D. A. R. E. To be the “one”!

We all have our certain ways we live and in my opinion if two people are in agreement on whatever lifestyle they choose , it is not for me to judge whether it’s right or wrong.   As adults we all have the right to choose how we live and with whom and the best way in my opinion is to choose the lifestyle that best fits your personality and desires and works. We all have to understand what works for one person or couple might not be what works for the next person or couple.

Some couples choose to live the traditional roles of husband and wife where the man is in charge and the woman is the submissive partner who does all the domestic chores. Some people choose not to get married while some choose an alternative route. 

Whatever lifestyle we all choose however I think the most important thing to remember is that we must all live it to the best of our capabilities. Life at times isn’t always great, there are plenty of pitfalls and challenges we are faced with however it’s rare that we are ever faced with something that with effort can’t be overcome. 

I was fortunate in life that I met an amazing woman with a open mind that in my opinion has everything that I had put down on my mental checklist of  qualities I desire in a woman to marry. She’s smart, sexy, beautiful inside and out, faithful, fun to be with and she desires to be the one in charge. 

Although a lot of times we have desires and goals we are often held back from obtaining them out of fear, fear that we will fail, fear that we won’t meet our partners expectations, fear that it may be the wrong choice, fear how other people will react towards your decisions and desires. 

First thing I think we ALL have to remember that is a FACT. We ALL should put ourselves #1 on the list of priorities in our lives. If you don’t you are just living life for other people rather than yourself and you will never obtain the level of happiness we are capable of. 

When we are in a relationship we communicate with each other, we care for each other, and no matter what type of relationship or lifestyle we choose where it involves two people the one common desire we share is to make the other person happy. 

So what if you are married or in a relationship with another person and you two choose to live an alternative lifestyle of any kind and most importantly your goals, desires, choices all match up and you agree on everything? What now? YOU LIVE IT!

I think the worst thing you can do in life is to deny living the way you want to out of fear for anything. Your cheating yourself, your partner, and frankly all the people in your life because until you obtain that lifestyle you so desire you will never obtain that level of happiness you so desire, therefore if your not the happiest you can be and feel fulfilled in life it will affect the way you interact with people in a negative way. You not only let yourself down but you also let your partner and those around you down.

For me and my wife we have talked in great length on how we would like to live our lives together and that’s where she will be the one in charge, the decision maker, the Goddess whom I have agreed to be under. I will serve and worship her as her slave. I will take on all domestic duties a wife typically does, I will respect her as my superior in charge and listen to all her request and carry them out faithfully without hesitation. She will have complete control over everything she chooses to in my life and she will also hold me accountable with corporal punishment when I fail to do as told. 

This and a lot of other smaller details we have agreed upon. However, it isn’t just something you can wake up the next morning and just make that change instantly, it takes time, it takes patience, it takes trust. I know I lack in a lot areas where we have agreed upon just as she does, this is where you both ALWAYS have to remember one thing.

Happiness in a relationship is not one sided, one cannot live this lifestyle one sided, each parties feed off the others desires, wants and needs! If one lacks on there side the other is sure to lack on there’s also which in my opinion sets the agreement you have between each other for certain failure. So I say DARE! Dare to be that person you desire, if your submissive, dare to do everything your Dominant desires and more. Go out of your way and put extra effort into serving your Dominant. If your the Dominant dare! Dare to trust everything your submissive has communicated to you of thier desires, follow through with your agreement of taking responsibility for your submissive, train your submissive how YOU want them to act towards you in everyday life. Just as it is the submissives job to obey you and serve you it is equally important for you to guide and train them in a consistent way while holding them accountable for thier actions if so agreed upon. DARE TO BE YOU!

D

Dominate the submissive always, never letting them forget you are the one in charge. That is what they desire. This is the very foundation and the most important aspect of a D/s relationship. This is why you are labeled the Dominant! This is the persona you need to let out of yourself without holding back which brings me to the next subject…………

A

Acceptance. For the submissive accept your desires to serve your Dominant in the ways you have agreed upon. Accept that from now on the Dominant sword is the final word, accept you will now have a new set of rules to follow and you yourself will come second to your Dominant with the understanding by doing this you will receive back what you so desire hence putting yourself first only in a roundabout way. 

For the Dominant Accept this person inside you who you have expressed you want to be. Don’t question your decisions or desires in regards to your submissive. Be the decision maker! Be the one that holds your submissive accountable for his actions. Be the strong person that you yourself envision and see in yourself and that person your sub sees your capable of being. Be the athoritive one, be the trainer, be the punisher, demand obedience and respect which again goes into my next category…………..

R

Respect. In general Above and beyond everything never forget the other person has feelings, desires, wishes, needs however different they are as important as your own and they are a person to, just like you.  Remember always if you don’t show respect for your partner respect won’t be given by them either. Whatever you and your partner have agreed upon, follow through with it. Not following through with agreements and promises shows disrespect for the others needs, wants, desires. 

As a Dominant respect the wishes, desires, and needs of your submissive. Sometimes you may not understand why they like or desire something but remember our brains don’t always match up in thought. Example (my Goddess gets pleasure out of spanking me and the pain it causes me. I don’t nderstand how she could get pleasure out of it because my brain doesn’t work that way however I accept it. I don’t think negative of her in any way because of it either, in fact I’m thankful for it because in my opinion it goes with the role of a Dominant role, if she didn’t derive pleasure in it, it would be impossible for her to hold me accountable for transgressions) Sometimes as long as it isn’t causing harm to anyone it’s just best to accept the person for who they are and go with the flow no matter how strange you may find thier quirks. I think the saying I have seen a lot is so true that submission is a gift. A sub would NEVER submit to someone they do not respect and trust fully in. It is out of that trus, respect and admiration that they do desire to submit to the Dominant. So if you have an agreement or a contract like me and my Goddess live up to it. Be respectful to your submissive and follow through with everything you have agreed upon. If you don’t it shows them two things, you don’t respect them and or you just don’t give a damn what they want. 

As a sudmissive you are the one that has agreed to serve your Dominant in whatever caliber of service you have chosen. Respect that decision. Respect your Dominant as the superior one between you two. Respect that when they tell you to do something they are telling you to either be a cause they want something done and or it will be good for the both of you. Respect also shows trust, you have chosen them as your Dominant so show them the rightful respect and put your trust in that they will always make the decisions what’s best for you both, after all isn’t that why you picked the? You respect them, you trust them and you expect them to show you respect by enforcing what you have agreed upon which brings me to the last and final subject…………..

E

Enforcement. Dominant’s this one is solely for you. Your submissive and you have talked long and in depth into the details of your agreement hopefully. Unfortunately this is where you are solely responsible to enforce the rules. Yes it is the job of the submissive to accept and take on his role of the submissive and follow through with his end of the agreement however the Dominant is the higher power to make sure everything is followed and to enforce the agreement. Dominants, your subs expect this out of you also, when you fail to do this it is disrespectful in my opinion to not only yourself but the sub also. It gives the sub the impression you don’t care and when you do order him to do something he has a choice which pretty much overrides the whole agreement and the power exchange dynamics because are you really in charge then if your giving your sub the choice?

If corporal punishment is part of your agreements like ours then you need to follow through and enforce whatever punishments you have agreed upon. Unfortunately also and I am not saying this is right however I am human like every other sub and you dominants will be tested. We would lol purposely fail in following orders or completing task assigned just to see, just to see if you will follow through with your end of the agreement and catch it and punish us. I know though from me, once the real punishment is given to me a few times that bratty behavior would disappear and I would stop testing and start doing because I know I would be held accountable. 

Remember dominants if this is something you and your sub has agreed upon you should not hold and hesitations or guilt in punishing your sub and ONLY stop the punishment when YOUR ready to stop no matter how much pain your sub is feeling and begs you to stop. 

In circumstances where the two of you are not a “couple” who loves each other a safe word should always be used. In my case I have given my Dominant full authority to go until she is done even if it brings me to real tears and there is no safe word. Why you ask? Because of multiple reasons which are trust, my love and admiration for her, our friendship and her being my partner in life as my wife. Would I give that kind of leeway with anyone else, he’ll no! 

Conclusion

So to sum t all up, if you and another have agreed to live a D/s alternative lifestyle and you have set parameters and rules DARE! Dominate, accept an embrace your new roles, respect each other as a person and thier desires, and enforce the agreement from both sides and I promise you, it will bring your relationship to new heights that you never imagined!!!

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 Why a Dominant Should Punish

When living a consensual 24/7 D/s lifestyle and the terms have been discussed and agreed upon I believe it is up to the dominant to train the sub to serve them in the way that they most desire that will provide them with the best service and pleasure the sub can offer. I don’t care who you are, nobody is perfect and everyone has room to grow and learn no matter your gender or age. I know for certain there are things my Goddess would like to change about me and truth be told there are things I would love to change in her. However I have accepted my role as her slave and have agreed to adjust my life to better suit hers. Why do I desire this? Because in my eyes I am married to the most amazing, sexy woman on this planet. She has a huge heart and is smart, kind,loving and giving. I know for certain I am truly blessed and I thrive off of her happiness.

