefits, but do you know the chemical reasoning behind them? Endorphins, hormones, neurotransmitters, and neurochemicals affect how we all think and feel. By controlling your mans orgasms, you can control their brain chemicals and condition them.

What are Endorphins?

Endorphins are a group of hormones that influence emotions and minimize the sensation of pain. They attach to opiate receptors, mostly in the brain. Pain and stress most typically influence endorphins to be released. They operate similarly to codeine and morphine… Scandalous!

Women Can Enjoy Blissful Daily Orgasms – But Men Need To Be Denied

It’s true, Orgasms affect men and women “Differently”.

It is empowering to know that you can relish multiple orgasms on a daily basis while withholding them from your Virile Lover. Knowing there are hormonal reasons behind the science, (making him stronger and healthier), is just icing on the cake!

Endorphins and Other Chemicals That Control The Brain and Motivation

1. Endorphins: Natural painkillers that are extremely more potent than morphine, producing feelings of euphoria.

2.  Oxytocin, The Love, Cuddle and Bonding Hormone: Decreases abstract craving, diminishes stress, keeps couples together, provokes passion, devotion, attachment and deep feelings of fondness, strengthens sexual receptivity. Normal/Raised Levels of Oxytocin: Devotion, a feeling of being connected, feeling protective and responsible, health benefits (reduces blood pressure and speeds up wound healing), intense feeling of attachment, increases sexual alertness, less addictions and cravings, positive viewpoint and attentiveness.

Low Levels of Oxytocin: Depression, low sex drive, reduced, indifferent or no feelings of attachment, connection or devotion, poor or no feelings of protection and responsibility for another person, weakened immune system.

3. Dopamine, The “I have to have it” Neurochemical: Normal/Slightly Raised Levels of Dopamine: Generates feelings of happiness, healthy sex drive, joy in completing tasks, motivated, optimistic outlook, positive feelings toward others, rational decisions, yearning to bond with others. Low Levels of Dopamine: Ambitionless, despair, displeasure, idleness, impaired judgement, low sex drive, remorseless of own behavior, social anxiety, unable to feel love.

4. Serotonin (a neurotransmitter): Too Much Serotonin: Anxiety, gastrointestinal disorders, insomnia, sexual malfunction. Not Enough Serotonin: Decrease or increase in appetite, insomnia, isolation, loss of libido, low self confidence, ongoing sadness, over sensitive, sore joints and muscles, stomach pain.

5. Testosterone (a hormone): Low Testosterone: Anger, decreased motivation and self esteem, decreased muscle mass and increased body fat, depression, difficulty with concentration and memory, fatigue, low sex drive, irritability.

6. Prolactin (a hormone): After orgasm, it may make one feel sexually satisfied and repress dopamine. Excess Levels of Prolactin: Depression, diminished interest in bonding with others, lowered testosterone levels, low sex drive, depression, infertility, irritability, lethargy, pessimistic outlook, weight gain…

This is how it works:

Men experience a rush of dopamine during orgasm that puts them in a state of ecstasy. However, in most men, the blissful feeling disappears after 5-10 seconds. Interestingly, the surge of dopamine triggers an almost simultaneous burst of prolactin that causes dopamine levels to plummet. The result is a dopamine level that is much lower than it was before sexual arousal began. In addition, an above normal level of prolactin continues for up to two weeks.

Woman receive a peak in dopamine during orgasm, but (unlike in males) it doesn’t crash drastically; rather, it subsides in a gradual sequence of steps. Prolactin also increases to a level slightly above normal (upon feminine climax) – staying there briefly while dopamine levels gently return to their normal levels. Another recent discovery is that Women’s dopamine levels vary throughout the month based on their menstrual cycle.

You may be wondering what all this means. It means that…

1. Male Orgasms Are Addicting:

Have you wondered if there were any truth to it?

Well, male ejaculations can definitely be addicting due to dopamine, the “I have to have it” neurochemical. When comparing brain scans, Gurt Hoistege, a Dutch Scientist found an astounding resemblance of male orgasm to shooting heroin. After they researched rats, scientists in Mexico City pointed out that repeated ejaculations can very closely imitate the effects of abusing drugs.

