D. A. R. E. To be the “one”!

We all have our certain ways we live and in my opinion if two people are in agreement on whatever lifestyle they choose , it is not for me to judge whether it’s right or wrong.   As adults we all have the right to choose how we live and with whom and the best way in my opinion is to choose the lifestyle that best fits your personality and desires and works. We all have to understand what works for one person or couple might not be what works for the next person or couple.

Some couples choose to live the traditional roles of husband and wife where the man is in charge and the woman is the submissive partner who does all the domestic chores. Some people choose not to get married while some choose an alternative route. 

Whatever lifestyle we all choose however I think the most important thing to remember is that we must all live it to the best of our capabilities. Life at times isn’t always great, there are plenty of pitfalls and challenges we are faced with however it’s rare that we are ever faced with something that with effort can’t be overcome. 

I was fortunate in life that I met an amazing woman with a open mind that in my opinion has everything that I had put down on my mental checklist of  qualities I desire in a woman to marry. She’s smart, sexy, beautiful inside and out, faithful, fun to be with and she desires to be the one in charge. 

Although a lot of times we have desires and goals we are often held back from obtaining them out of fear, fear that we will fail, fear that we won’t meet our partners expectations, fear that it may be the wrong choice, fear how other people will react towards your decisions and desires. 

First thing I think we ALL have to remember that is a FACT. We ALL should put ourselves #1 on the list of priorities in our lives. If you don’t you are just living life for other people rather than yourself and you will never obtain the level of happiness we are capable of. 

When we are in a relationship we communicate with each other, we care for each other, and no matter what type of relationship or lifestyle we choose where it involves two people the one common desire we share is to make the other person happy. 

So what if you are married or in a relationship with another person and you two choose to live an alternative lifestyle of any kind and most importantly your goals, desires, choices all match up and you agree on everything? What now? YOU LIVE IT!

I think the worst thing you can do in life is to deny living the way you want to out of fear for anything. Your cheating yourself, your partner, and frankly all the people in your life because until you obtain that lifestyle you so desire you will never obtain that level of happiness you so desire, therefore if your not the happiest you can be and feel fulfilled in life it will affect the way you interact with people in a negative way. You not only let yourself down but you also let your partner and those around you down.

For me and my wife we have talked in great length on how we would like to live our lives together and that’s where she will be the one in charge, the decision maker, the Goddess whom I have agreed to be under. I will serve and worship her as her slave. I will take on all domestic duties a wife typically does, I will respect her as my superior in charge and listen to all her request and carry them out faithfully without hesitation. She will have complete control over everything she chooses to in my life and she will also hold me accountable with corporal punishment when I fail to do as told. 

This and a lot of other smaller details we have agreed upon. However, it isn’t just something you can wake up the next morning and just make that change instantly, it takes time, it takes patience, it takes trust. I know I lack in a lot areas where we have agreed upon just as she does, this is where you both ALWAYS have to remember one thing.

Happiness in a relationship is not one sided, one cannot live this lifestyle one sided, each parties feed off the others desires, wants and needs! If one lacks on there side the other is sure to lack on there’s also which in my opinion sets the agreement you have between each other for certain failure. So I say DARE! Dare to be that person you desire, if your submissive, dare to do everything your Dominant desires and more. Go out of your way and put extra effort into serving your Dominant. If your the Dominant dare! Dare to trust everything your submissive has communicated to you of thier desires, follow through with your agreement of taking responsibility for your submissive, train your submissive how YOU want them to act towards you in everyday life. Just as it is the submissives job to obey you and serve you it is equally important for you to guide and train them in a consistent way while holding them accountable for thier actions if so agreed upon. DARE TO BE YOU!


Dominate the submissive always, never letting them forget you are the one in charge. That is what they desire. This is the very foundation and the most important aspect of a D/s relationship. This is why you are labeled the Dominant! This is the persona you need to let out of yourself without holding back which brings me to the next subject…………


Acceptance. For the submissive accept your desires to serve your Dominant in the ways you have agreed upon. Accept that from now on the Dominant sword is the final word, accept you will now have a new set of rules to follow and you yourself will come second to your Dominant with the understanding by doing this you will receive back what you so desire hence putting yourself first only in a roundabout way. 

For the Dominant Accept this person inside you who you have expressed you want to be. Don’t question your decisions or desires in regards to your submissive. Be the decision maker! Be the one that holds your submissive accountable for his actions. Be the strong person that you yourself envision and see in yourself and that person your sub sees your capable of being. Be the athoritive one, be the trainer, be the punisher, demand obedience and respect which again goes into my next category…………..


Respect. In general Above and beyond everything never forget the other person has feelings, desires, wishes, needs however different they are as important as your own and they are a person to, just like you.  Remember always if you don’t show respect for your partner respect won’t be given by them either. Whatever you and your partner have agreed upon, follow through with it. Not following through with agreements and promises shows disrespect for the others needs, wants, desires. 

As a Dominant respect the wishes, desires, and needs of your submissive. Sometimes you may not understand why they like or desire something but remember our brains don’t always match up in thought. Example (my Goddess gets pleasure out of spanking me and the pain it causes me. I don’t nderstand how she could get pleasure out of it because my brain doesn’t work that way however I accept it. I don’t think negative of her in any way because of it either, in fact I’m thankful for it because in my opinion it goes with the role of a Dominant role, if she didn’t derive pleasure in it, it would be impossible for her to hold me accountable for transgressions) Sometimes as long as it isn’t causing harm to anyone it’s just best to accept the person for who they are and go with the flow no matter how strange you may find thier quirks. I think the saying I have seen a lot is so true that submission is a gift. A sub would NEVER submit to someone they do not respect and trust fully in. It is out of that trus, respect and admiration that they do desire to submit to the Dominant. So if you have an agreement or a contract like me and my Goddess live up to it. Be respectful to your submissive and follow through with everything you have agreed upon. If you don’t it shows them two things, you don’t respect them and or you just don’t give a damn what they want. 

As a sudmissive you are the one that has agreed to serve your Dominant in whatever caliber of service you have chosen. Respect that decision. Respect your Dominant as the superior one between you two. Respect that when they tell you to do something they are telling you to either be a cause they want something done and or it will be good for the both of you. Respect also shows trust, you have chosen them as your Dominant so show them the rightful respect and put your trust in that they will always make the decisions what’s best for you both, after all isn’t that why you picked the? You respect them, you trust them and you expect them to show you respect by enforcing what you have agreed upon which brings me to the last and final subject…………..


Enforcement. Dominant’s this one is solely for you. Your submissive and you have talked long and in depth into the details of your agreement hopefully. Unfortunately this is where you are solely responsible to enforce the rules. Yes it is the job of the submissive to accept and take on his role of the submissive and follow through with his end of the agreement however the Dominant is the higher power to make sure everything is followed and to enforce the agreement. Dominants, your subs expect this out of you also, when you fail to do this it is disrespectful in my opinion to not only yourself but the sub also. It gives the sub the impression you don’t care and when you do order him to do something he has a choice which pretty much overrides the whole agreement and the power exchange dynamics because are you really in charge then if your giving your sub the choice?

If corporal punishment is part of your agreements like ours then you need to follow through and enforce whatever punishments you have agreed upon. Unfortunately also and I am not saying this is right however I am human like every other sub and you dominants will be tested. We would lol purposely fail in following orders or completing task assigned just to see, just to see if you will follow through with your end of the agreement and catch it and punish us. I know though from me, once the real punishment is given to me a few times that bratty behavior would disappear and I would stop testing and start doing because I know I would be held accountable. 

Remember dominants if this is something you and your sub has agreed upon you should not hold and hesitations or guilt in punishing your sub and ONLY stop the punishment when YOUR ready to stop no matter how much pain your sub is feeling and begs you to stop. 

In circumstances where the two of you are not a “couple” who loves each other a safe word should always be used. In my case I have given my Dominant full authority to go until she is done even if it brings me to real tears and there is no safe word. Why you ask? Because of multiple reasons which are trust, my love and admiration for her, our friendship and her being my partner in life as my wife. Would I give that kind of leeway with anyone else, he’ll no! 


So to sum t all up, if you and another have agreed to live a D/s alternative lifestyle and you have set parameters and rules DARE! Dominate, accept an embrace your new roles, respect each other as a person and thier desires, and enforce the agreement from both sides and I promise you, it will bring your relationship to new heights that you never imagined!!!