During our contract talks we agreed on most everything and one of those things is she has free reign over me to punish me for anything she deems a punishable offense even if I disagree with it. I am the one that has agreed to conform to her ways of thinking therefore I gave her free will.

Her

Because of the fact she is so loving and caring she struggles in this area. She doesn’t want to hurt me in any way and she knows real punishment hurts which deters her from consistently applying punishment when needed. She also fears what reaction I might have and or even doubts this is truly what I want.

Me

Here is what I want and she says she wants the same. I want to be controlled 100% by her. I want her to make the decisions for me. Above and beyond all I want to please her and do everything in my power to increase her happiness each and every day.

Parent/child

In my opinion in a lot of ways a D/s is a lot like a parent child relationship. The sub is to do as told by the Dominant and the Dominant/parent is tasked with raising/teaching/training the sub and holding the sub/child accountable for any and all transgressions. When a child talks back or does something wrong they get punished and learn from it hence the same rule of law should apply to the consensual sub. As parents we love our children and punish them not because we enjoy dishing out punishment but we do it because the need to learn right from wrong and at least for me, when I punish mine it hurts me more than them because I despise causing any kind of discomfort to them but I also know it’s for their benefit. In my opinion a Dominant should view punishment towards thier sub in the same way. I know my Goddess loves my and I never doubt that and I so desire to be the perfect slave to her in her eyes but without punishment, although I desire to change, I probably wont.

So Why Punish?

  • It demonstrates to the slave that the dominant is displeased. Although I can tell the majority of the time if my Goddess is displeased there are a lot of times I cannot.
  • It shows that the behavior was unacceptable and the slaves actions have consequences.
  • The biggest reason it provides reinforcement for a change to proper behavior
  • Punishment of a slave aims to improve the slave’s behavior or remove completely bad behavior. The slave may not like the consequences that the Dominant applies, but the slave accepts them because they apply to him or her and are for her betterment. Punishment is NOT role play. It is to correct a real problem using real punishment.
  • Punishment is about caring that your slave behaves in a way that best serves, obeys and pleases the Dominant. It is about allowing the slave/sub to develop into the slave he or she has chosen to be; by being pleasing to the Dominant.
  • Punishment is a cleansing process.  A new start after the correction. It is a alternative way for the slave to atone for his or her indiscretions. Once the punishment is done and over it is easier for both parties to put it behind them and move forward.
  • Punishment also shows the Dominant really does care and wants to take an active role in changing unwanted behaviors in the sub/slave while also providing attention to the sub/slave.
  • Punishment is also a great training tool and deturant in avoiding future transgressions.

If punishment isn’t used on slaves/subs then what motivation do they have in conforming more to the Dominants wishes. Sure, I long to serve my Goddess and please her in every way but I am also human and screwup, say the wrong thing, disobey just like any child will do with thier parents. The big question though is if we don’t hold our kids accountable each and every day with thier actions will they change? Nope! I whole heartedly admit, I NEED HELP and the help I need only she can give to me.

Same goes for a slave/sub. If they do not feel controlled and held accountable each and every day which is the thing both parties should strive for the power exchange will without a doubt be certain for failure.

I love my Goddess with all my heart and desire to conform to her idea of what the perfect sub/slave is however without being held accountable every single day for any wrongdoings I will never change even though I want to. Hopefully some day this will finally sink all the way in her head and she will have an aha moment and start blistering my ass whenever she is displeased with me so that I can change for the better for her

De-Programing & Re-Programing

We as a society have assigned certain traits instilled in both men and women since the beginning of time. Men are suppose to be strong leaders, in charge, masculine and make all the decisions for the families while women are weak, serve as followers to their husbands and be secondary in life decisions.

Times are changing these days, more women are working and taking a leadership role in todays world while men are increasingly taking on the traditional roles of the women by becoming stay at home dads or helping with domestic duties.

Personally I think the decision of who is in charge of a relationship or family should be not made because of ones gender but be made by who is best suited for the role. Although as of late it is getting more acceptable society still puts a great deal of pressure dictating the traditional roles of both male and females.

Deep down inside me I crave to go against societies expectations of the stereotypical male as being the strong masculine leader who makes all the decisions for the family. It’s not that I can’t do it because I know without a doubt I can and pretty much have all my life until I met the most incredible, beautiful, amazing woman I call my Goddess.

However as much as I desire this secondary role it is so hard to just let go and follow as the same with my Goddess. As much as she wants to be the one in charge and make decisions she has been programed in the traditional role as a woman and house wife.

I have given this so much thought in the past couple years and ask myself these questions nearly daily, So how do we fix this mess we are in? How do I take the submissive role as the traditional “house wife” and how does my wife take on the role as the strong leader who makes the decisions for us and rules the house with authority?

There really is only one way, De-programing and Re-programing.

Can you really teach a old dog new tricks?

The answer is YES! However it does take time, patience and consistency. Behaviors and mindsets are learned behaviors in my opinion that do or can change over time if the core beliefs in someone are already set.

Example: I was brought up to believe that the man should dominate and rule the family and marriage making all the decisions and I have always been that person, however deep down inside I truly do believe a woman can do all these things just as well if not better than the man. I don’t believe that the one making all the rules and decisions should be based solely out of gender, it should be based off which party makes the most rational decisions and the one whos is more level headed if that makes sense. I have an open mind to the woman being in charge therefore the foundation within me is already there, it just needs to be built.

Analogy: Lets say you have a house, the house that sits on the foundation is the persons mindset and personality (basically the way the man lives his life). Re-Programing would be to tear down the house leaving the foundation there and building a new house the way you want it. The same can work with people. I already have that foundation that a woman can lead just as well as any man, however my house is already built and needs to be torn down and rebuilt into the way she wants it.

Tearing down the house = De-programing

Building a new house on the old foundation = Re-programing

The military uses the same philosophy on new recruits entering into the military throughout training camp. It DOES work however it also involves work from both sides.

Back to the house analogy. As I said, I already have that foundation and would actually say my house is all framed due to the fact I have taken on all domestic chores and cooking and do it willingly. However we all know its the upgrades inside a house when the walls are up that really make a home. Same goes with its really what’s inside the person that makes the person.

De-Programing

I think there are a multitude of things that the stereotypical male needs to shred in order for a FLR/Femdom relationship to work long-term.

With the help of his partner I believe (this is my opinion only, every one differs) the male has to be a willing participant and have the desire to shed:

  • The mindset of being in charge & savior
  • The mindset of “house work (cooking, cleaning, laundry) is women’s work”
  • The mindset of machoism or in some ways, some of his masculinity in order to become more docile/softer
  • The mindset of being hard/strong all the time and accept and trust his Dominant can do everything as good or better than him

Some things might come natural but I am guessing most do not. We as men might have these desires deep within us and truly want to serve our Dominant however it is so difficult to keep the male tendencies within us when things go wrong or not the way we want it and we get frustrated and say fuck it! I am guilty of this myself!

I do however believe with help from our Dominant these things CAN be buried deep inside us and we can learn how to control these feelings/actions that society deems as being a normal male. However burying these deep and locking them up doesn’t mean we are any less male it just means we are willing to suppress these feelings for the reason of love and admiration of our Dominant in order to please them and make them happy.

Here’s the big thing though, BOTH parties have to be willing participants, have the strong desire to live this life style, be open minded, accept and embrace their new roles and commit and be consistent to all the above, and above all else, TRUST EACH OTHER that this is truly what they want. Without this, it is surely on the destination for failure.

Re-Programing

Re-programing isn’t really changing the way one believes for the most part but becoming aware of unwanted habits we have and changing them.  Here is where all the work comes in! At first for quite a while it takes a lot of self awareness from both sides to make this work.  However, again it takes BOTH sides and sooner or later the changes both hope to happen will become second nature so you don’t always have to be so “self aware” of the changes that we are attempting to accomplish it just becomes “normal”.

Before I move on I want to say, these are my opinions and how I view things however what works for me might be entirely different from other submissive’s. I know what works for me, how I react to different situations and what triggers feelings of submissiveness and keeps me in that mindset. Although some unconventional, there are some things that help me a great deal obtain and keep in a submissive mindset. I also believe that even tough my Goddess may not understand the psychological aspects of some, they are very helpful to me and take little or no effort on her part but mostly a open mind and acceptance.

Everyone has different “triggers/reminders” that help and serve as a reminder of their place beneath their dominant and these triggers in my opinion are essential for reprogramming submissive people.  Although me and my Goddess have been doing this for probably 5 years it has been of and on due to life just throwing us curve balls and shit happening. I know I have the desire within me that I want to serve her as her slave for the rest of my life however just because I have that desire it doesn’t mean I am where either one of us wants me to be nor is she and she also has the desire to improve.  So here is my desire of my Goddess to reprogram me and I have no doubts if she were to trust me, keep an open mind and be consistent I will be re-programmed and in time it will become normal for both of us.