2. Men Experience a Post-Orgasm Hangover:

After orgasm, men experience a hormonal hangover similar to an opiate or cocaine withdrawal due to low dopamine and high prolactin. Dopamine levels fall while prolactin levels rise after orgasm and after stopping an opiate or cocaine. It takes two weeks for prolactin levels to normalize after stopping cocaine.

During a post-orgasm “hormonal hangover,” men may look for new highs, such as drinking alcohol – eating sweets – new sex partners – porn – and drugs, to boost their dopamine levels. They may also feel disconnected from their partner, experience depression, or become lethargic.

When dopamine levels are constantly bursting up and plummeting down due to uncontrolled orgasms, it can wreak havoc on relationships. Your relationships could feel like a never-ending roller coaster ride full of highs and lows with no middle ground.

3. Too Many Orgasm Lead Him To Cheat:

In any case, long before our time, humans knew that men cheated on their wives because they were not as appealing after sex! Once again, dopamine is the chemical responsible for men choosing to act in a way we ladies don’t like.

Scientists found that after male rats partake in a frenzy of sexual intercourse, they will lose interest in that female. However, if a new female comes along, the male will have sex with her. They linked the phenomena of mate fatigue to dopamine. When a male rat has intercourse repeatedly with the same female, dopamine levels continue to drop. When a fresh potential mate arrives, a surge of dopamine follows.

So, to keep your men feeling you are the most beautiful woman on earth with a World Class “Sacred” Vagina, you must harness and resolutely control their orgasms!

4. Repeated Orgasms Decrease His Sex Desire:

Male rats also experience a decrease in testosterone receptor for up to seven days within their reward circuit. Hormones, such as testosterone, and neurochemicals dock on the nerve cells, along with receptors. In this instance, fewer receptors equals less reactivity to circulating testosterone. As a result, the reward system releases less dopamine.

The first problem is that low testosterone, or a reduced sensitivity to it, can cause anger and irritation. No woman wants to give a man an orgasm and then receive annoyance in return!

Not only that, you don’t want to “Allow” your man to Ejaculate if the undesirable psychological result is a lowered sex drive. This brings us to the second problem, which is the fact that endorphin and serotonin levels go up in the reward system of the sexually satisfied rats. Endorphins and serotonin are both neurochemicals that can produce happiness, but when they are in this part of the limbic system, they bring things to a stop rather than only generating good feelings. Think of it this way: Antidepressants, such as Zoloft, Prozac and Lexapro, that increase serotonin and narcotics, such as Vicodin, Percocet and Methadone that imitate endorphins, can cause sexual side effects. When neurochemicals diminish the reward circuit for a period of time, complications in your intimate relationship, both physically and emotionally, can and will occur.

If you want your guy to have a low sex drive for several days to a week, allow them to have orgasms whenever they chooses – or encourage them to take an antidepressant or opiate! If you just thought or yelled, hell no, then we’re on the same page.

5. Uncontrolled Orgasms Make Him Fall Out of Love:

Due to a dopamine drop and prolactin burst after orgasm, “eventually a man can develop feelings of indifference or slight repulsion for his sexual partner,” according to Taoist Secrets of Love by, Mantak Chia.

Oxytocin is the chemical that keeps love alive, and Ladies can magically increase this baseline oxytocin level in their lives by cuddling, hugging, holding hands, massaging as well as sexually “Edging” their males…

The Cure is Simple

The cure for the chemical chaos that uncontrolled orgasms produce in males is simple: The Cure is Orgasm Denial…

How I envision a Goddess or Mistress

When referring to a Goddess or Mistress people typically use either descriptions of women interchangeably as if they are one in the same but there really is a difference.

A “Goddess” is a woman who holds such high esteem that she is deserving of worship from males. A Goddess has complete control over every aspect of the male being, including his chastity. Males must treat females and their bodies as wholly sacred and must worship the Goddess in any way she sees fit, including worship of specific areas of her body such as her feet.

Now that we got the definition out of the way, close your eyes and envision what you think a Goddess would look like?