 Why a Dominant Should Punish

When living a consensual 24/7 D/s lifestyle and the terms have been discussed and agreed upon I believe it is up to the dominant to train the sub to serve them in the way that they most desire that will provide them with the best service and pleasure the sub can offer. I don’t care who you are, nobody is perfect and everyone has room to grow and learn no matter your gender or age. I know for certain there are things my Goddess would like to change about me and truth be told there are things I would love to change in her. However I have accepted my role as her slave and have agreed to adjust my life to better suit hers. Why do I desire this? Because in my eyes I am married to the most amazing, sexy woman on this planet. She has a huge heart and is smart, kind,loving and giving. I know for certain I am truly blessed and I thrive off of her happiness.

During our contract talks we agreed on most everything and one of those things is she has free reign over me to punish me for anything she deems a punishable offense even if I disagree with it. I am the one that has agreed to conform to her ways of thinking therefore I gave her free will.


Because of the fact she is so loving and caring she struggles in this area. She doesn’t want to hurt me in any way and she knows real punishment hurts which deters her from consistently applying punishment when needed. She also fears what reaction I might have and or even doubts this is truly what I want.


Here is what I want and she says she wants the same. I want to be controlled 100% by her. I want her to make the decisions for me. Above and beyond all I want to please her and do everything in my power to increase her happiness each and every day.


In my opinion in a lot of ways a D/s is a lot like a parent child relationship. The sub is to do as told by the Dominant and the Dominant/parent is tasked with raising/teaching/training the sub and holding the sub/child accountable for any and all transgressions. When a child talks back or does something wrong they get punished and learn from it hence the same rule of law should apply to the consensual sub. As parents we love our children and punish them not because we enjoy dishing out punishment but we do it because the need to learn right from wrong and at least for me, when I punish mine it hurts me more than them because I despise causing any kind of discomfort to them but I also know it’s for their benefit. In my opinion a Dominant should view punishment towards thier sub in the same way. I know my Goddess loves my and I never doubt that and I so desire to be the perfect slave to her in her eyes but without punishment, although I desire to change, I probably wont.

So Why Punish?

  • It demonstrates to the slave that the dominant is displeased. Although I can tell the majority of the time if my Goddess is displeased there are a lot of times I cannot.
  • It shows that the behavior was unacceptable and the slaves actions have consequences.
  • The biggest reason it provides reinforcement for a change to proper behavior
  • Punishment of a slave aims to improve the slave’s behavior or remove completely bad behavior. The slave may not like the consequences that the Dominant applies, but the slave accepts them because they apply to him or her and are for her betterment. Punishment is NOT role play. It is to correct a real problem using real punishment.
  • Punishment is about caring that your slave behaves in a way that best serves, obeys and pleases the Dominant. It is about allowing the slave/sub to develop into the slave he or she has chosen to be; by being pleasing to the Dominant.
  • Punishment is a cleansing process.  A new start after the correction. It is a alternative way for the slave to atone for his or her indiscretions. Once the punishment is done and over it is easier for both parties to put it behind them and move forward.
  • Punishment also shows the Dominant really does care and wants to take an active role in changing unwanted behaviors in the sub/slave while also providing attention to the sub/slave.
  • Punishment is also a great training tool and deturant in avoiding future transgressions.

If punishment isn’t used on slaves/subs then what motivation do they have in conforming more to the Dominants wishes. Sure, I long to serve my Goddess and please her in every way but I am also human and screwup, say the wrong thing, disobey just like any child will do with thier parents. The big question though is if we don’t hold our kids accountable each and every day with thier actions will they change? Nope! I whole heartedly admit, I NEED HELP and the help I need only she can give to me.

Same goes for a slave/sub. If they do not feel controlled and held accountable each and every day which is the thing both parties should strive for the power exchange will without a doubt be certain for failure.

I love my Goddess with all my heart and desire to conform to her idea of what the perfect sub/slave is however without being held accountable every single day for any wrongdoings I will never change even though I want to. Hopefully some day this will finally sink all the way in her head and she will have an aha moment and start blistering my ass whenever she is displeased with me so that I can change for the better for her

De-Programing & Re-Programing

We as a society have assigned certain traits instilled in both men and women since the beginning of time. Men are suppose to be strong leaders, in charge, masculine and make all the decisions for the families while women are weak, serve as followers to their husbands and be secondary in life decisions.

Times are changing these days, more women are working and taking a leadership role in todays world while men are increasingly taking on the traditional roles of the women by becoming stay at home dads or helping with domestic duties.

Personally I think the decision of who is in charge of a relationship or family should be not made because of ones gender but be made by who is best suited for the role. Although as of late it is getting more acceptable society still puts a great deal of pressure dictating the traditional roles of both male and females.

Deep down inside me I crave to go against societies expectations of the stereotypical male as being the strong masculine leader who makes all the decisions for the family. It’s not that I can’t do it because I know without a doubt I can and pretty much have all my life until I met the most incredible, beautiful, amazing woman I call my Goddess.

However as much as I desire this secondary role it is so hard to just let go and follow as the same with my Goddess. As much as she wants to be the one in charge and make decisions she has been programed in the traditional role as a woman and house wife.

I have given this so much thought in the past couple years and ask myself these questions nearly daily, So how do we fix this mess we are in? How do I take the submissive role as the traditional “house wife” and how does my wife take on the role as the strong leader who makes the decisions for us and rules the house with authority?

There really is only one way, De-programing and Re-programing.

Can you really teach a old dog new tricks?

The answer is YES! However it does take time, patience and consistency. Behaviors and mindsets are learned behaviors in my opinion that do or can change over time if the core beliefs in someone are already set.

Example: I was brought up to believe that the man should dominate and rule the family and marriage making all the decisions and I have always been that person, however deep down inside I truly do believe a woman can do all these things just as well if not better than the man. I don’t believe that the one making all the rules and decisions should be based solely out of gender, it should be based off which party makes the most rational decisions and the one whos is more level headed if that makes sense. I have an open mind to the woman being in charge therefore the foundation within me is already there, it just needs to be built.

Analogy: Lets say you have a house, the house that sits on the foundation is the persons mindset and personality (basically the way the man lives his life). Re-Programing would be to tear down the house leaving the foundation there and building a new house the way you want it. The same can work with people. I already have that foundation that a woman can lead just as well as any man, however my house is already built and needs to be torn down and rebuilt into the way she wants it.

Tearing down the house = De-programing

Building a new house on the old foundation = Re-programing

The military uses the same philosophy on new recruits entering into the military throughout training camp. It DOES work however it also involves work from both sides.

Back to the house analogy. As I said, I already have that foundation and would actually say my house is all framed due to the fact I have taken on all domestic chores and cooking and do it willingly. However we all know its the upgrades inside a house when the walls are up that really make a home. Same goes with its really what’s inside the person that makes the person.


I think there are a multitude of things that the stereotypical male needs to shred in order for a FLR/Femdom relationship to work long-term.

With the help of his partner I believe (this is my opinion only, every one differs) the male has to be a willing participant and have the desire to shed:

  • The mindset of being in charge & savior
  • The mindset of “house work (cooking, cleaning, laundry) is women’s work”
  • The mindset of machoism or in some ways, some of his masculinity in order to become more docile/softer
  • The mindset of being hard/strong all the time and accept and trust his Dominant can do everything as good or better than him

Some things might come natural but I am guessing most do not. We as men might have these desires deep within us and truly want to serve our Dominant however it is so difficult to keep the male tendencies within us when things go wrong or not the way we want it and we get frustrated and say fuck it! I am guilty of this myself!

I do however believe with help from our Dominant these things CAN be buried deep inside us and we can learn how to control these feelings/actions that society deems as being a normal male. However burying these deep and locking them up doesn’t mean we are any less male it just means we are willing to suppress these feelings for the reason of love and admiration of our Dominant in order to please them and make them happy.

Here’s the big thing though, BOTH parties have to be willing participants, have the strong desire to live this life style, be open minded, accept and embrace their new roles and commit and be consistent to all the above, and above all else, TRUST EACH OTHER that this is truly what they want. Without this, it is surely on the destination for failure.


Re-programing isn’t really changing the way one believes for the most part but becoming aware of unwanted habits we have and changing them.  Here is where all the work comes in! At first for quite a while it takes a lot of self awareness from both sides to make this work.  However, again it takes BOTH sides and sooner or later the changes both hope to happen will become second nature so you don’t always have to be so “self aware” of the changes that we are attempting to accomplish it just becomes “normal”.