Her/Dominant—Attitude

  1. She needs to believe and trust me that I do desire and want her to be in charge
  2. Talk with confidence and authority and mean it
  3. Tell me what to do, don’t ask, follow through with demands
  4. Set rules and enforce them
  5. Hold me accountable i.e. Discipline
  6. Keep me chaste and deny me
  7. Be selfish, put herself first before me. By doing this my needs will be met also.

I am married to the most incredible, sexy, smart, amazing women I have ever met and I am so incredibly in love with her and she needs to believe that and trust me.

Unfortunately she is also the type of woman that holds everything in until she explodes. I wish she would track things I do good and bad and just take the time once a week to sit me down and tell me how I am doing. Communication is #1 in alternative relationships like this. This I think is our biggest struggle, I never know what she is thinking. No matter how big or how insignificant I want to know what is on her mind. I cant help or make changes from my side if I don’t know where to make those changes. There is ALWAYS an excuse, lack of time, kids, tired, headache and on and on, I just wish she would make the time once a week sit in her chair in our bedroom with me on the floor before her and go over my behavior with me in private whether good or bad.

Me/slave

Here I guess is the unconventional stuff that helps me gain the submissive mindset and that I would love for my Goddess to do/use on me to re-program me to help me obtain that permanent mindset. Unfortunately I know I NEED to be re-programmed even as much as I desire to serve my Goddess and even though I am married to most amazing, sexy, smart woman I NEED HELP and I can NOT do this on my own.

Although it might be a little work, open mindedness, understanding on her part, I am 100% confident (only because I know myself better than anyone) that in time and with her being consistent I would become that submissive we BOTH desire permanently and it will become the norm for both of us. Once you do things over and over for a long period of time things become the norm especially if it is something you both desire.

Example. I mentioned to her one thing I would like is for her to have me wear panties. At first she thought it really odd and different understand and was reluctant. We bought a couple pairs and she put them in me once and then I never wore them again for months. We again tried and it lasted a few months. I could see she looked at me strange at first when I had them on and was uncomfortable to some degree however a couple years ago I begin wearing them everyday now and now if I would put on a pair of male underwear she gives me that strange look she used to when I first started wearing panties. Plus a look of annoyance lol. Why does she give me those looks now when I put on male underwear………………because it’s NOT the norm anymore. She is used to me in panties everyday.

Discipline

  1. Positive reinforcement 

Some of us want to know, “What do I get out of this?” Positive reinforcement answers this question. This practice involves the addition of a gratifying experience in reaction to something someone has done. Many adults respond to praise and recognition. If I do something good and receive praise for it, I want to do it more.

2. Negative reinforcement. 

One of the toughest things we can do as adults is to punish ourselves. Punishment is a form of behavior modification that discourages the unwanted act by application of an unpleasant stimulus in reaction to the behavior.

For wrong doings I react best to this type of reinforcement, follow through on everything we have agreed on and enforce all commands to me and never let a thing slide. Punish me as soon as possible after transgressions.

Sleeping

  1. Lock me up every night where appropriate to sleep.

Clothing

  1. Continue of course with me wearing panties every day unless I have a doctors appointment or similar.
  2. As much as you can choose what I will wear for the day.
  3. Start replacing my clothes with women’s clothes. Such as pants, for every pair of women’s pants I have take a pair of my male pants away. I think in most cases pants, underwear, socks and some shirts can be replaced to where nobody will know the difference but us. Lock all the replaced clothes in trunk.
  4. Whenever possible mostly during cold months make me wear a bra daily and pantyhose under jeans whenever we go out for dinner or somewhere special for the weekend.

Chastity

  1. Lock me up always whenever we are not together. It has a positive mental effect. Although I might appear that I am not bothered with denial I DO want to gain relief I think of it nearly all the time when alone. Locking me up when I am alone takes the question of “Should I masturbate she will never know” out of my head and helps me focus on pleasant thoughts of you and how lucky I am to be owned by such a beautiful, amazing Goddess.

Sex

  1. Whenever you wish, demand me to pleasure you while denying me always except for special occasions or when you are feeling generous. However as much as I love to cum and how amazing it feels do NOT feel guilty no matter how long you choose to deny me.

Language

  1. Talk to me as your subordinate. Whenever possible in private refer to me as her, she, girl. Require me again whenever possible to refer to you as Ma’am, Mistress, Goddess.

Allowance

  1. Give me a weekly allowance and take my cards away to track all purchases I make and have me turn in receipts to account for all money spent. Anything over allowance amount I will have to seek your permission first.

Conclusion

Although some of this is unconventional and against societies norms I do believe all of it can be accomplished and I can be re-programmed to your liking while re-programing yourself. I also know a lot of this is repeat stuff that I have said in past post however I also believe its a good thing to be reminded of things.

The big thing I think that 99% of the people error on is that you just cant say one day I want to be a Domme or slave and wake up the next day and be that person you want to be. Change takes a lot of time, work, patience. We need to put every effort into changing and if you in turn will put every effort you have from your side to helping accomplish the change in your partner, the results of that is a good thing because the positive effect will be you also changing.

 

 

 

 

Femdom Life Coaches & Counselors

This is a topic that really pisses me off! We have life coaches for just about every aspect of life from “normal” relationships to career paths we desire to follow. We have counselors for everything from depression to mental illnesses that help us improve our lives but very few and I mean very few to the point of it being rare for female led relationships. I think because professionals just think it’s wrong or it’s just kink or some other stupid reason. Why is that? Maybe it’s because they just don’t think it’s real or people really want it! 

I have seen some advertisements online for these services but I am also very skeptical of the services offered and think they nothing more than just sites where people can masturbate to and screw a person out of money. I know I do not have the money to just throw out on a chance however I would pay a reasonable fee if I were to find a real person that could help us grow our relationship. 

I think if one were to go to a counselor they would look at the lifestyle as a mental illness and try to fix you rather than help you grow in your respective role as either dominate or submissive. 

Personally I think couples in this type of relationship are happier and more successful then those in vailla ones due to the understanding, trust, love, admiration you have to have for one another as compared to vanilla relationships. 

Although the internet provides and endless amount of information on female led relationships it is at times can be hard to decipher fact from fiction especially for people new to this. 

I think that we all at times need someone to help us whether it be some just to talk to so we don’t think we are alone or someone to help us or coach us in our relationships to more understand each other and grow our roles. 

Anyone out there ever try a life coach or kink friendly counselor?

Female Led Marriage: Roles, Reason and One View vs Another.

Defining the Roles

The whole concept of a Female Led Marriage really isn’t new to society. There are certain things women have always been in charge of in “most” successful, happy marriages. I’m sure we all have heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life”. There is a lot to said about that saying. Regardless of whether you are 100% vanilla or 100% into kink or somewhere in between, if your lady isn’t happy, the man isn’t.

I am going to set aside for a minute the FLR mindset and speak as a conservative, Red blooded American with the old fashion mindset. When women are not happy with their husbands in a vanilla marriage they have the God given talent to make us men miserable by bitching, moaning and groaning, being accusatory towards us men and most of all the undeniable gift of being a Master at making us feel guilty all in the effort to get what they want and they are relentless until they succeed. (Sorry Ladies but its true)

Now if we as men really love our wives and care for them, we typically give in and let them have their way. This does several things that benefit us men, the nagging and bitching stops. The evil looks diminish away and she’s happy again. And, let’s not forget one huge benefit we typically get also, MAKE UP SEX!

What I am trying to say basically is that in all reality to a certain extent, women have always been in charge of the marriage and household. However in a “Female Led Marriage”  we have begun to define our roles more clearly to formalize who is in charge. Another aspect is society has changed in its views a great deal of what is considered the “mans job and role” and the “women job and role” in a marriage. Now when the man stays home and takes care of the house and family (which has always been the women’s role traditionally), its acceptable.

Roles

I was brought up in in my family with old fashion values and beliefs and if I had to define the word and roles of wife and husband they would be as follows;

  • Wife- the primary caretaker of the house and family. The one whos does the cooking, cleaning, laundry. Gets the kids off to school. Has dinner on the table when the man gets home. Makes sure the man is always sexually satisfied. She typically stays at home the greater amount of time or works part time and earns less as the secondary breadwinner than the husband.
  • Husband- the major bread winner. The one that works fulltime, makes the most money, makes all the decisions for the family. The one that comes home expecting a meal on the table after working all day, expects the woman to sexually pleasure him on demand, and expects to be basically waited on by the wife.

Personally I envision (in my opinion), that when a couple agree to live the lifestyle of a Female led Marriage they basically agree to reverse the roles. Of course there are many different levels as how far/extreme you can take this and that is all personal preference.