When I close my eyes and envision what my perfect Goddess would look like, I see only one vision of one person always, my wife. No one person is going to envision the exact vision of what a Goddess looks like it is purely subjective. When I envision my Goddess its my wife and she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. When I close my eyes and envision her in my favorite way, it really isn’t anything kinky or unnatural its just her sitting above me while I am on my knees before her. She is wearing a beautiful dress that comes down to just above her knees, she is wearing pantyhose and heels. She is smiling down at me as I look up into her eyes and I feel so loved. I feel truly blessed to even be in her presence before her. I feel like the luckiest man in the world because she has chosen me to be with and nobody else. I feel like I can never get enough of her nor be as close as I desire. I just want to climb inside her and be part of her. That’s how I envision a Goddess.

My Goddess if very feminine. She always acts like a perfect lady. She is always kind and warm. Her heart is big and she always see’s the good in everyone.

In my mind I think when someone has or desires a Goddess they should expect certain things out of her. For me, I do not think vanilla people would even understand my expectations/desires of my Goddess.

I have all the admiration and respect for her and to be honest, with someone as beautiful as her I expect and desire her to allow me to worship her in everyway. I want to be on my knees before her kissing her feet and or removing her shoes and I would expect her to feel worthy of my actions. I expect her to allow me to put her way up on a pedestal and welcome it because I, 100% believe she is worthy of it. I expect her to walk with self confidence each and every day and not worry about what anyone in this world thinks about her except only the ones she loves and cares for because nobody else matters. I desire and expect her to remind me frequently just how blessed I am to be with her, touch her, be intimate with her. for she has chosen me and I truly am blessed. I expect her to be strong and have a superior mindset over me and use the power she has to control me in every way and direct me through this crazy life. I desire and expect her control 24/7. I expect her to not only accept, but also demand my respect at all times and when I fail her in any way, I expect her to hold me accountable and punish me in some way and never letting my transgressions go unpunished.

You see, I do not think she is superior to me because she is a woman. I think she is superior to me because I hold her up above me so high on that pedestal. As much as I respect her, desire her, want to be one with her and think she is the most beautiful sexy woman to walk this earth all I desire is to be beneath her, worship her, submit to her power and welcome her complete control over me by enslaving me for eternity.

A “Mistress” is typically considered as a female owner of submissive men or women and slaves. Mistress is a title most often conferred upon Females who dominate others for their personal enjoyment, a display of power, for other personal gains.

To me a Mistress is an authoritative woman, one who is in control, strong, sexy but also has a hard edge to them. My Goddess/wife I proudly serve has the unique power to transform into what I envision as the perfect Mistress when she desires.

She stands tall in black leather and heels holding a whip. She is the sexiest woman alive. One aspect a Mistress lacks compared to a Goddess is the compassionate, warm, caring love. They want their orders followed without question and demand total obedience out of their submissive or slave. She has a direct way of communicating her wishes and expects respect. She is very sexual and demands pleasure out of her sub/slave and selfishly does not reciprocate.

When like this I know its all about her. I expect to be pleasuring her until she can no longer take anymore. I expect her to talk down to me as a lessor being. I expect her to give orders in a demanding way and expect them to be fulfilled right away and if I fail, I will be severely punished.

This is my first time writing about the difference between a Goddess and a Mistress and I am so glade I did because I actually learned something today! I have the best of both worlds! I serve not only a Goddess but also a Mistress and they are one in the same person, she is my wife, my best friend, my love of my life and the most amazing, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever met and I love her with all my heart. I truly am blessed!

 

 

Discipline Spankings

I found this on the internet and changed some wording as it was geared to DD relationships, but as short as it is I think it says a lot!

Spankings should never be carried out in front of children or given to children.  Domestic Discipline is an agreement between consenting adults only

Discipline spankings when you have family around you can be very difficult but are not impossible with a little care and thought.

It is important to discipline as soon as possible when one of your rules has been broken, a good Dominant has to show consistency or they will look weak and a wife will naturally take advantage of a weak Dominant.