Before I move on I want to say, these are my opinions and how I view things however what works for me might be entirely different from other submissive’s. I know what works for me, how I react to different situations and what triggers feelings of submissiveness and keeps me in that mindset. Although some unconventional, there are some things that help me a great deal obtain and keep in a submissive mindset. I also believe that even tough my Goddess may not understand the psychological aspects of some, they are very helpful to me and take little or no effort on her part but mostly a open mind and acceptance.

Everyone has different “triggers/reminders” that help and serve as a reminder of their place beneath their dominant and these triggers in my opinion are essential for reprogramming submissive people.  Although me and my Goddess have been doing this for probably 5 years it has been of and on due to life just throwing us curve balls and shit happening. I know I have the desire within me that I want to serve her as her slave for the rest of my life however just because I have that desire it doesn’t mean I am where either one of us wants me to be nor is she and she also has the desire to improve.  So here is my desire of my Goddess to reprogram me and I have no doubts if she were to trust me, keep an open mind and be consistent I will be re-programmed and in time it will become normal for both of us.


  1. She needs to believe and trust me that I do desire and want her to be in charge
  2. Talk with confidence and authority and mean it
  3. Tell me what to do, don’t ask, follow through with demands
  4. Set rules and enforce them
  5. Hold me accountable i.e. Discipline
  6. Keep me chaste and deny me
  7. Be selfish, put herself first before me. By doing this my needs will be met also.

I am married to the most incredible, sexy, smart, amazing women I have ever met and I am so incredibly in love with her and she needs to believe that and trust me.

Unfortunately she is also the type of woman that holds everything in until she explodes. I wish she would track things I do good and bad and just take the time once a week to sit me down and tell me how I am doing. Communication is #1 in alternative relationships like this. This I think is our biggest struggle, I never know what she is thinking. No matter how big or how insignificant I want to know what is on her mind. I cant help or make changes from my side if I don’t know where to make those changes. There is ALWAYS an excuse, lack of time, kids, tired, headache and on and on, I just wish she would make the time once a week sit in her chair in our bedroom with me on the floor before her and go over my behavior with me in private whether good or bad.


Here I guess is the unconventional stuff that helps me gain the submissive mindset and that I would love for my Goddess to do/use on me to re-program me to help me obtain that permanent mindset. Unfortunately I know I NEED to be re-programmed even as much as I desire to serve my Goddess and even though I am married to most amazing, sexy, smart woman I NEED HELP and I can NOT do this on my own.

Although it might be a little work, open mindedness, understanding on her part, I am 100% confident (only because I know myself better than anyone) that in time and with her being consistent I would become that submissive we BOTH desire permanently and it will become the norm for both of us. Once you do things over and over for a long period of time things become the norm especially if it is something you both desire.

Example. I mentioned to her one thing I would like is for her to have me wear panties. At first she thought it really odd and different understand and was reluctant. We bought a couple pairs and she put them in me once and then I never wore them again for months. We again tried and it lasted a few months. I could see she looked at me strange at first when I had them on and was uncomfortable to some degree however a couple years ago I begin wearing them everyday now and now if I would put on a pair of male underwear she gives me that strange look she used to when I first started wearing panties. Plus a look of annoyance lol. Why does she give me those looks now when I put on male underwear………………because it’s NOT the norm anymore. She is used to me in panties everyday.


  1. Positive reinforcement 

Some of us want to know, “What do I get out of this?” Positive reinforcement answers this question. This practice involves the addition of a gratifying experience in reaction to something someone has done. Many adults respond to praise and recognition. If I do something good and receive praise for it, I want to do it more.

2. Negative reinforcement. 

One of the toughest things we can do as adults is to punish ourselves. Punishment is a form of behavior modification that discourages the unwanted act by application of an unpleasant stimulus in reaction to the behavior.

For wrong doings I react best to this type of reinforcement, follow through on everything we have agreed on and enforce all commands to me and never let a thing slide. Punish me as soon as possible after transgressions.


  1. Lock me up every night where appropriate to sleep.


  1. Continue of course with me wearing panties every day unless I have a doctors appointment or similar.
  2. As much as you can choose what I will wear for the day.
  3. Start replacing my clothes with women’s clothes. Such as pants, for every pair of women’s pants I have take a pair of my male pants away. I think in most cases pants, underwear, socks and some shirts can be replaced to where nobody will know the difference but us. Lock all the replaced clothes in trunk.
  4. Whenever possible mostly during cold months make me wear a bra daily and pantyhose under jeans whenever we go out for dinner or somewhere special for the weekend.


  1. Lock me up always whenever we are not together. It has a positive mental effect. Although I might appear that I am not bothered with denial I DO want to gain relief I think of it nearly all the time when alone. Locking me up when I am alone takes the question of “Should I masturbate she will never know” out of my head and helps me focus on pleasant thoughts of you and how lucky I am to be owned by such a beautiful, amazing Goddess.


  1. Whenever you wish, demand me to pleasure you while denying me always except for special occasions or when you are feeling generous. However as much as I love to cum and how amazing it feels do NOT feel guilty no matter how long you choose to deny me.


  1. Talk to me as your subordinate. Whenever possible in private refer to me as her, she, girl. Require me again whenever possible to refer to you as Ma’am, Mistress, Goddess.


  1. Give me a weekly allowance and take my cards away to track all purchases I make and have me turn in receipts to account for all money spent. Anything over allowance amount I will have to seek your permission first.


Although some of this is unconventional and against societies norms I do believe all of it can be accomplished and I can be re-programmed to your liking while re-programing yourself. I also know a lot of this is repeat stuff that I have said in past post however I also believe its a good thing to be reminded of things.

The big thing I think that 99% of the people error on is that you just cant say one day I want to be a Domme or slave and wake up the next day and be that person you want to be. Change takes a lot of time, work, patience. We need to put every effort into changing and if you in turn will put every effort you have from your side to helping accomplish the change in your partner, the results of that is a good thing because the positive effect will be you also changing.





Femdom Life Coaches & Counselors

This is a topic that really pisses me off! We have life coaches for just about every aspect of life from “normal” relationships to career paths we desire to follow. We have counselors for everything from depression to mental illnesses that help us improve our lives but very few and I mean very few to the point of it being rare for female led relationships. I think because professionals just think it’s wrong or it’s just kink or some other stupid reason. Why is that? Maybe it’s because they just don’t think it’s real or people really want it! 

I have seen some advertisements online for these services but I am also very skeptical of the services offered and think they nothing more than just sites where people can masturbate to and screw a person out of money. I know I do not have the money to just throw out on a chance however I would pay a reasonable fee if I were to find a real person that could help us grow our relationship. 

I think if one were to go to a counselor they would look at the lifestyle as a mental illness and try to fix you rather than help you grow in your respective role as either dominate or submissive. 

Personally I think couples in this type of relationship are happier and more successful then those in vailla ones due to the understanding, trust, love, admiration you have to have for one another as compared to vanilla relationships. 

Although the internet provides and endless amount of information on female led relationships it is at times can be hard to decipher fact from fiction especially for people new to this. 

I think that we all at times need someone to help us whether it be some just to talk to so we don’t think we are alone or someone to help us or coach us in our relationships to more understand each other and grow our roles. 

Anyone out there ever try a life coach or kink friendly counselor?

Female Led Marriage: Roles, Reason and One View vs Another.

Defining the Roles

The whole concept of a Female Led Marriage really isn’t new to society. There are certain things women have always been in charge of in “most” successful, happy marriages. I’m sure we all have heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life”. There is a lot to said about that saying. Regardless of whether you are 100% vanilla or 100% into kink or somewhere in between, if your lady isn’t happy, the man isn’t.

I am going to set aside for a minute the FLR mindset and speak as a conservative, Red blooded American with the old fashion mindset. When women are not happy with their husbands in a vanilla marriage they have the God given talent to make us men miserable by bitching, moaning and groaning, being accusatory towards us men and most of all the undeniable gift of being a Master at making us feel guilty all in the effort to get what they want and they are relentless until they succeed. (Sorry Ladies but its true)

Now if we as men really love our wives and care for them, we typically give in and let them have their way. This does several things that benefit us men, the nagging and bitching stops. The evil looks diminish away and she’s happy again. And, let’s not forget one huge benefit we typically get also, MAKE UP SEX!