Female Led Marriage vs Femdom Led Marriage

The above term as far as Femdom Led Marriage might not be a “correct” term but for me I wanted to distinguish at least for me, that in my mind, there are indeed two different types of Female Led Marriages. For me, the Female Led Marriage is basically the couple swapping traditional roles for the most part and they have various levels of course. Here in my opinion the man still also has a say and is treated with equal respect on decisions but the wife has the majority say in things or disagreements are negotiated to a mutual resolution. Both parties focus on making each other happy and the wife is leading more because she just has more of a dominate personality.

Femdom Led Marriage to me is also the above but more extreme with absolute control of the female over the male. Everything is negotiated before hand to where once the boundaries of everything is agreed upon as far as how much control (Whether it will be total power exchange or limited in some areas), outside of the agreed upon restrictions negotiation no longer exist and decisions are made entirely with what will benefit the female with little to no regards to the male.

The female cares for herself more than the male, she is selfish, wants nothing to do with domestic duties and wants her submissive male to take care of these. She sets herself up on a pedestal to be worshipped by her submissive man, she is confident. Although she does love her male submissive and wants to share her life with him, her main desire is for her man to serve her as her slave taking away all unwanted duties, task, she may find unpleasant and for him to look up to her as a “Goddess” and to be obedient to all her wishes and love, respect and adore her.

Reason for Submission

There are so may reasons I believe why a man would want to submit to a woman from just pure love and admiration for the woman to just kink or both. For me with my Goddess/Wife it is a combination of both.

Remember these are MY reasons, its not a list of standard reasons for all, everyone is different. I respect whatever reason one may desire this. So here goes, and its not in any order of importance;

As far as Her

  1. I love my Goddess/Wife very much
  2. I admire & respect her
  3. I gain happiness through making her happy
  4. When I look at her, she defines the words, love, caring, attractive, beautiful and sexy
  5. I am in continuous amazement of her caring heart
  6. She is smart
  7. She is very feminine
  8. If I had to describe what a Goddess looks like or what type of person she would be, I would describe my Goddess/Wife.
  9. I understand nobody is perfect but She is perfect for me!
  10. I love, admire, respect her more than anyone in the world! Did I mention that? 🙂

As far as me

  1. Ever since I can remember I have always had the desire to submit to a beautiful woman
  2. I like to let go and not have the added stress of making most decisions. I do however (and we have agreed on this which all should) want to be involved in the big, important decisions that can affect others.
  3. I have a very imaginative mind
  4. I find housework, crazy as it sounds, relaxing and fulfilling
  5. I love cooking
  6. I feel like I am very lucking to have my Goddess/wife in my life
  7. I get bored easy
  8. I desire to be as close to my Goddess/Wife as possible and this lifestyle enhances closeness.
  9. I don’t want to fail her in anyway and by her making the decisions I know the chances of failure are minimal
  10. I have always felt more like I wanted to be a follower rather than a leader. However if and when needed I can be a very good strong leader if needed.

 

Needs

Here I believe is one of the most important vital aspects of any relationship whether it be a vanilla, Femdom, Female led or whatever. The needs of both (I cannot stress the word “BOTH” enough) have to be met for both parties to be happy. In most loving relationships I think the most important thing is to make the other party feel loved, desired, respected, and needed. For my Goddess/Wife I think that is 90% of her needs. In a alternative relationship like we have chosen, the other need in my opinion is a non-judgmental open mind for things that are not vanilla. My Goddess/Wife’s needs I think are very much simple and in line with most needs of every woman in a relationship.

  1. She needs to feel like she is loved always
  2. She needs to feel desired always
  3. She needs to feel she has my support always
  4. She needs to feel secure I will never go anywhere and not ever leave her
  5. Feeling sexually fulfilled
  6. This one however is in line with our agreement, she needs to feel secure in knowing she really is in charge and she needs my obedience willingly

Everyone has different “triggers” that make them feel a certain way and mine however are unconventional but probably common with most men that desire the lifestyle as a slave/submissive.

My list of needs however are more extensive, more non-traditional, however most all designed to ensure my obedience with her. But hers are a lot less time consuming and task oriented. Hers mostly in my opinion focus more on my mental state towards me and more dealing with her open mindedness and state of mind/attitude.

  1. I need her to be consistent
  2. I need her to actually not only make me feel controlled but CONTROL ME!
  3. I need her to be the leader and TAKE CHARGE!
  4. Quit asking me what I want and make decisions for us and for me. Tell me what to do, not ask. Make decisions in what SHE wants!
  5. When she tells me to do something, expect it to be done, no questions.
  6. I need her to hold me accountable like a parent would a child. If I do something wrong, PUNISH ME ALWAYS never allowing any transgressions to slide.
  7. I need her non-judgmental support and open mindedness and willful participation in things that keep me in the mindset of being submissive and being a lessor to her. Here is where the non-vanilla aspect falls in line with my imaginative mind but all these things help immensely with my mindset.  Such as
  • Keeping me in panties 24/7.
  • Incorporating other clothing and being pro-active and lay them out for me and having me wear them such as women’s jeans, bra’s, hose and or whatever she may think of in addition as much as possible
  • Constant verbal reminder to me of my place beneath her (light humiliation/light verbal degradation)
  • Referring to me as her wife whenever she can
  • Calling me my given female name she gave me as much as possible and also  referring to me as she, her, girl, woman
  • Being dominant sexually
  • Denying me the pleasures of orgasm’s and cumming
  • Chastity as much as possible

 

Views of the Femdom Marriage (my view, her view)

My reality of this lifestyle of course is not much different than the fantasies I have of one. But my reality I believe is obtainable to meet 95% of my fantasies. There are only a few things we have restricted from our “power exchange” which we have agreed to mutually agree on such as decisions dealing with kids and money/major purchases. There are a couple things off limits that I am adamant about that she doesn’t like but once again, I am not willing to sway on so before we started we agreed on all these areas.

Ok, now that I got all this out of the way on what I believe in difference in Female Led/Femdom relationships and needs and roles the real reason for this writing is my Goddess/Wife has tasked me with the very difficult assignment of writing how I think she views a Female Led/Femdom Marriage. I think our views are real close however our views on how to do it differ quite a lot. I need constant reminders of my place beneath her which I think differs from her needs and desires.

My view

My view and what I would love to see in day to day life is her complete (well 95% at least) control over me. Most every day since the stuff we agreed to disagree upon before we officially started happen often, she would have 100% control.

  • She would pick out my clothing each and everyday that I wear.
  • If I go somewhere and do something I would have to ask permission like a child would with their parents.
  • Like a child I would also know and be confident if I do not listen and do as told, or I fail to do a task there will be consequences and I will be punished without fail and no transgressions would ever slide.
  • She would expect me to take care of all domestic duties and a clean house at all times.
  • She would see herself as superior to me and treat me as a lessor and refer to me as my fem name Marcy when possible and make me wear fem clothes as much as possible.
  • She would offer up constant daily reminders to me that I am her sissy wife/slave bitch and my only job is to please and serve her.
  • She would make all decisions for us, telling me them and not asking.
  • She would demand me to pleasure her often sexually with no regards to my sexual satisfaction while keeping me chaste and denying me any release except on special occasions where she is feeling generous.
  • Each night she would demand me to be on my knees before her and thank her for allowing me the privilege of serving her.

Her view (in my opinion)

My Goddess/Wife asked me to write on how I think she views the lifestyle. I really am hesitant doing this as we are still growing in the lifestyle and I think she will take my opinions wrong or twist them and take things as a personal dig against her. I do NOT mean anything negative as to I fully understand and accept that I have desired this all my life and she has only been exposed to it a few years. I also understand that there are areas where she is very hesitant due to my personality traits and also her coming from a previous marriage where her X was a complete abusive, dominating asshole. In my opinion it showed great strength on her part to get out of it and leave. Today she is so much different then the person I first met! She has grown to be a strong woman but unfortunately is still haunted by some past experiences.

In my opinion she has all the tools and desires to be that Dominant woman we BOTH strive for her to be and eventually I do think she will reach that point. She says our desires are both in line with each other. She wants to be in 100% control. She wants to hold me accountable and discipline me for my transgressions. I believe her 100%! I also however believe she has a huge hump to get over to make all this happen and forget the past and also put complete trust in me that I also desire all this and just DO IT!

I think she views the lifestyle pretty much the same as me.

She is to be the one in charge and make decisions.

  • I am the one to be responsible for all domestic duties.
  • I am there to serve her.
  • She believes that her sexual pleasures and satisfaction are what’s most important  between us, while denying me mine and keeping me chaste.
  • She desires my worship often to raise her up on a pedestal.

Views with Training/Discipline/Consistency/Kink

Now to the difficult areas. I have tried to explain to her that although I desire all these things and desire to serve her, I am also not a doormat. Sure there might be people out there that will submit to every whim of another never questioning their orders, that’s not me.

I often will not want to do everything I’m told  to do (because I am my own person and not a door matt) or I will often fail to do what is required of me (because I am human). Most every time its not on purpose, but just out of stubbornness or laziness.