Your First Punishment Spanking

From the moment you start living your alternative Lifestyle, you will start to see and feel the benefits of living a more structured lifestyle with rules, both partners will know what is expected of them and will work together to achieve their relationship goals. But sooner or later the time will come when one or more of the rules have been broken and a punishment spanking has to be given. This is something you should try and mentally prepare yourself for, because from this point forward, your relationship will be different forever that first Spanking will change the way both partners look view each other with one big bag of mixed emotions.

Your relationship will never be the same again after your first discipline spanking.

Dominant As the Dominant you will feel guilty you have just hurt the one you love, seeing him cry the first time after a spanking will be disturbing, never before will you have intentionally made him cry by raising a hand to him, all your life you will have been told you “YOU DO NOT HIT” now here you are spanking him for his own good.  Do not be tempted to say you are sorry, as the Dominant you have made the decision to punish him after he broke one of the rules that you both agreed on.  If you had not punished him you would have appeared to be weak and that is not what he is looking for, he is looking for a strong Dominant to guide him and help make him a better person.  Also, you will have to resist the urge to throw your arms around him saying you will never do this again, tell him you love him and remind him that you did what you had to do because you love him.

You will also feel empowered after your first spanking, there is nothing like the feeling of knowing he loves, trusts, respects you enough to bend over and allow you to pull his pants down then spank him behind because he has broken one of your agreed rules, lots of Dominants also find this very arousing, do not make the mistake of turning the spanking into a love making session.  Making love would only confuse both of you, this is a Punishment and not foreplay.  Do not look for any excuse to repeat the spanking as soon as you can, a good Dominant is always fair and only punishes when it is necessary and not for the sake of thier own pleasure.

Submissive / Slave What a big change in your life all of a sudden the woman who promised to look after you has just raised her hand to you and physically punished you, you have spent your childhood dreaming of a partner who may love, and take care of you and live happy ever after and now you find yourself crying with a sore bottom.  At first you will be shocked, how has this happened to you, why have you let this happen to you, all your childhood you have been taught that men and women are equal and you should never hit another person, what have you allowed this to happen to you, you are not a weak feeble person but a strong man.  Remember you are giving her the consent to spank you, if you had not broken the rules that you agreed with her she would not have had to discipline you.  It is for your own good, you achieve your own goals.

You will also feel so emotional & tearful, bursting into tears without really knowing why and that feeling of relief when suddenly a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders, life seems calmer, you are more relaxed and focused on what has to be done.  Also, you will feel guilt for disappointing your Dominant, you have let him down, forcing her to punish you, you can see the concern and mixed emotions in her face, had you behaved as you should he would not be feeling this way. Lots of men are also aroused by a spanking, that is not just heat in your bottom you feel, do not be ashamed by this, you are not some kind of freak that loves to be beaten for sexual pleasure, what you have just experienced is a very intimate thing between husband and wife, hold on to those feelings for later when you your Dominant is ready to comfort you and make love to you, it will be one of the most intense love making sessions you have ever had.

 

Humiliation and the Psychological Effects in a M/s Relationship

All M/s and D/s relationships are different and tailored to each couple who chose this lifestyle. There is no wrong or right in my opinion. What one slave or submissive might find humiliating vs the other differs a great deal or effects them differently psychologically. Some crave humiliation some do not. Some say it is damaging to a relationship and some says it improves it in the capacity to serve as a slave or submissive within a M/s relationship. In my case I not only desire it but I believe it helps me stay in my mindset as a 24/7 slave.

From my perspective in society the man traditionally has been tagged with many roles not only regarding himself but at work and family. Just to name a few these are as follows.

  1. Men are expected to be the provider for the family
  2. Men are supposed to be the head of the household and make decisions for all
  3. Men are suppose to be a role model and inspiration to the family
  4. Men are expected to always be masculin and strong and never show weakness

These expectations I believe can become very tiresome and stressful. When push comes to shove, I gladly accept all of these expectations proudly but then again, for a submissive or slave I believe that some of them have to be set aside but also never forgotten at times to allow for a successful D/s or M/s relationship.

One of the desires I have as a slave serving my Mistress is to FEEL like a slave and humiliation is just one tool that can be used on me as a constant reminder of my place and who I am without ever throwing away my responsibilities as a man.