What I am trying to say basically is that in all reality to a certain extent, women have always been in charge of the marriage and household. However in a “Female Led Marriage”  we have begun to define our roles more clearly to formalize who is in charge. Another aspect is society has changed in its views a great deal of what is considered the “mans job and role” and the “women job and role” in a marriage. Now when the man stays home and takes care of the house and family (which has always been the women’s role traditionally), its acceptable.


I was brought up in in my family with old fashion values and beliefs and if I had to define the word and roles of wife and husband they would be as follows;

  • Wife- the primary caretaker of the house and family. The one whos does the cooking, cleaning, laundry. Gets the kids off to school. Has dinner on the table when the man gets home. Makes sure the man is always sexually satisfied. She typically stays at home the greater amount of time or works part time and earns less as the secondary breadwinner than the husband.
  • Husband- the major bread winner. The one that works fulltime, makes the most money, makes all the decisions for the family. The one that comes home expecting a meal on the table after working all day, expects the woman to sexually pleasure him on demand, and expects to be basically waited on by the wife.

Personally I envision (in my opinion), that when a couple agree to live the lifestyle of a Female led Marriage they basically agree to reverse the roles. Of course there are many different levels as how far/extreme you can take this and that is all personal preference.

Female Led Marriage vs Femdom Led Marriage

The above term as far as Femdom Led Marriage might not be a “correct” term but for me I wanted to distinguish at least for me, that in my mind, there are indeed two different types of Female Led Marriages. For me, the Female Led Marriage is basically the couple swapping traditional roles for the most part and they have various levels of course. Here in my opinion the man still also has a say and is treated with equal respect on decisions but the wife has the majority say in things or disagreements are negotiated to a mutual resolution. Both parties focus on making each other happy and the wife is leading more because she just has more of a dominate personality.

Femdom Led Marriage to me is also the above but more extreme with absolute control of the female over the male. Everything is negotiated before hand to where once the boundaries of everything is agreed upon as far as how much control (Whether it will be total power exchange or limited in some areas), outside of the agreed upon restrictions negotiation no longer exist and decisions are made entirely with what will benefit the female with little to no regards to the male.

The female cares for herself more than the male, she is selfish, wants nothing to do with domestic duties and wants her submissive male to take care of these. She sets herself up on a pedestal to be worshipped by her submissive man, she is confident. Although she does love her male submissive and wants to share her life with him, her main desire is for her man to serve her as her slave taking away all unwanted duties, task, she may find unpleasant and for him to look up to her as a “Goddess” and to be obedient to all her wishes and love, respect and adore her.

Reason for Submission

There are so may reasons I believe why a man would want to submit to a woman from just pure love and admiration for the woman to just kink or both. For me with my Goddess/Wife it is a combination of both.

Remember these are MY reasons, its not a list of standard reasons for all, everyone is different. I respect whatever reason one may desire this. So here goes, and its not in any order of importance;

As far as Her

  1. I love my Goddess/Wife very much
  2. I admire & respect her
  3. I gain happiness through making her happy
  4. When I look at her, she defines the words, love, caring, attractive, beautiful and sexy
  5. I am in continuous amazement of her caring heart
  6. She is smart
  7. She is very feminine
  8. If I had to describe what a Goddess looks like or what type of person she would be, I would describe my Goddess/Wife.
  9. I understand nobody is perfect but She is perfect for me!
  10. I love, admire, respect her more than anyone in the world! Did I mention that? 🙂

As far as me

  1. Ever since I can remember I have always had the desire to submit to a beautiful woman
  2. I like to let go and not have the added stress of making most decisions. I do however (and we have agreed on this which all should) want to be involved in the big, important decisions that can affect others.
  3. I have a very imaginative mind
  4. I find housework, crazy as it sounds, relaxing and fulfilling
  5. I love cooking
  6. I feel like I am very lucking to have my Goddess/wife in my life
  7. I get bored easy
  8. I desire to be as close to my Goddess/Wife as possible and this lifestyle enhances closeness.
  9. I don’t want to fail her in anyway and by her making the decisions I know the chances of failure are minimal
  10. I have always felt more like I wanted to be a follower rather than a leader. However if and when needed I can be a very good strong leader if needed.



Here I believe is one of the most important vital aspects of any relationship whether it be a vanilla, Femdom, Female led or whatever. The needs of both (I cannot stress the word “BOTH” enough) have to be met for both parties to be happy. In most loving relationships I think the most important thing is to make the other party feel loved, desired, respected, and needed. For my Goddess/Wife I think that is 90% of her needs. In a alternative relationship like we have chosen, the other need in my opinion is a non-judgmental open mind for things that are not vanilla. My Goddess/Wife’s needs I think are very much simple and in line with most needs of every woman in a relationship.

  1. She needs to feel like she is loved always
  2. She needs to feel desired always
  3. She needs to feel she has my support always
  4. She needs to feel secure I will never go anywhere and not ever leave her
  5. Feeling sexually fulfilled
  6. This one however is in line with our agreement, she needs to feel secure in knowing she really is in charge and she needs my obedience willingly

Everyone has different “triggers” that make them feel a certain way and mine however are unconventional but probably common with most men that desire the lifestyle as a slave/submissive.

My list of needs however are more extensive, more non-traditional, however most all designed to ensure my obedience with her. But hers are a lot less time consuming and task oriented. Hers mostly in my opinion focus more on my mental state towards me and more dealing with her open mindedness and state of mind/attitude.

  1. I need her to be consistent
  2. I need her to actually not only make me feel controlled but CONTROL ME!
  3. I need her to be the leader and TAKE CHARGE!
  4. Quit asking me what I want and make decisions for us and for me. Tell me what to do, not ask. Make decisions in what SHE wants!
  5. When she tells me to do something, expect it to be done, no questions.
  6. I need her to hold me accountable like a parent would a child. If I do something wrong, PUNISH ME ALWAYS never allowing any transgressions to slide.
  7. I need her non-judgmental support and open mindedness and willful participation in things that keep me in the mindset of being submissive and being a lessor to her. Here is where the non-vanilla aspect falls in line with my imaginative mind but all these things help immensely with my mindset.  Such as
  • Keeping me in panties 24/7.
  • Incorporating other clothing and being pro-active and lay them out for me and having me wear them such as women’s jeans, bra’s, hose and or whatever she may think of in addition as much as possible
  • Constant verbal reminder to me of my place beneath her (light humiliation/light verbal degradation)
  • Referring to me as her wife whenever she can
  • Calling me my given female name she gave me as much as possible and also  referring to me as she, her, girl, woman
  • Being dominant sexually
  • Denying me the pleasures of orgasm’s and cumming
  • Chastity as much as possible


Views of the Femdom Marriage (my view, her view)

My reality of this lifestyle of course is not much different than the fantasies I have of one. But my reality I believe is obtainable to meet 95% of my fantasies. There are only a few things we have restricted from our “power exchange” which we have agreed to mutually agree on such as decisions dealing with kids and money/major purchases. There are a couple things off limits that I am adamant about that she doesn’t like but once again, I am not willing to sway on so before we started we agreed on all these areas.

Ok, now that I got all this out of the way on what I believe in difference in Female Led/Femdom relationships and needs and roles the real reason for this writing is my Goddess/Wife has tasked me with the very difficult assignment of writing how I think she views a Female Led/Femdom Marriage. I think our views are real close however our views on how to do it differ quite a lot. I need constant reminders of my place beneath her which I think differs from her needs and desires.

My view

My view and what I would love to see in day to day life is her complete (well 95% at least) control over me. Most every day since the stuff we agreed to disagree upon before we officially started happen often, she would have 100% control.

  • She would pick out my clothing each and everyday that I wear.
  • If I go somewhere and do something I would have to ask permission like a child would with their parents.
  • Like a child I would also know and be confident if I do not listen and do as told, or I fail to do a task there will be consequences and I will be punished without fail and no transgressions would ever slide.
  • She would expect me to take care of all domestic duties and a clean house at all times.
  • She would see herself as superior to me and treat me as a lessor and refer to me as my fem name Marcy when possible and make me wear fem clothes as much as possible.
  • She would offer up constant daily reminders to me that I am her sissy wife/slave bitch and my only job is to please and serve her.
  • She would make all decisions for us, telling me them and not asking.
  • She would demand me to pleasure her often sexually with no regards to my sexual satisfaction while keeping me chaste and denying me any release except on special occasions where she is feeling generous.
  • Each night she would demand me to be on my knees before her and thank her for allowing me the privilege of serving her.