  • When I fail to do these things, I wish her to hold me accountable with REAL punishment/training.

Sure, I am a masochist a little, I like to be lightly spanked when we, as we call it, “Play” but I do NOT like real pain. Bending me over something and spanking me for real with real hard swats would NOT be pleasurable and it would hurt and serve as what I call REAL punishment and put a powerful reminder/trigger in my mind to NOT reoffend also reinforcing my place as her slave beneath her. This is not however to feed my masochist side because of the fact I won’t enjoy it. This however is to train me and make me be a better slave to her.

She says she does understand the concept and why I desire this aspect however I think she is afraid I would retaliate in some way (which I keep telling her I wont) and just doesn’t feel that it is necessary and not worth the effort on her part to be consistent on it. I feel also it just also isn’t as important to her as it is to me. To me, any let down or disobedience on my part is a huge deal to me so EVERY transgression NEEDS to be addressed. I think it is one of the most (if not the most) important aspects of a Femdom Marriage and yes, I understand I am an adult, and in a “vanilla” lifestyle it doesn’t happen,  but we have decided not to live vanilla.

We, even as adults are held accountable everyday in everything we do. You break the law, you go to jail. You screw up at work, you get fired. I guess the way I feel here is, if I fail or disobey and I’m not held accountable than is anyone really in charge? the answer is quite simply no.

  • I agree with her and understand in one thing as far as discipline. At times I have a short temper and I can be really stubborn and fly off the handle. She says that she is afraid if she were to discipline me that I would fly of the handle and get mad at her. Is this a possibility? Doubtful, but I do not think that will happen and I ask her to trust me. I do NOT think it is fair to judge me of something before it happens.
  • Although I think she believes me, I think she has hopes the my total obedience no matter what it is, will just naturally happen with no effort on her part. I have told her from the very beginning its a two way road and effort is vital on both sides, not just one side.
  • A lot of times I get the impression it could also just be out of pure laziness on her part that she doesn’t follow up on holding me accountable and or she has a million excuses of why holding me accountable for transgressions is needed or possible to do at the time.
  • Another area is Kinky play, I enjoy it, desire it, think about it often and its important to me. She enjoys it yes, but we rarely play. I think here our differences in importance are a long ways apart. I love her to tie me down and spank me in an enjoyable way to where the pain is minimal and sexually dominate me while verbally degrading me. I think she enjoys it sometimes but rarely. To me it just doesn’t seem that important to her. Plus I don’t think she thinks she is very god at it but she truly is AMAZING at it!
  • As far as clothing such as panties/bras/hose etc. I don’t think she understands the powerful mental effects it has on me. Hell, I don’t understand it at times except all I can say is that when a male wears them it is opposite of being masculine if that makes sense and offsets the “manly” feeling and makes me feel tons more submissive. At first she was very skeptical and hesitant on having me wear panties everyday but now it has just become a norm to her but helps me stay in the mindset. To sum this area of kink up I would say
    • Masculinity in a male to me equals being in charge and dominant and being the leader who makes all the decisions
    • Being Masculine does NOT equal being submissive
    • Wearing women’s undergarments is the opposite of Masculinity

To sum it all up

I don’t think we are far apart as to what the end results are as far as her the one being in charge and me being obedient at all times. I however believe we have our differences on how to get to that goal and how we should be living it 24/7. I also believe the lifestyle is more important to me than her and the amount of effort that we both need to apply to reach our goal is somewhat different. I think she thinks since I am an adult that no discipline is necessary and that I should just comply with her at all times and be obedient.

Overall so far I am happy in the level we have obtained so far and fully understand and accept that each day offers up new opportunities at learning about the lifestyle and each other while growing in it. However each day also offers up new challenges and frustrations.

I may be 100% wrong here but in my opinion my analogy is this. If you were to picture a mountain and the left side represents the desire of the lifestyle and the other side total acceptance of it in every aspect, she is at the peak of it just to the left and I am on the right with my hand extended reaching out to her wanting her to just get past that final hurdle whatever it is inside her head to fully accept and live it 24/7 and fully embrace herself as the leader and dominant one and view me as her lessor slave, there to serve & pleasure her at her beckon call.

I feel I am ready 100% to take that final plunge into submission to her. I know and 100% believe how lucky I am to serve her and be in her presence everyday. I am married to the most amazing, sexy, beautiful, kind hearted woman alive and I am 100% confident of this. Until she can believe all the above and trust that I want this 100% that last hurdle cannot be done, however it will someday!

I welcome would like comments as long as they are polite and respectful keeping in mind we all have our differences in opinions and we are all different and these are MY opinions only. 

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Denied & Caged

It’s been a while since I have written. Summer is here and life sometimes gets busy unfortunately and at times we don’t always have time to do everything we want. But one thing that never waivers is my love and admiration for my Goddess. My desire to serve her never diminishes even when we are in disagreement on somethings.

We are still trying to fight through things within the lifestyle that most people would never understand unless they are also involved within it. Consistency is at times challenged due to life’s events that go happen but we are both determined to make this work and hopefully we will get to the point that everything we have agreed upon becomes the “normal” for us.

So in my past writings I have written about denial & chastity, in my opinion, two very important aspects of a femdom marriage, TPE, FLR whatever you wish to call it. One thing also was on effects of male orgasms, the chemicals released within your brain after one and how it effects the male in how one acts after. I’m sure it has different or no effects on different people however after researching it, I became a believer in what I had learned, because I DO suffer from the effects and have noticed it before I even researched it.

When I orgasm unfortunately I lose ALL desires and feelings of submissiveness for at least 24 hours before it even starts to come back to me. It usually takes nearly a week for the strong desire and feeling to come back. But what’s worse is, for a couple days I feel the lifestyle in whole is stupid and that myself is stupid for submitting to a woman and I start lashing out at my Goddess and being mean and asserting my dominance which isn’t at all what I want.

We both talked for a long time and decided to try something different. We had read about ruined orgasms and that it diminishes the feelings in males that I described above due to it limits the chemical releases in ones brain. We tried this for the whole year of 2016 and I only experienced about 3 full orgasms the whole year however she would allow me to cum with a ruined orgasm once every two weeks. When I did this I would cum on my goddess’s belly then clean it up with my tongue and swallow it. Yes, for a full year I did this but it only diminished the effects to a minimal level. I still would lose most of my desire to be submissive and be an ass to my Goddess (and I hate that and its the last thing I want to do) but not as long, so in December of 2016 we talked again and came to a different resolution.

As of January 1, 2017 we agreed I am no longer allowed to cum except for special occasions. I am to please her with my tongue whenever she wishes and often. We bought a large dildo that is about 1.5 times bigger than me that we use often. I also bought a strap-on that I wear and please her with for intimacy purposes. All these things as far as I know and from what she says keeps her sexually satisfied even more than before.

Because my Goddess is so kindhearted we also agreed that before we do anything intimate I am to lock my cock up and leave the key in the bathroom due to if I start begging to cum or be inside her she gives in. This has worked great! I don’t beg or even ask because by the time I were to even get up and remove the chastity cage the mood is sunk.

So today is June 21, 2017 and my birthday was this month. Until my birthday the last time I have came was December 2016. (I know most wont believe that including my Goddess, but it is the truth) My Goddess allowed me the pleasure of finally cumming. I honestly figured she would at that time and was pleased when she said I could that night. The disappointing thing although was she denied me a full orgasm, only ruined and yes, she made me clean it up with my tongue. I actually was shocked she was firm on denying me that and what she said when I asked. Her words exactly when I asked was “No, do you think I want you being a dick to me for the next week?” I knew she was right so I took what I could and went with it. I honestly had forgotten how good she felt inside due to it had been nearly 6 months since I had been inside her. When I first entered her it felt like heaven but was short lived due to it being so long. I think I got maybe a half dozen strokes before I felt it build up and had to withdraw and cum with no more stimulation.

We also agreed that when I am home alone or home without her I will wear the cage at all times. Believe it or not, this is something I wanted also. When I am home alone the thought of masturbating is at times overwhelming if I do not have it on. Trust me, I want to cum, I want to explode big time but I also love the denial aspect but I also know if I cum I will be overwhelmed with guilt plus be a dick to her and I don’t want that so I prefer to wear the cage to prevent me from doing that.

So as far as the chastity cage goes, it is a huge help to me psychologically. When its not on the temptation to masturbate is so strong. When I have it on, there is no way I can stimulate myself. I have tried just to see. It’s pointless. I cant feel nothing through the cage and I know this hence the results I know I can’t masturbate which takes away all the questioning of whether I should or shouldn’t. I know I cant, period.

Yes, I love the denial and control but I would be a liar if I didn’t say I miss having orgasms and I do want to cum, but the alternative if I do is me being a dick and for some reason I cant control that aspect so in order to serve her better and be closer to her I forego them.