I believe when a Mistress treats and talks to their slaves in a way that goes against societies norms and expectations as a “man” or makes him do things against the norm it is a very powerful resource to them. After all, at least from my perspective, I crave to feel being a lessor to her. I crave feeling, I guess, a little less manly. I crave the verbal degradation and verbally addressing her as Ma’am. I crave her correcting me verbally to show her respect by saying yes or no Ma’am or thank you Ma’am. Simply put, it puts me in my place where I desire to be be 24/7 with her. Most importantly though it is ONLY with her I crave these things and as far as with anyone else in life I believe I am the stereotypical man and have no desire to be anything less.

I think we all desire, crave and think of things in different ways and none of them are wrong. What might humiliate one person the next wouldn’t even bat an eye at. In the beginning I used to ask myself, why do I crave this or that, why do I want to do this or that and why does this make me feel good? I have come to the conclusion that, who cares? As long as I am not hurting anyone or doing anything illegal, why not? We are all different and I am who I am. I’m me! My train of thought might not match up with societies norms. I might find different things exciting or like to push the envelope from time to time or even find comfort in my kinks but it is who I am and unfortunately, or fortunately, however you look at things, I can’t change that.

There are many forms of humiliation that are available to use by Dominants but before using them I would highly recommend discussing them with your sub or slave to make sure they are not beyond their limits they have set. Some of the various humiliations that a slave or sub might find humiliating in doing are as follows with my personal opinion on a scale of 1-10 of how much it affects me, with 10 sending me to the ultimate subspace and 1 being very little, but also keep in mind, what one person finds humiliating the next might not.

Pegging i.e. Using a strap on with your slave. To me, this is the ultimate in domination of a male slave or sub. It strongly goes against societies norms plus a lot of people feel if a man enjoys it he is gay. Again going back to societies norm, isn’t it a part of the norm in solicited thinking that a man mounts his woman and has sex hence showing his dominance over her? To me this is the most powerful and immasculating thing a woman can do to a man. It, in my mind, shows that she is 100% in control of her male, because no “normal” man the way society sees things would let his female partner do this, right? And if he did then I guess he would be labeled as nothing more than a sissy and not a real man. Well here’s an alert! It is becoming more acceptable and more people in heterosexual relationships are doing it now! As a slave it sends me deep down into subspace, it is humiliating, and it feels good! I feel 100% under her control and at peace with the world while in the act. I will say however the thought of a real man doing this to me is both disgusting and it will NEVER happen. I have absolutely zero desire to be with the same sex. Humiliation scale I give this a 10. Unfortunately though as far as it sends me into subspace the feeling only last a few hours.

Giving a dildo a blowjob is another thing I find very humiliating. Although I have little experience in doing this, I have a couple times dropped to my knees and done it. This ranks really close to pegging for me. As a man there is nothing more I would love when not in a M/s relationship is to push a woman’s head down on my cock and tell her to suck it. When the tables are turned however on me I find it very humiliating, degrading, dirty, and I guess slutty. This also can be intensified greatly by the dominant degrading you while your doing it by calling you names such as dirty whore or bitch etc and also forcing your head down on it making you take it deep inside your mouth. Humiliation scale a 7 and again unfortunately the feeling only last a couple hours.

Demands of you address her as Ma’am or Mistress whenever you can is also mildly humiliating but very effective in reminding you of your place beneath her. Humiliation scale for me 2 but if she is consistent I would think long lasting until she were to stop demanding it.

Wearing female clothing/cross dressing is another humiliation that is very popular in the lifestyle. Some called it forced feminization but come on, let’s be real, nobody can force you to wear certain clothing. You either do it because you have a desire and want to and or your dominant tells you to, but there is always a choice. This one in my opinion for me at least, is the best overall and longest lasting one.

Again, society would think your either gay , sissy or both in the normal realm but to me it is very humiliating and last for however long I am wearing the article of clothing and most importantly a constant reminder of my place until I remove it and damn it women’s panties at least are made out of material that feels good and are so much more comfortable then men’s underwear. I have also tried hose before and honestly I LOVED the way they feel so I have little sympathy for women that complain about them lol. Bras no real experience with but would love to graduate to them also because I think that is another thing that can be worn under male clothing and hide.