Her view (in my opinion)

My Goddess/Wife asked me to write on how I think she views the lifestyle. I really am hesitant doing this as we are still growing in the lifestyle and I think she will take my opinions wrong or twist them and take things as a personal dig against her. I do NOT mean anything negative as to I fully understand and accept that I have desired this all my life and she has only been exposed to it a few years. I also understand that there are areas where she is very hesitant due to my personality traits and also her coming from a previous marriage where her X was a complete abusive, dominating asshole. In my opinion it showed great strength on her part to get out of it and leave. Today she is so much different then the person I first met! She has grown to be a strong woman but unfortunately is still haunted by some past experiences.

In my opinion she has all the tools and desires to be that Dominant woman we BOTH strive for her to be and eventually I do think she will reach that point. She says our desires are both in line with each other. She wants to be in 100% control. She wants to hold me accountable and discipline me for my transgressions. I believe her 100%! I also however believe she has a huge hump to get over to make all this happen and forget the past and also put complete trust in me that I also desire all this and just DO IT!

I think she views the lifestyle pretty much the same as me.

She is to be the one in charge and make decisions.

  • I am the one to be responsible for all domestic duties.
  • I am there to serve her.
  • She believes that her sexual pleasures and satisfaction are what’s most important  between us, while denying me mine and keeping me chaste.
  • She desires my worship often to raise her up on a pedestal.

Views with Training/Discipline/Consistency/Kink

Now to the difficult areas. I have tried to explain to her that although I desire all these things and desire to serve her, I am also not a doormat. Sure there might be people out there that will submit to every whim of another never questioning their orders, that’s not me.

I often will not want to do everything I’m told  to do (because I am my own person and not a door matt) or I will often fail to do what is required of me (because I am human). Most every time its not on purpose, but just out of stubbornness or laziness.

  • When I fail to do these things, I wish her to hold me accountable with REAL punishment/training.

Sure, I am a masochist a little, I like to be lightly spanked when we, as we call it, “Play” but I do NOT like real pain. Bending me over something and spanking me for real with real hard swats would NOT be pleasurable and it would hurt and serve as what I call REAL punishment and put a powerful reminder/trigger in my mind to NOT reoffend also reinforcing my place as her slave beneath her. This is not however to feed my masochist side because of the fact I won’t enjoy it. This however is to train me and make me be a better slave to her.

She says she does understand the concept and why I desire this aspect however I think she is afraid I would retaliate in some way (which I keep telling her I wont) and just doesn’t feel that it is necessary and not worth the effort on her part to be consistent on it. I feel also it just also isn’t as important to her as it is to me. To me, any let down or disobedience on my part is a huge deal to me so EVERY transgression NEEDS to be addressed. I think it is one of the most (if not the most) important aspects of a Femdom Marriage and yes, I understand I am an adult, and in a “vanilla” lifestyle it doesn’t happen,  but we have decided not to live vanilla.

We, even as adults are held accountable everyday in everything we do. You break the law, you go to jail. You screw up at work, you get fired. I guess the way I feel here is, if I fail or disobey and I’m not held accountable than is anyone really in charge? the answer is quite simply no.

  • I agree with her and understand in one thing as far as discipline. At times I have a short temper and I can be really stubborn and fly off the handle. She says that she is afraid if she were to discipline me that I would fly of the handle and get mad at her. Is this a possibility? Doubtful, but I do not think that will happen and I ask her to trust me. I do NOT think it is fair to judge me of something before it happens.
  • Although I think she believes me, I think she has hopes the my total obedience no matter what it is, will just naturally happen with no effort on her part. I have told her from the very beginning its a two way road and effort is vital on both sides, not just one side.
  • A lot of times I get the impression it could also just be out of pure laziness on her part that she doesn’t follow up on holding me accountable and or she has a million excuses of why holding me accountable for transgressions is needed or possible to do at the time.
  • Another area is Kinky play, I enjoy it, desire it, think about it often and its important to me. She enjoys it yes, but we rarely play. I think here our differences in importance are a long ways apart. I love her to tie me down and spank me in an enjoyable way to where the pain is minimal and sexually dominate me while verbally degrading me. I think she enjoys it sometimes but rarely. To me it just doesn’t seem that important to her. Plus I don’t think she thinks she is very god at it but she truly is AMAZING at it!
  • As far as clothing such as panties/bras/hose etc. I don’t think she understands the powerful mental effects it has on me. Hell, I don’t understand it at times except all I can say is that when a male wears them it is opposite of being masculine if that makes sense and offsets the “manly” feeling and makes me feel tons more submissive. At first she was very skeptical and hesitant on having me wear panties everyday but now it has just become a norm to her but helps me stay in the mindset. To sum this area of kink up I would say
    • Masculinity in a male to me equals being in charge and dominant and being the leader who makes all the decisions
    • Being Masculine does NOT equal being submissive
    • Wearing women’s undergarments is the opposite of Masculinity

To sum it all up

I don’t think we are far apart as to what the end results are as far as her the one being in charge and me being obedient at all times. I however believe we have our differences on how to get to that goal and how we should be living it 24/7. I also believe the lifestyle is more important to me than her and the amount of effort that we both need to apply to reach our goal is somewhat different. I think she thinks since I am an adult that no discipline is necessary and that I should just comply with her at all times and be obedient.

Overall so far I am happy in the level we have obtained so far and fully understand and accept that each day offers up new opportunities at learning about the lifestyle and each other while growing in it. However each day also offers up new challenges and frustrations.

I may be 100% wrong here but in my opinion my analogy is this. If you were to picture a mountain and the left side represents the desire of the lifestyle and the other side total acceptance of it in every aspect, she is at the peak of it just to the left and I am on the right with my hand extended reaching out to her wanting her to just get past that final hurdle whatever it is inside her head to fully accept and live it 24/7 and fully embrace herself as the leader and dominant one and view me as her lessor slave, there to serve & pleasure her at her beckon call.

I feel I am ready 100% to take that final plunge into submission to her. I know and 100% believe how lucky I am to serve her and be in her presence everyday. I am married to the most amazing, sexy, beautiful, kind hearted woman alive and I am 100% confident of this. Until she can believe all the above and trust that I want this 100% that last hurdle cannot be done, however it will someday!

I welcome would like comments as long as they are polite and respectful keeping in mind we all have our differences in opinions and we are all different and these are MY opinions only. 

Thank you!



















Denied & Caged

It’s been a while since I have written. Summer is here and life sometimes gets busy unfortunately and at times we don’t always have time to do everything we want. But one thing that never waivers is my love and admiration for my Goddess. My desire to serve her never diminishes even when we are in disagreement on somethings.

We are still trying to fight through things within the lifestyle that most people would never understand unless they are also involved within it. Consistency is at times challenged due to life’s events that go happen but we are both determined to make this work and hopefully we will get to the point that everything we have agreed upon becomes the “normal” for us.

So in my past writings I have written about denial & chastity, in my opinion, two very important aspects of a femdom marriage, TPE, FLR whatever you wish to call it. One thing also was on effects of male orgasms, the chemicals released within your brain after one and how it effects the male in how one acts after. I’m sure it has different or no effects on different people however after researching it, I became a believer in what I had learned, because I DO suffer from the effects and have noticed it before I even researched it.

When I orgasm unfortunately I lose ALL desires and feelings of submissiveness for at least 24 hours before it even starts to come back to me. It usually takes nearly a week for the strong desire and feeling to come back. But what’s worse is, for a couple days I feel the lifestyle in whole is stupid and that myself is stupid for submitting to a woman and I start lashing out at my Goddess and being mean and asserting my dominance which isn’t at all what I want.

We both talked for a long time and decided to try something different. We had read about ruined orgasms and that it diminishes the feelings in males that I described above due to it limits the chemical releases in ones brain. We tried this for the whole year of 2016 and I only experienced about 3 full orgasms the whole year however she would allow me to cum with a ruined orgasm once every two weeks. When I did this I would cum on my goddess’s belly then clean it up with my tongue and swallow it. Yes, for a full year I did this but it only diminished the effects to a minimal level. I still would lose most of my desire to be submissive and be an ass to my Goddess (and I hate that and its the last thing I want to do) but not as long, so in December of 2016 we talked again and came to a different resolution.