I love my Goddess more than anything in this world and think she is the most amazing, sexy woman I have ever met and feel like I am the luckiest man alive to be married to her and serve her!

I love you my Goddess

your slave always

m

 

Punishment for Correction

Although I consider myself a slave and strive very hard for what I feel is the perfect life in serving my Goddess, I myself refuse to be walked on or taken advantage of in any way by anyone including my Goddess. However if I am in the wrong, and I am 100% confident I am and will be often then I deserve to be held accountable by my Goddess. This leads me to the following, Is corporal punishment a necessity, kink, abuse or even necessary at all in a M/s or D/s relationship

First I would like to touch upon the people that say that you shouldn’t have to punish in a M/s relationship dynamic. Their logic I always read is that since slavery today is unlawful and the people that have chosen to be in a M/s relationship as a slave is consensual hence if he as a slave doesn’t do what he is told of fulfill the wishes of his Dominant then he really must not want this type of relationship or want to serve. He should do everything willingly without regards to his own wishes no matter if he wants to or not. To me, this isn’t a slave or submissive or even a man, this is a doormat for dominants to walk all over and take advantage of.

I call 100% bullshit on that line of thinking. I’m guessing these are the same people letting their kids grow up without punishing them, allowing them to do what they want with no regards for respect of their elders or anyone else. Or they were the ones brought up like that and never experienced a good paddling on the ass and the reminder and fear it puts in your mind that you will do anything and everything to avoid getting another, which means doing what your told at all times and showing due respect to those who are worthy.

To me, being a slave to my Goddess is a lifestyle choice that brings us much closer and is very special and makes both her and I much happier and yes, I do it voluntarily due to it is what I desire. All of this results in us having what 99% of vanilla couples don’t have, closeness, trust, a more organized family life due to roles and duties being more defined and truly has cut down on probably 95% of any arguing between us due to our own clear defined roles. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a voice or opinion in things because if we disagree on something I’m very passionate about we have agreed to disagree, but due to the fact we have been together for 10 years, she already knows our differences. Which goes to show, even though I am the slave and have welcomed that position openly, I am no doormat either. There is a difference between serving and being obedient vs being a doormat.

So, is punishment a necessity in a 24/7 M/s relationship? Hell yes! 100% Yes! It not only is a necessity it is one of the most (in my humble opinion) important parts of a foundation a true M/s relationship should be built upon. Without punishment a true M/s relationship is not even close to possible it is nothing more than play acting.

First, there are certain aspects and traits a couple must have to enter into a true 24/7 M/s loving consensual relationship that will last forever.

  1. Above and beyond everything TRUST!
  2. Open communication without judgement
  3. Clearly defined roles as far as who is in charge and who is the slave
  4. The strong desire, motivation and commitment to the lifestyle
  5. Defined rules and expectations agreed upon from each other
  6. Clear vision of where the M/s relationship needs to go

There are certain things I as a slave desire with all my heart from my Goddess which in my mind clearly defines my idea of the perfect life as a slave.

  1. Above and beyond anything, control!
  2. Understanding
  3. Openness to new ideas
  4. Support
  5. Respect, yes respect. I might be her slave but I am still human and all humans deserve some form of respect
  6. Consistency & Direction
  7. Being held accountable for my actions with Discipline/Punishment
  8. Clearly defined expectations
  9. Clearly defined rules
  10. Her love and loyalty

I think my Goddess have a very good idea of who I am inside me and how I think and process everything in life therefore I trust her to make decisions over me and have handed over to her all authority over me. But, this agreement is between her and I only and not her and I and any third party whether it be friend or family. I look for her to take control of me 100% and give direction to me in our day to day lives and honestly as a comparison it’s almost in many ways like the relationship between a parent and their child. One thing I do take serious is my commitment and the different aspects of the lifestyle we have agreed to. Without CONTROL there is no M/s lifestyle and without being held accountable for misdeeds by utilizing PUNISHMENT there is no CONTROL hence resulting in nothing more than play acting.

As a child I was spanked, and spanked a lot, but one thing spankings taught me is that I never reoffended again the same transgressions. Spanking puts fear inside a person and it really believe it doesn’t matter what age you are, nobody likes a real punishment spanking. I know there are masochist out there that might enjoy them and I admit I am a masochist to a certain extent but that certain extent is mild and I mean very mild. The idea of being spanked does turn me on and my Goddess has done it but after 2 or 3 swats it just isn’t a turn on anymore, it simply hurts and is not enjoyable in any way.

One of my goals as her slave is to continually grow in my service to her and if I screw up, disobey, show her disrespect in any way or simply fail to follow her direction I expect to be punished. After all its what we agreed on also! I have no desire to receive a spanking, but if deserved I expect it. I expect her to turn me over her knee and administer punishment and do it without regard of me begging to stop because it hurts or feeling sorry for me. I do expect her to administer a good amount of swats not just a couple two or three, but to administer a good spanking that would cause me great pain making my eyes water or tear up. The effects of a good spanking are very strong psychologically at least for me.

Why do I desire this?

  1. It shows she gives a damn about me, that’s why!
  2. It shows she cares about my desire to serve her.
  3. It shows that she cares about helping me become a better slave so that I can serve her better.
  4. It shows that she not only has the same desire to control me but she DOES control me.
  5. It shows her power over me.
  6. It demands my respect in her power.
  7. It instills fear inside me which results in me not committing the same transgressions.
  8. I get to express my feelings of regret and being sorry in humility
  9. She gets to release her feelings of frustrations and anger towards me
  10. Once punished its over and we BOTH move on from the transgression without harboring any ill feeling towards each other

There are plenty forms of punishment that a dominant can administer other than just spankings and you can find all types of suggestions online line which many I think are just pure stupid or just a kink someone wants to fulfill. Punishment is really anything one might find unpleasant so it really could be anything. What one might find unpleasant the next might enjoy. For me I guess after looking at many list the ones I would consider realistic punishments would include the following.

  1. Spankings
  2. Mouth washing
  3. Being locked up in my cage for a specific amount of time while everyone is up and doing things or while they go somewhere fun
  4. Being ordered to my knees, told to shut up and lectured and then made to apologize
  5. Corner time alone
  6. A quick slap across the face if alone
  7. Restriction in something I enjoy
  8. Extra chores
  9. Being locked up in my chastity cage for a prolonged time and not being able to ask or know how long
  10. Being locked in my cage over night in a different room.

Punishment is one aspect of a loving M/s relationship I think is a difficult area to enforce for many reasons. The Dominant often looks at it as “hurting” their partner/slave and we have been conditioned in society to try to never hurt someone. I view it as the Dominant loving the slave and caring enough to implement it to make their goals be successful and an additional benefit of reinforcing their roles as Goddess/Dominant and slave. Another area that is touchy is will the slave harbor ill feelings towards the Dominant for the punishment. The answer here is NO, the slave knew going in the results of transgressions and has agreed to them and also desires correction.

I believe where there is a will there is a way in any situation to where a slave can be punished and when a Dominant  fails to fulfill their agreement to punish or make excuses on why they didn’t punish is doing nothing but harm to the whole M/s dynamic. It shows the slave they can pretty much do whatever they want whenever they want and there will be no consequences. The slave may view it as a lack of caring and or love for their agreement to live a M/s life or worse yet, weakness in the person whom he most looks up to and adores and looks towards for direction. And it shows no sense of Control in the slaves mind and after all, isn’t that what the whole purpose is of a M/s relationship dynamic and what the slave desires the most? CONTROL from his GODDESS!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Controlling Your Slave With Denial

As a male slave the one thing I love is the overwhelming feel of being submissive to my Goddess and always looking up to her as a follower. Until I got into this lifestyle I never gave on thought to the after effects of having an orgasm. I just knew they felt great and I wanted to experience as many as I could.

As time goes by and relationships grow we all experience change. Change in the ways we do things and or think. One thing that has changed inside of me is curiosity, curiosity of why people think like they do, why do I desire and think the way I do. How different things affect people differently and I have become somewhat obsessed in finding answers.

One thing I was always curious about is the 100% turnaround of how I view things and what I desire after having a orgasm. I think for most people they do not even notice due to be vanilla. But when you have desires to be a certain way or have certain things done to you that are not vanilla it really isn’t hard to notice. Notice I did.

My desire to be at my Goddess’s feet serving and worshipping her each day is so strong within me, the desire to make her happy, give her pleasure and be obedient. I do NOT ever want to lose that, ever. My Goddess is the most amazing, sexy, beautiful woman alive in my eyes. But………….I was losing that desire at times, for days and I hated it. After reading some articles online one day it hit me like a lead balloon and I put 2 and 2 together and figured out the reason why this was happening! ORAGSMS!

This truly is not a myth or just a kink or whatever you want to call it. It is real! To use a ridiculous analogy but say if you have this burning desire inside you for a week to eat pizza and drink beer. You have sex and orgasm. I had no clue that orgasm you just had releases countless chemicals inside your brain that that changes everything. Remember that pizza and beer you have had a burning desire for all week? You no longer want it! In fact you are so against it you are going to go out of your way to prove you don’t want it.