I would love to wake up in the morning and go take a shower and it just be a normal thing that my Mistress has laid out her choice of bra and panties to wear for the day. I would be in subspace all day. I really don’t have a desire now to get all dressed up and go out in public in a skirt and heels but wearing personal undergarments in a stealthy way I do find humiliating, exciting, helpful in reminding me of my place and to where most forms of humiliation are temporary, while being done, this is the easiest to do with the longest effect.

I have mentioned to my Mistress I would also love to buy some vanilla looking women’s jeans and start wearing them. Hell no one would know but her and I and from accidentally putting on a pair of hers one time they seem like they would be very comfortable. I however think this form of humiliation is past the limit for most women though because of the emasculation thing I guess so it would take a very open minded woman to go along with this and support it but again, in my humble opinion if a Mistress is wanting the best option for always keeping her slave in his place this is by far the best option. Humiliation factor 5 but by far the best out of any if the slave wears them 24/7.

Foot worship. A lot of people have a special thing for this also and find it humiliating. I really have no desire for this except I do very much enjoy kneeling at my Mistress’s feet and kissing them followed by a long hug and removing and putting away her shoes. I don’t find this humiliating at all in fact I find this to be an honor. It makes me feel very blessed to be on my knees before such a beautiful Goddess and while hugging her I feel love from her and 100% the sense of comfort and that I’m cared for. So 0 on the humiliation scale but 10 on the I’m lucky scale!

Leash and collar is another popular humiliation. I also love this however little experience. In times I have had this done it elevated my thoughts of my Mistress as my owner and me her pet. I wish that every time we were intimate I could wear these. Very strong tool in my opinion of the Mistress asserting her ownership. Humiliation factor 6 short term only while wearing it.

Asserting her dominance over a slave in public is another that is a good one. When my Mistress tells me to do something in a way it sounds like an order in front of the public or verbally tells people I like her to control me it is not only very humiliating but embarrassing also, especially when it’s done with other men around. I love this, but it also at times is uncomfortable but very powerful. It not only puts me in my place with her but also let’s others know she is the one in charge. Humiliation factor 10 but only for the moment.

For me and many alike the one thing a slave strives for is the feeling of being under the control of his Mistress and humiliation although not for everyone is not only a powerful tool at her disposal but a constant reminder to me of my place in our relationship and frankly I can’t get enough. When done in a stealthy way it is a great way to put me in my place and remind me of my sacred bound I have agreed to with my Mistress. I also trust her 100% that she will never do anything to cause me harm in anyway and put no limitations on her in this manner and welcome all that she gives to me knowing it is done with love and thoughtfulness for my desires.

Slave m

Serving Vs. Being Taken Advantage Of

Anyone who is in or ever been in a D/s or M/s alternative lifestyle knows there are many interpretations of how they should be. No one is wrong or right.

In my opinion I think we first need to understand the difference between D/S & M/s. In my humble opinion this is the difference which will differ than others familiar with alternative lifestyles in this regard.

In a Domme/Submissive relationship the submissive retains rights but also agrees to submit to his Mistress while having limits and a safe word. The submissive has the right to say no and or express his opinion in stuff he does not agrees with in decisions his Mistress make. The submissive wants to still retain his individuality while yet submitting to his partner to make her happy and better her life in all ways. To me the power exchange here is about 6o/40.

The Master or Mistress/slave relationship however is quite different. Usually with this arrangement everything is negotiated before entering into the relationship so both parties know what to expect going in. This is Total Power Exchange where the Mistress has 100% of the power over the slave after the negotiations are finished and the slave has no rights. There are no safe words or limits, all this is decided upon the Mistress. The Mistress has the right to push slave to or even past his limits without regard to what the slave thinks or feels. The slaves only job is to serve and provide unquestionable obedience to his Mistress.

So can a Mistress or Master even though they have all the power and the slave has given up all his rights take advantage in a unfair way of the slave. The answer is simply yes.