As of January 1, 2017 we agreed I am no longer allowed to cum except for special occasions. I am to please her with my tongue whenever she wishes and often. We bought a large dildo that is about 1.5 times bigger than me that we use often. I also bought a strap-on that I wear and please her with for intimacy purposes. All these things as far as I know and from what she says keeps her sexually satisfied even more than before.

Because my Goddess is so kindhearted we also agreed that before we do anything intimate I am to lock my cock up and leave the key in the bathroom due to if I start begging to cum or be inside her she gives in. This has worked great! I don’t beg or even ask because by the time I were to even get up and remove the chastity cage the mood is sunk.

So today is June 21, 2017 and my birthday was this month. Until my birthday the last time I have came was December 2016. (I know most wont believe that including my Goddess, but it is the truth) My Goddess allowed me the pleasure of finally cumming. I honestly figured she would at that time and was pleased when she said I could that night. The disappointing thing although was she denied me a full orgasm, only ruined and yes, she made me clean it up with my tongue. I actually was shocked she was firm on denying me that and what she said when I asked. Her words exactly when I asked was “No, do you think I want you being a dick to me for the next week?” I knew she was right so I took what I could and went with it. I honestly had forgotten how good she felt inside due to it had been nearly 6 months since I had been inside her. When I first entered her it felt like heaven but was short lived due to it being so long. I think I got maybe a half dozen strokes before I felt it build up and had to withdraw and cum with no more stimulation.

We also agreed that when I am home alone or home without her I will wear the cage at all times. Believe it or not, this is something I wanted also. When I am home alone the thought of masturbating is at times overwhelming if I do not have it on. Trust me, I want to cum, I want to explode big time but I also love the denial aspect but I also know if I cum I will be overwhelmed with guilt plus be a dick to her and I don’t want that so I prefer to wear the cage to prevent me from doing that.

So as far as the chastity cage goes, it is a huge help to me psychologically. When its not on the temptation to masturbate is so strong. When I have it on, there is no way I can stimulate myself. I have tried just to see. It’s pointless. I cant feel nothing through the cage and I know this hence the results I know I can’t masturbate which takes away all the questioning of whether I should or shouldn’t. I know I cant, period.

Yes, I love the denial and control but I would be a liar if I didn’t say I miss having orgasms and I do want to cum, but the alternative if I do is me being a dick and for some reason I cant control that aspect so in order to serve her better and be closer to her I forego them.

I love my Goddess more than anything in this world and think she is the most amazing, sexy woman I have ever met and feel like I am the luckiest man alive to be married to her and serve her!

I love you my Goddess

your slave always



Being dominant is not something you “do”, its someone you “are”.

I found the following article today written by a female of course on a female supremacy website and thought it made a lot of some good points although it was titled different and I only took from it what I felt was worth talking about. My opinions and expressions are all italicized.

A lot of women, when a submissive male presents themselves, find the task of enslaving him too daunting. But by remembering these simple rules, you can easily benefit with no hassle at all.

I think we are all born to either follow or lead. This, in my opinion, doesn’t mean to follow or lead in every way in life. One may be a great leader at work and run million dollar companies and supervise a staff of thousands then come home and be a follower to their partner. On the other hand, one may be nothing more than a assembly line worker at the bottom of the totem pole taking orders from multiple supervisors at the workplace and then at the end of the day go home and run the household with a strict iron fist. 

We all play multiple rolls in life. Some are forced upon us, some not. Some come natural and or we desire, but some we are afraid of embracing due to our surroundings and or the way society views them.

Just remember, being dominant is not something you “do”, its someone you “are”. Its not something you should have to lift a finger for, as lifting is what the sub male is for! You just need to think, something we are much better equipped to do than the male of the species.

I 100% believe that being dominant or not even dominant but wanting to be in control of certain aspects of your life is not something you “do” as far as working to change who you are, but in a femdom lifestyle, BOTH SIDES HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER!!!!

From my point of view, my job is to mainly serve my Goddess, do as told, show respect for her at all times and try to make life a little bit better and easier for her every day. My job is more task oriented and labor intensive and takes much more physical demands than the role of my Goddess.

But yes, my Goddess does have to lift a finger daily, and yes she has to partake in the lifestyle. Without her participation I would be nothing more than a weak person used as a door matt for her to walk over and that, I’m not.

Her main role however requires very little physical exertion and is more attitude and psychological. Being in charge does not mean she can be lazy it just means she has to focus on other areas in our relationship and life.

Below is ten things that the author of the article I copied suggest that women should remember when they are in a femdom relationship. She suggest that if women do remember these things and enact them then they WILL be in charge. Overall I agree with most all but in doing these ten things the author does contradict herself because the Domme DOES have to lift a finger to do all of these in some ways. So here we go with the ten things!

1) In general, a submissive only speaks when spoken to. (This one is kind of impossible when your a couple, but in role play sure, bring it on! The dome still has to enforce it and when the rule is broken by the sub she will have to lift a finger to hold the sub accountable in some way)
2) A submissive responds better being told what to do instead of being asked. (This one I 100% believe! As a slave to my Goddess, I WANT her to TELL me what to do always, not ask! Asking in my opinion defeats the purpose of being her slave, its giving me a choice then.)
3) Do not feel pressure to do anything. This is the submissive’s job. (Again I agree with this one but disagree with the “not doing anything” phrase. The Domme has to make sure the sub IS doing what they are supposed to and his desires met also. believe it or not, subs have desires and needs also.)
4) Learn to enjoy yourself sexually while the submissive is withheld. (Although this pains me to say I 120% agree with this. When I am sexually satisfied or after I cum I care about one thing only, MYSELF and to be honest I get very selfish and I can become a real asshole to my Goddess, that’s why we both felt it better that I no longer am allowed to cum. Its been about 4 months now and although I do miss it A LOT the benefits have been greater in ways that it has kept me pretty much grounded and compliant with my Goddess’s demands.)
5) A submissive needs to feel the tug of your proverbial leash. Find ways that work for you. (This here is one of the most important aspects of Femdom. For me, I not only want to serve and love to serve my Goddess feeling her control over me is as important if not more important to me. I need, desire and crave the constant reminder of my place in life with her as her slave. I need, desire, crave her direction, commands, of what I can and cannot do in our day to day life. I want to be reminded every day, multiple times a day, that I am her possession and she is my owner and she allows me to serve at her feet for one reason and one reason only and that’s because she is worthy of my worship but she also allows me because she loves me and serving her is my calling in life and a great privilege.   
6) Acknowledge daily to your submissive their role beneath you by telling them in some way they are doing things you want. (This is actually great advice. I know I experience several emotions when my Goddess does this. It is a reminder of my pace beneath her. It makes me feel proud that I am able to serve her and it also makes me feel happy she is happy with my service.)
7) Tell your submissive as soon as you are upset with something they are doing. (this is one that my Goddess has to work at a lot is her biggest struggle I think but is improving. If I do something wrong I WANT TO KNOW IT! I like every man can be oblivious to some things and I’m not always aware when I am doing something to upset her. It is HER job to train me and mold me into the person she desires me to be therefore it is her job to correct me and correct me right away when I am doing wrong. Honestly until she gives up her hesitations and fears of as she puts it “what my reaction will be” if she punishes me I don’t think she will truly be fully in charge. Control, respect, power are in a lot of cases earned through fear. Although there is zero doubt inside me that my Goddess loves me dearly and I would never question that, I have a strong desire for her to instill that fear in me and administer REAL punishment so that I am more aware of my actions and words.)
8) Find things you enjoy and use your submissive to do them. (No big comment on this due to all women do this to men lol and I am proud of my Goddess over the past years for thinking much more about herself and putting herself first unlike the way she used to be in putting everyone else first.)
9) Remember, your submissive feels pleasure when you use them. You are being nice when you give them a chance to do something for you. (I again 100% agree with this statement. I love doing stuff for my Goddess. However she doesn’t do it much but I do  love her telling me what to do, I love her assigning me chores to. I know when she DOES give me a chore or orders me to do something it’s because she rally wants it done because she doesn’t tell me to do things just because she can.)
10) Being strict is welcomed. (What can I say here except its what its all about! The more strict she is with me the happier I am. Being strict with me shows

  • She cares about me
  • She wants to be in charge
  • Constant reminder to me of my place
  • Shows she is a strong woman
  • Shows self confidence

So as you can see the phrase “Being dominant is not something you “do”, its someone you “are”.” is actually misleading in a lot of ways but also true in others. I think a lot of people men or women are dominant but hold back and don’t act on their desires do to the possible repercussions in their personal lives. I think a better way to state the phrase would be.