The same thing happens within me when I have an orgasm. My first thought after is ME MAN!!! I simply do NOT want to be submissive. I do NOT want to be obedient. I do NOT want to look up to my goddess or worship her, in fact I find the thought of it ridiculous. How stupid am I to desire these things, I’m better, stronger, smarter than her. I’m a MAN! I’ll show her! These are honestly the things I think and to be honest, I know for sure I act like a total stubborn ass for a few days after until that desire slowly creeps back in that usually takes 2-5 days for those chemicals that were released to wear off. I do NOT like being that way, it just isn’t me! I love my Goddess more than anything in this world and always want to submit and look up to this amazing, sexy, beautiful woman I have been so blessed to be with. So the question that I pondered for a long time was, “how do I keep this feeling 24/7?” The answer unfortunately is only one way, orgasm denial.

I simply just don’t have orgasms anymore and it not only keeps me in my submissive mindset 24/7 but another side effect out of it is that it greatly increased my desire to please my goddess in all ways, domestically and sexually. Now when intimate with her although the physical urge will always be there I just think about her pleasure, I enjoy listening to her have orgasm after orgasm and those strong physical urges for my own release have now been replaced with feelings of pride and happiness because I know the most amazing woman that is laying beside me that has so graciously allowed me to pleasure her is 100% sexually satisfied and happy and that’s all I care about.

Does it suck not having orgasms? Do I want to have them? Do I miss having them? YES, HELL YES, and OMG HELL YES! This is a huge part of me, myself and my pleasure that I have given up for my Goddess. I seriously do NOT think she even understands how big this is. I think she just thinks its some weird kink I have, but it isn’t. Thank god for will power because there isn’t a day that I do not think about masturbating. But I do not because in my mind, it would be deceitful and dishonest and that just isn’t me. Our marriage and the special relationship we have is built on trust and not lies or deceit.

With having a very vivid imaginative mind my dreams while sleeping are very real and I honestly dream of my Goddess every night in some way, but I do know when I wake up every morning I am hard as hell and horny.  Mornings are hard for me, all I want to do is find release and shoot my cum out in full force. Some mornings the feeling is so strong I feel like I could hump anything just to get that feeling of relief by cumming. I however do know if I were to beg hard enough or even stoop as low as using a guilt trip she more than likely would give in and allow me to cum. My hope is that for now on before I pleasure her in bed she will always make me lock my cock up in a chastity cage (which takes a lot of the stress off her in not having to say no) and stay strong and always deny me which in my opinion is best for our relationship.

Here is the technical explanation that happens when we orgasm. I highly recommend this reading, it is not only very interesting but also very informative! I had no clue!

Dominate his Brain Chemicals by Controlling his Orgasms

Male orgasm denial has numerous benefits, but do you know the chemical reasoning behind them? Endorphins, hormones, neurotransmitters, and neurochemicals affect how we all think and feel. By controlling your mans orgasms, you can control their brain chemicals and condition them.

What are Endorphins?

Endorphins are a group of hormones that influence emotions and minimize the sensation of pain. They attach to opiate receptors, mostly in the brain. Pain and stress most typically influence endorphins to be released. They operate similarly to codeine and morphine… Scandalous!

Women Can Enjoy Blissful Daily Orgasms – But Men Need To Be Denied

It’s true, Orgasms affect men and women “Differently”.

It is empowering to know that you can relish multiple orgasms on a daily basis while withholding them from your Virile Lover. Knowing there are hormonal reasons behind the science, (making him stronger and healthier), is just icing on the cake!

Endorphins and Other Chemicals That Control The Brain and Motivation

1. Endorphins: Natural painkillers that are extremely more potent than morphine, producing feelings of euphoria.

2.  Oxytocin, The Love, Cuddle and Bonding Hormone: Decreases abstract craving, diminishes stress, keeps couples together, provokes passion, devotion, attachment and deep feelings of fondness, strengthens sexual receptivity. Normal/Raised Levels of Oxytocin: Devotion, a feeling of being connected, feeling protective and responsible, health benefits (reduces blood pressure and speeds up wound healing), intense feeling of attachment, increases sexual alertness, less addictions and cravings, positive viewpoint and attentiveness.

Low Levels of Oxytocin: Depression, low sex drive, reduced, indifferent or no feelings of attachment, connection or devotion, poor or no feelings of protection and responsibility for another person, weakened immune system.

3. Dopamine, The “I have to have it” Neurochemical: Normal/Slightly Raised Levels of Dopamine: Generates feelings of happiness, healthy sex drive, joy in completing tasks, motivated, optimistic outlook, positive feelings toward others, rational decisions, yearning to bond with others. Low Levels of Dopamine: Ambitionless, despair, displeasure, idleness, impaired judgement, low sex drive, remorseless of own behavior, social anxiety, unable to feel love.

4. Serotonin (a neurotransmitter): Too Much Serotonin: Anxiety, gastrointestinal disorders, insomnia, sexual malfunction. Not Enough Serotonin: Decrease or increase in appetite, insomnia, isolation, loss of libido, low self confidence, ongoing sadness, over sensitive, sore joints and muscles, stomach pain.

5. Testosterone (a hormone): Low Testosterone: Anger, decreased motivation and self esteem, decreased muscle mass and increased body fat, depression, difficulty with concentration and memory, fatigue, low sex drive, irritability.

6. Prolactin (a hormone): After orgasm, it may make one feel sexually satisfied and repress dopamine. Excess Levels of Prolactin: Depression, diminished interest in bonding with others, lowered testosterone levels, low sex drive, depression, infertility, irritability, lethargy, pessimistic outlook, weight gain…

This is how it works:

Men experience a rush of dopamine during orgasm that puts them in a state of ecstasy. However, in most men, the blissful feeling disappears after 5-10 seconds. Interestingly, the surge of dopamine triggers an almost simultaneous burst of prolactin that causes dopamine levels to plummet. The result is a dopamine level that is much lower than it was before sexual arousal began. In addition, an above normal level of prolactin continues for up to two weeks.

Woman receive a peak in dopamine during orgasm, but (unlike in males) it doesn’t crash drastically; rather, it subsides in a gradual sequence of steps. Prolactin also increases to a level slightly above normal (upon feminine climax) – staying there briefly while dopamine levels gently return to their normal levels. Another recent discovery is that Women’s dopamine levels vary throughout the month based on their menstrual cycle.

You may be wondering what all this means. It means that…

1. Male Orgasms Are Addicting:

Have you wondered if there were any truth to it?

Well, male ejaculations can definitely be addicting due to dopamine, the “I have to have it” neurochemical. When comparing brain scans, Gurt Hoistege, a Dutch Scientist found an astounding resemblance of male orgasm to shooting heroin. After they researched rats, scientists in Mexico City pointed out that repeated ejaculations can very closely imitate the effects of abusing drugs.

2. Men Experience a Post-Orgasm Hangover:

After orgasm, men experience a hormonal hangover similar to an opiate or cocaine withdrawal due to low dopamine and high prolactin. Dopamine levels fall while prolactin levels rise after orgasm and after stopping an opiate or cocaine. It takes two weeks for prolactin levels to normalize after stopping cocaine.

During a post-orgasm “hormonal hangover,” men may look for new highs, such as drinking alcohol – eating sweets – new sex partners – porn – and drugs, to boost their dopamine levels. They may also feel disconnected from their partner, experience depression, or become lethargic.

When dopamine levels are constantly bursting up and plummeting down due to uncontrolled orgasms, it can wreak havoc on relationships. Your relationships could feel like a never-ending roller coaster ride full of highs and lows with no middle ground.

3. Too Many Orgasm Lead Him To Cheat:

In any case, long before our time, humans knew that men cheated on their wives because they were not as appealing after sex! Once again, dopamine is the chemical responsible for men choosing to act in a way we ladies don’t like.

Scientists found that after male rats partake in a frenzy of sexual intercourse, they will lose interest in that female. However, if a new female comes along, the male will have sex with her. They linked the phenomena of mate fatigue to dopamine. When a male rat has intercourse repeatedly with the same female, dopamine levels continue to drop. When a fresh potential mate arrives, a surge of dopamine follows.

So, to keep your men feeling you are the most beautiful woman on earth with a World Class “Sacred” Vagina, you must harness and resolutely control their orgasms!

4. Repeated Orgasms Decrease His Sex Desire:

Male rats also experience a decrease in testosterone receptor for up to seven days within their reward circuit. Hormones, such as testosterone, and neurochemicals dock on the nerve cells, along with receptors. In this instance, fewer receptors equals less reactivity to circulating testosterone. As a result, the reward system releases less dopamine.

The first problem is that low testosterone, or a reduced sensitivity to it, can cause anger and irritation. No woman wants to give a man an orgasm and then receive annoyance in return!