We all choose our roles in life whether they be vanilla or some form of alternative lifestyle. A woman may choose to be a Mistress because she truly believes women are superior or likes the power over someone or even the feeling of being worshipped like a Goddess hence a male may choose to be a slave because of inadequacies or he likes pain or has spent all his life being that “decision maker” and no longer wants that, or purely just enjoys serving and pleasing the one he loves. There are so many reasons why one chooses the role they choose and they choose them for countless reasons.

I can mostly only speak for myself here as far as what I perceive as the difference between serving and being taken advantage of with some obvious statements that pertain to all M/s situations. Being in a M/s relationship is 100% consensual. Ground rules of the arrangement are set forth ahead of time so each person is aware of the expectations of the other. Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. When one side fails to meet those expectations of the other they are taking advantage of them and the one being taken advantage of gets frustrated to the point of just giving up.

Going into my relationship there were things I knew what my Mistress wanted and was clear minded as to her expectations as to the way she likes to be treated.

  1. She wants to be loved and listened to most importantly
  2. She wants to feel wanted both as a wife and Mentor
  3. She wants to feel desired sexually
  4. She wants nothing to do with domestic chores or cooking
  5. She wants to be spoiled and treated as a Goddess
  6. She wants to be respected and wants my obedience

If I fail in any of these areas and downplay the importance of each thing she desires than I am taking advantage of her if she is doing her part.

Going into this there were things she knew I desired and I expected out of her.

  1. Clear and concise direction of all her expectations of me as her slave
  2. Being held accountable with punishment such as spankings for all actions she feels are acts of disobedience, disrespect or failures to do agreed upon chores or task
  3. Sexually her pleasure ALWAYS comes first and its all that matters. Her making all the decisions sexually and also controlling all my orgasms with denial, deciding when and if I get to cum.
  4. Being talked down to as a lessor being when appropriate and or when we are alone demanding respect in how I address her saying yes and no Ma’am as much as possible and her correcting me when I fail to address her in such manner with respect.
  5. Wearing panties daily and she locking up my male underwear, while expanding in this area. I don’t want the choice though of what I wear but for her to make me wear them.
  6. Kinky sex often including being pegged
  7. The most important thing is HER CONTROL. I no longer want to feel like a man that has free will, I want to feel like she controls all aspects of my life.
  8. Humiliation in various forms

We both know overall the most important things that each of us desire and what is most important to us. When one side fails to provide for the desires and agreed upon request of the other but expects the other to keep up their end then they are truly being taken advantage of.

The one golden rule we both have and both agree on and respect is that as far as close friends and family we do this with stealth and NEVER bringing in a 3rd party in our special relationship.

I think where most people fail in their attempts in living a M/s relationship/arrangement is we try to analyze the whys to why people crave or desire things they do or why they like to be treated the way they wish. I don’t have the desire to be in charge and do not want it. I can see the many advantages of it but really don’t understand why a person desires to be in charge. If that is their desires, I’m fine with it and don’t care, and don’t try to find some type of inadequacy in them to try and give for a reason why they desire this. I for one enjoy domestic chores and cooking and get great satisfaction out of doing it and providing in that way for my family whereas my Mistress has no desires for this. Again, I do not try to understand or guess why, I just respect this in her. I for one don’t care because I don’t think there is anything wrong with people having different desires or wishes. As long as nobody is getting hurt, no laws are being broke and everything is consensual and it makes them happy then my question is, why not?

A M/s relationship is work on BOTH sides! I think that’s where people have a false sense of making it a long lasting relationship. Neither side wants to be treated like a Mistress or slave part time they want every second of every day. This isn’t a “scene” its a way of life. When one side fails to give equal consideration to their partners wishes and desires and become selfish in their own, this, I believe is when the other party takes advantage of their partner. On the other hand at least from the way I see it, and I do believe it goes both ways. The more I feel like and am treated like a slave the more I accept my role hence increases my desires to serve and be obedient to my Mistress while holding her up in my eyes as a Goddess and I’m sure the more obedient and pleasing I am to her the more it encourages her domination of me. I read a book once that the author made a comment  that is so true and fits both sides.

“When a slave/Mistress no longer feels like a slave/Mistress you will lose them.”