“Being Dominant is the desire within of someone you are. Dominating is something you do.”



Topping From the Bottom

Something I get accused of all the time is “Topping from the bottom” which indicates a person who exercises power in a M/s relationship, despite being in the “bottom” position. I do not think there is anything wrong with doing that, as long as both partners consent. But some people talk about “topping from the bottom” like it’s bad — as if power ought to belong to one side or the other; as if the bottom should never express preferences or make decisions about what’s going on.

I think there are multiple reasons why bottoms/slaves do this, some with good intensions and some with bad intensions. I get accused of this often however I don’t mean it as “topping” I use it more as an alternative  form as communication and expression.

First I want to start out by saying and stressing that I believe the one single most important factor in a successful, long-term M/s relationship is COMMUNICATION! When I do it its either out of one of two reasons. Frustration or wanting to convey a new request or idea to my Goddess.  Unfortunately whether it is out of frustration or it being well intentioned, it usually is taken as topping from the bottom to my Goddess.

The one thing I most crave out of my Goddess is control. Yes I have consented to be her slave 24/7 and yes I try to always do as I am told but I also have needs and desires like everyone else. I also believe I am very much more open minded and have more knowledge in M/s lifestyles. This lifestyle is something I have desired as long as I can remember and I was the one that introduced it to her a few years ago.

I understand that most all the stuff people see on the internet in regards to a M/s relationship is geared to it ALL being about the Dominant! That’s where I believe newbies have a misconception of what the lifestyle is all about. It is just as much about the slave/submissive as it is about the Dominant! If it was all about the Dominant it would NOT be consensual, PERIOD!

I whole heartedly believe that when people are interested in this type of relationship and it fails, its because of a few things,

  • Lack of communication or trust
  • Frustration due to when one side is not getting their needs fulfilled
  • Misconception of what the lifestyle is really about
  • 100% selfishness on either the Dominants or slave/bottom’s  part
  • Lack of participation or consistency

I desire this lifestyle for many reasons, but first let me get a few things out of the way. Yes I love my Goddess with all my heart. Yes I want to serve her and make her the happiest woman alive. Yes I think she is the sexist woman alive. Yes in many ways I do think she is superior to me. Yes I think she is more than capable of leading me daily. Yes I want to serve her because it also makes her life easier and happier in serving her in the ways we have agreed upon.

But this is NOT all about the Dominant! Its about both!  Let me repeat this! But this is NOT all about the Dominant! Its about both!

Now back to what this is actually about, Topping from the bottom! Personally I don’t call it topping I call it communicating!

The number one thing I crave and desire is to feel under complete control of my Goddess while increasing the feeling of her control and my submissiveness. I feel due to the fact that I know what triggers these emotions within me and most of them being unconventional I basically have to drop hints or outright tell her. If you were to ask her yourself she would tell you she is not “imaginative” in this area. For me to “top” from the bottom as many puts it I feel would be non-productive of the goals I’m trying to obtain. However, the goals I’m trying to obtain, she is well aware off in my opinion and would be unattainable if I wouldn’t communicate how to go about reaching them. I have a twisted, unconventional way of thinking and I am well aware of it! The best analogy I can give is if you are going on vacation and driving to a specific destination you have never been to, you are going to use a map or nowadays GPS!

One example is sex. When we are being intimate I feel like I am a very lucky man to be in the same bed as her pleasuring her in the ways she likes. I know what she likes and if I am missing anything its because she hasn’t communicated it to me. But back to where I was going with this. I feel very lucky and fortunate that I am the one she has chosen to be with sexually but there is one thing that increases the strength of those feelings! Degradation! I ask her at times to do this. I ask her to tell me my dick is small and could never satisfy her like her favorite dildo does. Or tell me how worthless I am and how lucky I am to be between her legs or that I really am not even good enough to be there.

This I know irritates her because she thinks I am telling her what to do. I don’t mean for it to come out that way or for her to feel that way but she takes it that way. That is how I communicate my thoughts with her! I do NOT mean it to be “topping from the bottom”.

Why does this heighten those feelings inside me? No clue! I guess maybe if you were a professional and had a HD you would say it was from a traumatic event that happened in my childhood, but I do not believe that Psychological bullshit. I think in my own twisted view that its because it heightens the way I look at the privilege of being able to do what I’m doing if that makes sense. Analogy time, I guess if you were to draw a number line from 1-10 and put us both on that line without the degradation she would be at a 6 and me a four. The distance between my feeling fortunate and lucky increases with her degrading me to her being a 10 and me a one if that makes sense. I love the feeling of being beneath her!

There are many other things that we do or I would like to do that increases my feelings of being beneath her or increases my submissiveness. However when I tell her about these things she takes it again as me topping from the bottom. I simply view it as trying to communicate to her a variety of stuff that will help me keep and build my submissive mindset and feelings of being inferior to her. They are not meant as me “telling” her what to do or as most call it in a M/s relationship “topping from the bottom”.

So here’s a message to my Goddess! I’m NOT topping from the bottom! I’m communicating to you those feelings that will only help improve our relationship and make you more powerful in my eyes and hopefully more inferior to you! If I wanted to be in charge and be the dominant one between us I would as the saying goes “just do it” but I don’t! I have absolutely zero desire to be in charge but in the same token I do want you to know what makes me feel more submissive and inferior which in turn helps me be a better slave in serving you in this day to day life.

The more inferior I feel towards you the more powerful you look to me!

The more inferior I feel results in me being more happy and makes me desire serving you all that more.

The more inferior I feel which results in my serving you more has obvious affects on you that I see that you probably do not even notice resulting in you feeling more confident, sexy, and happy!

My Goddess, I love you with all my heart and my hope is you got something out of this!

your slave always marc





Ways of Dominating Your Man

One thing a slave wants is the constant reminder of who is in charge! There are so many ways a woman can do this daily with little effort giving big results. For me the most frustrating thing is when I am supposed to be the slave but never receiving reminders from my Goddess of my place while still keeping up my end of the agreement.

There are so many lists/articles on the web of ideas to help people that are actively living in a M/s lifestyle. Here are a few ideas I found on the web while reading that I thought are good!

Ways to Tease Him

– Tease Your slave to get him to the point where he’ll “Do Anything to please You”
– Make him strip naked while You keep Your clothes on.
– Have him kneel before You and kiss Your feet.
– Have him address You as ‘Mistress’
– Have him kiss Your ass.
– Don’t let him masturbate or touch his cock without Your permission at any time.
– Tie his hands behind his back. Have him kneel with knees spread naked in front of You while You read or watch TV, occasionally nudging his balls or penis with Your shoes.
– Either order him to stay erect, or don’t give him permission to have a hard on… either way, punish him if he fails!
– Use some strong string (kite string), tie a slip noose in the end and tighten it around the head of the penis, tug on it, pull it shake it, lead him with it, whatever You please.
– Show Your slave Your panty crotch, make him smell it, but no touching without permission.
– Tie Your slave spread eagle to the bed and tease him for hours. Make sure he has a big hard on, but once he does only touch it when he needs just a little more encouragement, don’t let him cum.
-Put on his favorite lingerie and tease him with Your beauty.
-Scratch him with Your finger nails.
-Pinch his nipples.
-Sit on his chest and find out what he would do to be allowed to kiss Your nipple. Let him almost kiss it but pull away, make him beg.
-Take a break, put some worn panties over his face and leave the room for a while and let him think about what else You might do.
-Squat above his face, make him reach with his tongue to taste the crotch of Your panties…get more promises
-Blindfold him and make him lick You to several orgasms. Take a break, cum back and do it all again.
– Rub his face against Your pussy or sit on his face, but gag him with Your panties or a gag so that he can’t lick You.
– Tie his balls off to something behind him so he has to tug on them to smell Your panties or kiss Your ass…stay just out of reach.
– Masturbate in front of him. Use a dildo or a vibrator.
– Put the base of the dildo in his mouth and make him satisfy You with it. Do it so his nose presses between Your ass cheeks. He’ll be Your little brown noser and love it.
– Make him lick the dildo clean.
– Tie him down to the bed and tie his hands to his penis but do not give him permission to cum with harsh punishments for disobedience.
– Put Your worn panties over his head so he can smell your odor.
– Make him wear a cock ring