Not only that, you don’t want to “Allow” your man to Ejaculate if the undesirable psychological result is a lowered sex drive. This brings us to the second problem, which is the fact that endorphin and serotonin levels go up in the reward system of the sexually satisfied rats. Endorphins and serotonin are both neurochemicals that can produce happiness, but when they are in this part of the limbic system, they bring things to a stop rather than only generating good feelings. Think of it this way: Antidepressants, such as Zoloft, Prozac and Lexapro, that increase serotonin and narcotics, such as Vicodin, Percocet and Methadone that imitate endorphins, can cause sexual side effects. When neurochemicals diminish the reward circuit for a period of time, complications in your intimate relationship, both physically and emotionally, can and will occur.

If you want your guy to have a low sex drive for several days to a week, allow them to have orgasms whenever they chooses – or encourage them to take an antidepressant or opiate! If you just thought or yelled, hell no, then we’re on the same page.

5. Uncontrolled Orgasms Make Him Fall Out of Love:

Due to a dopamine drop and prolactin burst after orgasm, “eventually a man can develop feelings of indifference or slight repulsion for his sexual partner,” according to Taoist Secrets of Love by, Mantak Chia.

Oxytocin is the chemical that keeps love alive, and Ladies can magically increase this baseline oxytocin level in their lives by cuddling, hugging, holding hands, massaging as well as sexually “Edging” their males…

The Cure is Simple

The cure for the chemical chaos that uncontrolled orgasms produce in males is simple: The Cure is Orgasm Denial…

How I envision a Goddess or Mistress

When referring to a Goddess or Mistress people typically use either descriptions of women interchangeably as if they are one in the same but there really is a difference.

A “Goddess” is a woman who holds such high esteem that she is deserving of worship from males. A Goddess has complete control over every aspect of the male being, including his chastity. Males must treat females and their bodies as wholly sacred and must worship the Goddess in any way she sees fit, including worship of specific areas of her body such as her feet.

Now that we got the definition out of the way, close your eyes and envision what you think a Goddess would look like?

When I close my eyes and envision what my perfect Goddess would look like, I see only one vision of one person always, my wife. No one person is going to envision the exact vision of what a Goddess looks like it is purely subjective. When I envision my Goddess its my wife and she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. When I close my eyes and envision her in my favorite way, it really isn’t anything kinky or unnatural its just her sitting above me while I am on my knees before her. She is wearing a beautiful dress that comes down to just above her knees, she is wearing pantyhose and heels. She is smiling down at me as I look up into her eyes and I feel so loved. I feel truly blessed to even be in her presence before her. I feel like the luckiest man in the world because she has chosen me to be with and nobody else. I feel like I can never get enough of her nor be as close as I desire. I just want to climb inside her and be part of her. That’s how I envision a Goddess.

My Goddess if very feminine. She always acts like a perfect lady. She is always kind and warm. Her heart is big and she always see’s the good in everyone.

In my mind I think when someone has or desires a Goddess they should expect certain things out of her. For me, I do not think vanilla people would even understand my expectations/desires of my Goddess.

I have all the admiration and respect for her and to be honest, with someone as beautiful as her I expect and desire her to allow me to worship her in everyway. I want to be on my knees before her kissing her feet and or removing her shoes and I would expect her to feel worthy of my actions. I expect her to allow me to put her way up on a pedestal and welcome it because I, 100% believe she is worthy of it. I expect her to walk with self confidence each and every day and not worry about what anyone in this world thinks about her except only the ones she loves and cares for because nobody else matters. I desire and expect her to remind me frequently just how blessed I am to be with her, touch her, be intimate with her. for she has chosen me and I truly am blessed. I expect her to be strong and have a superior mindset over me and use the power she has to control me in every way and direct me through this crazy life. I desire and expect her control 24/7. I expect her to not only accept, but also demand my respect at all times and when I fail her in any way, I expect her to hold me accountable and punish me in some way and never letting my transgressions go unpunished.

You see, I do not think she is superior to me because she is a woman. I think she is superior to me because I hold her up above me so high on that pedestal. As much as I respect her, desire her, want to be one with her and think she is the most beautiful sexy woman to walk this earth all I desire is to be beneath her, worship her, submit to her power and welcome her complete control over me by enslaving me for eternity.

A “Mistress” is typically considered as a female owner of submissive men or women and slaves. Mistress is a title most often conferred upon Females who dominate others for their personal enjoyment, a display of power, for other personal gains.

To me a Mistress is an authoritative woman, one who is in control, strong, sexy but also has a hard edge to them. My Goddess/wife I proudly serve has the unique power to transform into what I envision as the perfect Mistress when she desires.

She stands tall in black leather and heels holding a whip. She is the sexiest woman alive. One aspect a Mistress lacks compared to a Goddess is the compassionate, warm, caring love. They want their orders followed without question and demand total obedience out of their submissive or slave. She has a direct way of communicating her wishes and expects respect. She is very sexual and demands pleasure out of her sub/slave and selfishly does not reciprocate.

When like this I know its all about her. I expect to be pleasuring her until she can no longer take anymore. I expect her to talk down to me as a lessor being. I expect her to give orders in a demanding way and expect them to be fulfilled right away and if I fail, I will be severely punished.

This is my first time writing about the difference between a Goddess and a Mistress and I am so glade I did because I actually learned something today! I have the best of both worlds! I serve not only a Goddess but also a Mistress and they are one in the same person, she is my wife, my best friend, my love of my life and the most amazing, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever met and I love her with all my heart. I truly am blessed!

 

 

Discipline Spankings

I found this on the internet and changed some wording as it was geared to DD relationships, but as short as it is I think it says a lot!

Spankings should never be carried out in front of children or given to children.  Domestic Discipline is an agreement between consenting adults only

Discipline spankings when you have family around you can be very difficult but are not impossible with a little care and thought.

It is important to discipline as soon as possible when one of your rules has been broken, a good Dominant has to show consistency or they will look weak and a wife will naturally take advantage of a weak Dominant.

Your First Punishment Spanking

From the moment you start living your alternative Lifestyle, you will start to see and feel the benefits of living a more structured lifestyle with rules, both partners will know what is expected of them and will work together to achieve their relationship goals. But sooner or later the time will come when one or more of the rules have been broken and a punishment spanking has to be given. This is something you should try and mentally prepare yourself for, because from this point forward, your relationship will be different forever that first Spanking will change the way both partners look view each other with one big bag of mixed emotions.

Your relationship will never be the same again after your first discipline spanking.

Dominant As the Dominant you will feel guilty you have just hurt the one you love, seeing him cry the first time after a spanking will be disturbing, never before will you have intentionally made him cry by raising a hand to him, all your life you will have been told you “YOU DO NOT HIT” now here you are spanking him for his own good.  Do not be tempted to say you are sorry, as the Dominant you have made the decision to punish him after he broke one of the rules that you both agreed on.  If you had not punished him you would have appeared to be weak and that is not what he is looking for, he is looking for a strong Dominant to guide him and help make him a better person.  Also, you will have to resist the urge to throw your arms around him saying you will never do this again, tell him you love him and remind him that you did what you had to do because you love him.

You will also feel empowered after your first spanking, there is nothing like the feeling of knowing he loves, trusts, respects you enough to bend over and allow you to pull his pants down then spank him behind because he has broken one of your agreed rules, lots of Dominants also find this very arousing, do not make the mistake of turning the spanking into a love making session.  Making love would only confuse both of you, this is a Punishment and not foreplay.  Do not look for any excuse to repeat the spanking as soon as you can, a good Dominant is always fair and only punishes when it is necessary and not for the sake of thier own pleasure.

Submissive / Slave What a big change in your life all of a sudden the woman who promised to look after you has just raised her hand to you and physically punished you, you have spent your childhood dreaming of a partner who may love, and take care of you and live happy ever after and now you find yourself crying with a sore bottom.  At first you will be shocked, how has this happened to you, why have you let this happen to you, all your childhood you have been taught that men and women are equal and you should never hit another person, what have you allowed this to happen to you, you are not a weak feeble person but a strong man.  Remember you are giving her the consent to spank you, if you had not broken the rules that you agreed with her she would not have had to discipline you.  It is for your own good, you achieve your own goals.

You will also feel so emotional & tearful, bursting into tears without really knowing why and that feeling of relief when suddenly a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders, life seems calmer, you are more relaxed and focused on what has to be done.  Also, you will feel guilt for disappointing your Dominant, you have let him down, forcing her to punish you, you can see the concern and mixed emotions in her face, had you behaved as you should he would not be feeling this way. Lots of men are also aroused by a spanking, that is not just heat in your bottom you feel, do not be ashamed by this, you are not some kind of freak that loves to be beaten for sexual pleasure, what you have just experienced is a very intimate thing between husband and wife, hold on to those feelings for later when you your Dominant is ready to comfort you and make love to you, it will be one of the most intense love making sessions you have ever had.