We are all individuals with different wants, needs, desires and that’s what makes our lives such a wonderful journey. We are all different. Respect and give 100% commitment and stay consistent in everything you do and never fail in fulfilling you role whatever it is. As long as we each are committed and do our part, neither party will feel like they are taken advantage of. Taking advantage comes when we fail to fulfill our roles while the other is.

Both roles feed off each other and without 100% commitment in their roles 24/7 while staying consistent it is doomed to fail. I for one do not believe one sex is superior than the other however I do have the strong desire in my relationship for my Mistress to be superior over me. Not because of her sex or beauty or intelligence but because I have great respect, love and desire for her and above and beyond everything else I want her to be the happiest woman alive. I for one get great satisfaction and happiness out of her happiness and while in her presence I feel like I am the luckiest man alive to have had her choose me to spend and share her life with. She is the most amazing, sexy and beautiful woman I know.

slave m

 

 

A slow transition into one

How do I envision and desire us to be in the future? Both you and I working towards a common goal while living a very structured life as far as roles between you and I with clear goals on both sides and most importantly even though being two opposites in our chosen roles in our marriage, once our two roles are put together the outcome equals one person.

In life I think a lot of thing can be compared to a puzzle just as a relationship can or people. If you are missing one piece of the puzzle it will never be complete. In every relationship there is always one who is the leader and one the follower. Putting the two together I believe make one. However the “one” in size may be small and weak or large and strong. By defining these roles so there is no confusion or guessing what role we play in a relationship offers two things, making it a lot bigger (stronger) and allows us to focus more on the roles we have chosen only to build those roles up and perfecting them hence making us stronger when put together and also not having to worry about the role we have not chosen to be in. Not sure if you understand what I’m saying but hopefully you do.

I have always said that my desire is to become closer to you and feel as we are one and I truly mean this. Fortunately we both desires opposite roles which feed perfectly together to make one. That is my long term goal in all this. Not to be just a small “one” but to grow each day and become this amazing gigantic “one” that is unbreakable in every aspect of life. Right now I sincerely believe we are one but my desire is to grow us with every passing day to obtain this gigantic one.

I think that when two people love each other deeply they always want to please the other person and make them happy and provide a life for them to where they can be happier than anyone alive. This is how I feel for you. I want to make you the happiest woman alive but I also know in order to get there I have to build my 1/2 of the one each day to obtain my goals. I also believe you feel the same way towards me hence you building your 1/2 to match my 1/2. Without our two half’s growing and being put together we will never be that gigantic one.

The roles we have chosen will take a conscious effort daily and will be work for a long time until things actually become natural. We both have to be on board and have the common goals to achieve this and be successful. We both have to throw away all the excuses we have always used and be consistent each and every day.

In my opinion Effort + Consistency= Success!

This is my pledge to you from here on. In our roles in life and our life’s choices how we live together I promise to start working on my half and growing it daily  to obtain that gigantic “one”. This means always doing as I’m told and following your direction always. Trying to know what type of behavior is expected of me at all times and also know what task needs to be completed and always having them done. hopefully trying to make mindful choices to help you build your self confidence in all areas physically and mentally. Always showing support in all your choices and encouraging you in building your half.

My role is very simple and its do as I’m told,  to love, support and serve you in all ways while making your life easier and these are truly the things I desire for us.

My hope from here on is you will start building your half by believing and living your true role between us. Trust me when I say this is truly what I desire and by fulfilling your half it will not only help me build my half but it will also make me the happiest man in the world. Things I would ask from you is to provide clear expectations of what you expect out of me.

Hold me accountable in everything I do. Assign tasks and chores as desired. Never sway in your decisions and show me that strong amazing smart and sexy woman you are! Never allow me to disrespect you in any way whether it be the words I speak or how I speak them or any actions I show. Always try to be mindful in demanding due respect out of me until it becomes a natural part of everyday life.

You are such an amazing, sexy woman in my eyes who deserves nothing but respect and the best and I feel very lucky that I am the one you have chosen to allow serving you. Let’s work as a team and make this work together. I know we can be successful!

I love you with all my heart your slave always m