Ways to Humiliate Him

– Make him wear Your panties or lingerie, dress him up as a little girl or a French maid.
– Make him do housework naked or dressed in women’s clothes.
– Have him pamper You, have him:
– give You a foot/back/full body massage
– give You a pedicure/manicure,
– paint Your finger/toe nails.
– bathe You/shave your legs.
– cook and serve You a nice dinner.
– Make him hand wash Your panties and lingerie.
– Make him polish Your shoes with his tongue.
– Make him wear a collar and lead him around with a leash, like a dog.
– Attach a leash to his balls or cock ring, and lead him around with that.
– Tie it off in front of the sink while he does the dishes.
– Ride him around as Your pony boy…spurs? a riding crop?
– Dress him up like the slut that he is, wear a strap-on dildo and make him beg to suck it. fuck him. (don’t forget the fuck-me red lipstick!)
– Make him wear Your panties or lingerie under his regular clothes when he goes out or goes to work so that he will think of his Mistress constantly.
– Make him masturbate for You, make him beg for permission to cum, don’t let him, punish him if he does.
– Make him screw himself with a dildo.
– Make him earn his rewards; for example:
– Allow him to kiss Your ass after the dishes are done.
– 1 minute of pleasure for him for 10 minutes of Yours.  5 minutes of pleasure for him after he makes You cum 5 times.  Spank him 10 times for each minute it takes him to make You cum.
– If You think he’s earned an orgasm, make him cum on Your feet or Your ass and then make him lick You clean.
– Order him to bring himself to the edge of orgasm and stay there until You give him permission. When You give the command he must cum within 5 seconds or he will be punished and/or not allowed to cum at all. (keep him that way for 30 minutes, an hour…or as long as You want)
– If he’s really horny and bothering You, You may want to curb his interest by ordering him to jerk off 5 or 6 times in a row. Use it as skin conditioner… 3 times on each foot, have him spread it around and lick them clean after each time.
– Always make him lick You clean after sex and after you pee.
– When You go out, order him to tie himself up, be naked or dressed up as a girl and be kneeling at the door for when You arrive.
– Lock a padlock on his balls.
– Give him a golden shower, have him drink your golden nectar from you
– Make him think of a new way for You to humiliate him. Punish him if You don’t think it’s good enough. Make him post it to the net (and send it to me to add to the list)

Ways to Discipline and Punish and Torment Him

– Spank or whip him. (wooden spoon, hair brush, belt, ruler, ping pong paddle, riding crop, switch, cat-o-nine tails…)
– Tie him in an uncomfortable position.
– Tie his ankles together and attach his balls to them.
– Hog tied. (wrists and ankles tied together)
– Hanging from the ceiling by his wrists.
– In a chair with his knees pulled up to his shoulders – good for spanking and everything is exposed and vulnerable.
– Tie up his balls and cock with a long leather thong, clothes line, or boot lace. Use a long piece, and wrap the base and balls repeatedly. Do each ball separately. Tie tight loops around his shaft from base to tip then tie the end off back between his legs and up to a belt or to his handcuffs.
– Make him wear a chastity belt or cock cage.
– Attach clothes pins or nipple clips to his nipples, balls, cock or wherever.
– Put a butt plug in his ass. Or get out the strap-on.
– Enema.
– Double up on his domestic chores, make them more difficult: tie his hands; make him use a toothbrush to clean the toilet, tie his ankles with a short chain and make him wear extra high heels.
– Deny him orgasms for a long period of time.
– Have him lick You clean after you pee.
– Put Ben-gay or icy-hot on his penis and nipples.
– Drip candle wax on him.
– Make him do exercises (jumping jacks, leg spreads, squats, aerobics, yoga…)
– Humiliate him in public…take him shopping for panties/lingerie


One thing I think everyone strives for as a slave in a M/s relationship is that feeling of total control. Totally being under someone else’s control 100%. Not just surrendering yourself willingly to someone but actually giving over that control them taking it and you under their control 100% for a given time and you not being able to have a choice of freewill. One way to experience this is a cage!

I had read different articles on caging your slave before my Goddess and I begun our journey into this lifestyle and proposed the idea of buying one when we started our journey. I expressed the psychological benefits to me and her both along with other benefits and she agreed to “try “implementing one into our lives.  I purchased one to experiment with in hopes we would both like it.

At first we bought a large flimsy dog crate to see if we would use it and like it before spending the money on a good cage. We received it from eBay and I right away set it up in the closet and that night we begun using it.

Before I go on I want to stress that I understand and respect people view M/s, D/s lifestyles differently, everyone has ways that work for them that don’t for others and this is MY take on how I want to look at our relationship together with my Goddess.

I know that no one sex is superior than the other completely. Each sex has their strengths and weaknesses. I DO however believe one person can be superior to the other and this is where me and my Goddess come into play. If I were to rate us each in lets say 10 different areas I would say she is superior in 7 out of 10 of them. Those areas of superiority in her is where I desire to focus my worship on her while trying to help her build up the areas she is lacking.

So back to the cage. So in all stories I have ever heard, read, watched that involve a Goddess and slaves not once did I ever come across one where a slave is worthy to sleep next to his goddess every night. In all honesty this type of mindset is the exact mindset I wish my Goddess to adopt and live by. I am her slave by choice and I do recognize and honor her superiority over me so our mindset should be that I am not worthy in her bed except for when she calls on me to pleasure her sexually. So as soon as the cage arrived I set it up in our walk in closet and we started using it. I started sleeping in it every night with the door of it padlocked shut.

After a month or so we both figured out it was a positive addition to our lives and also got sick and tired of hearing the flimsy cage rattling etc. whenever I moved inside it so we bit the bullet and spent nearly $400 on an actual real cage for animals that has actual bars on it. I slept every night in that cage for over a year and slept very well. We found out it offered a lot of benefits and some we never counted on.

  1. My Goddess is a light sleeper, this allowed her to sleep uninterrupted the whole night without being woken by me tossing & turning or snoring.
  2. Since she slept better every night she was in better moods and didn’t have as many migraine headaches.
  3. It also allowed her privacy to masturbate whenever she wanted without fear of me walking in on her and being embarrassed.
  4. Mentally it built up the control aspect both in her and me.
  5. I found sleeping on the hard surface every night was much better for my back. so less back pain daily.
  6. I had a problem leaving in the middle of the night and moving to the couch to watch TV, that I no longer do.
  7. In my mind I felt much closer to my Goddess because I was actually 100% at her mercy and control for about 8 hours out of everyday.
  8. It solidified our positions we accepted stronger as her being the superior one over me and me the lessor.
  9. I think it also positively affected me as in me showing more respect and being more obedient to her.
  10. It made me feel more loved due to it gave me a sense she was paying more attention to me.

A couple years ago we decided to upgrade our lives and now we live in a different home and between moving and life’s drama our special relationship fell to the wayside and we were just living as a everyday vanilla couple. Raising kids, working full time and doing our responsible dull everyday duties we all do that is expected of us. The “us” time we used to so cherish in my opinion was now gone.

Fast forward about 18 months and we decide to reclaim our “us” time and my Goddess says she is ready to lead and demand my worship again. I gladly accept. My Goddess and I get along so much better in everyway while practicing our special lifestyle. The old contract was rewritten and agreed upon and signed and once again we were on our way to having “us” time! About the only thing that we had to bring back was the cage and finally it was set up and we started using it again but not as consistently as before for.

This time is different though. Last time I was inside the closet in our bedroom just on the other side of the door about 5′ away from my Goddess. This time I’m down the hall and locked in the cage in a storage closet under the stairs. Where as before I still felt close to my Goddess at night now I feel left alone. The one thing I admit I do not like is that this arrangement is suppose to bring us closer and in a lot of ways it does but in some ways it doesn’t due to the distance.

I still however get half of the benefits. I feel the control, and actually sleep better at night. Not sure why but being locked up in the cage and it only being 36″ wide by 52″ long I feel safe and at ease even though I am cramped and unable to stretch out. I also feel good knowing that my Goddess is sleeping better every night also. After all, this relationship is mostly about her right?

I have been kicking some ideas around in my head to make it work to where the cage is brought back into our bedroom closet but ultimately that is up to my Goddess. Hopefully I can make it work so when its time for bed there will be no question where ‘my’ bed is and I go there directly and climb in and look up as my Goddess closes the lock and walks away until morning when she lets me out.